Stanley and his Monster #4 (1993)

Stanley and his Monster #4 (May, 1993)
"Going Down"
Writer & Penciller - Phil Foglio
Inker - Chuck Fiala
Letterer - John Costanza
Colorist - Robbie Busch
Editor - Paul Kupperberg
Cover Price: $1.50

If you need to catch up before reading about our senses-shattering conclusion, please check out #1, #2,and #3.

--

Fresh off our cliffhanger, Stanley and Company are joined by our old friend the (Phantom) Stranger.  I don't think they ever call him "Phantom Stranger", he's just "The Stranger" here... which, for better or worse, opens us up to Stanley commenting that he's "not allowed to talk to strangers".  Nyuk nyuk.

The Dovers really don't dig the idea of the Stranger sending their little boy to Hell in order to rescue their pet demon.  The Stranger zaps them with a spell of serenity, which frees the lad up for the trip.

The Stranger readies the Seal of Cloon (which is an actual, Seal... like the horn-honking-at-the-aquarium variety.  Bierce appears to be setting Stanley up to wind up in what the Stranger called a "Causality Loop".  Stanley packs for the voyage... bringing a very specific wagon-full of stuffs.  He's loaded up with a demon mask, a package of hot dogs, a two-liter of soda, an umbrella, and a jar of Bar-B-Q sauce... I wonder why he chose those items...

Well there Stanley, that's a mighty specific wagon-load...

After a wild, Max Headroom-esque inter-dimensional Seal-trek, Bierce and the Boy arrive at the (flaming and demonic) gates of hell.  Bierce tells Stanley that he's on his own from this point on... and advises him that Hell is "exactly what he thinks it is", like, as in he can affect the way Hell looks and operates.  I gotta wonder if John Byrne cribbed this bit for Lab Rats?

Stanley saunters in, and decides that Hell should look like a Saturday Morning cartoon show.  He is approached by an adorable hellfiend, who asks what his business is... to which, Stanley dons his demon Halloween mask.  It's good enough for the hell-fiend, who points the boy in the direction of his Monster.  Well, there's one item down.

Stanley and his Monster are reunited (and it feels so..., nah).  As they catch up, a tiny yellow pitchfork wielding devil enters.  He's all but ready to blow the whistle on the caper, when Stanley offers him... well, hot dogs (there's two).  Stanley impales the weiner on the demon's horn (wait, what?), and watches as the beast chases it carrot-on-a-stick-style off a nearby cliff.

Stanley and his Monster decide to blow this Popsicle stand, and head toward the conveniently-marked exit.  As they leave, they are confronted by our weenie-eating demon and his two-flaming companions.  Stanley tricks the devil into summoning a rainstorm, extinguishing the burning-beasties... oh, yeah... it's a good thing Stanley remembered his umbrella!  There's three.

The frankfurter-fiend, none too pleased with this turn of events grows to tremendous size... why wouldn't he just always be that big?  Luckily, Stanley's wagon is perfect for giving the demon the ol' slip... back off the cliff... presumably into a pool of flames.  Stanley's pretty hardcore.

Off in the distance the boys spy what the Monster refers to as a Punishment Node.  They crack that orb open, only to find the Monsters former-flame/fling, Miss Nyx.  She believes the boys to be a figment of her imagination, however, thanks to Stanleys cold (cold? still?) soda, she snaps back to reality.  The next... hundred or so pages, is a discussion between Nyx and the Monster over whether or not she should be "good", or if he could teach her how to be "good", or what it means to be "good"...

Hey, Nyx is back...

Thankfully, Cerberus bursts into the scene... along with that same little yellow demon?  Really, again?  Okay.  This time, he summons worms from the ground to entangle young Stanley... and then proceeds to wrap his tongue around Nyx's thigh... No really.  To which, she dumps our last remaining item, the Bar-B-Q sauce all over the naughty imp... which attracts the carnivorous grill-fan, Cerberus.

Yeah... still no CCA Code here

Finally, we're on our way out, when... oh, c'mon... the two angels are back.  They allow the Monster to plead his case... and, well... they let him go.  How about that?  Nyx must stay behind, but really... who wanted her to come back anyway?

For your viewing/reading enjoyment...
The only chuckle this book gave me.

Back at casa Stanley. everything's back to (the new) normal.  Stanley's allowed to keep his Monster, and they all live happily ever after.

--

I suppose this wrapped up as best it could given the set-up.  When I first read the opening chapter of this four-part tale, I figured it would be a fun romp with a boy and his beast.  I did not, even for a moment, consider that there would be an actual story in here... and, I sorta kinda wish there wasn't.  The deeper we went into the Hell story, the less interest I had.  The more panel time given to Ambrose Bierce, the less I liked him.  When he first showed up in the second chapter, it was a novelty.  He was mistaken for John Constantine, and it was a cute gag.  I didn't expect him to be back, and to play such a large part overall.

The writing insofar as the dialogue was still a bright point.  The art, well... I mentioned all throughout my review series that Phil Foglio art is not normally my cup of tea.  For the first two issues, I really rather liked it.  The second half, however, felt much looser... and seemed to rely more on cartoony elements than just cartoon-ish elements (if that makes even a lick of sense).

Mildly disappointing overall, especially coming off the fun-high of the first issue.  I would have been much more interested (and likely entertained) by Stanley and his Monster exploring more Heterodyne Boys inventions.  That first issue just had so much heart to it... that sadly did not survive the remaining chapters.

Is it worth checking out?  I guess.  It's not gonna knock yer socks off or anything, but when it comes to a silly story you can do far worse.  Am I glad I'm done with it?  Heavens yes... Not that I aggressively disliked the series, but the joke kinda played itself out with about 40 pages to go.

--

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Bloodlines #1 (2016)

Bloodlines #1 (June, 2016)
"Hostile Takeover"
Script - J.T. Krul
Pencils - V. Ken Marion
Inks - Sean Parsons
Colors - Andrew Dalhouse
Letters - Sal Cipriano
Assistant Editor - Brittany Holzherr
Senior Editor - Marie Javins
Cover Price: $2.99

After writing last week's Bloodlines Primer over at Weird Science DC Comics, the fellas extended me the gracious invitation to appear on their weekly Podcast to discuss this issue.  If you check it out, my segment hits around the 230 minute mark (though listen to the whole thing, it's a lot of fun).  I'm the jerk with the crappy mic who apparently has a great deal of trouble saying any word that has an "R" in it.  Just tell yourself I'm going my awful Andrew Dice Clay impression... that's what I did when I listened to it back.

I had an incredibly fun time chatting with the guys and contributing to my favorite comics podcast.  It was my first time doing anything of the sort, and I want to sincerely thank Jim, Eric and Reggie who were exceptionally patient and welcoming.

As we discussed at the end of the segment... I, along with fellow New York native Reggie will be doing a regular segment on the show discussing Weird Comics History.  It's gonna be a lot of fun, and I feel exceptionally lucky to be offered such a spot.  I look forward to further participation.

Today, I'm going to put my normal (for better or worse) spin on the very issue we discussed on the show.

--

As we open, a comet crashes into a wooden mountainside.  There are deer in the area... one of which appears to have a tiny critter embed itself into its neck.  Suddenly the deer begins frothing at the mouth, ultimately transforming into a were-deer beast.

We shift to the suburban bedroom of high school student, Eddie.  His morning alarm is sounding, and he pulls himself out of bed.  He relies on cuff-crutches to get around, however it is made to seem as though this is a relatively recent development in his life.

After indulging in some sugary cereal and a brief chat with mom, Eddie hoofs it toward school.  His regular ride, Graham is late once again.  His buddy eventually drives up along side, and gets him to the high school.  Upon arrival, they sort of go their own ways.  Graham is an athlete, and proceeds to join his teammates while Eddie heads to class.

In class we watch boy genius, Albert doing a dissertation on abnormal DNA while their teacher works on his fantasy football team.  Eddie's lab partner appears to be admiring him somewhat, though he believes she's just staring at his bruised arm.

After class, Eddie heads out.  He passes my (and your) favorite blogger, Dana.  She's on Day 46 of her Blogapalooza! which basically just means she talks into her side-turned cell phone about her big weekend plans... amirite?  If you're interested, today is Day 72 of MY Blogapalooza!  Heeeeeeeeeeey!

We shift to a LexOil Supermart gas station (that features a Daily Planet newspaper vending machine), where a mother is filling up the tank... while a creepy perv checks out her's from afar.  The woman's daughter, Faith is bemoaning how long the fuel stop is taking, and fears that the mall will somehow close before they can get there.

We wanna see both of your hands, mister!

Next stop, Stu's garage.  Stu's mechanic Haley is working on a fella named Blake's Mustang... and he wants a status update.  This seems to bother our Haley... and that's all we get from her.

Shift over to Blake.  He's driving around with a man named Ricky.  They appear to be detectives, and they're both in a fighting mood.  They pull off and approach a crew o' crackheads and offer to introduce them to their teeth.  Aw, man.

Aw, man.

As we reach our climax, we rejoin Eddie and Graham as they arrive at keg party taking place in the isolated Sullivan Field.  Graham breaks off and socializes while Eddie nurses a beer under a (urine-and-vomit-free) tree.

The deer from the open makes its presence known slasher style.  It bites a young man named Kev's arm all the way up to the elbow.

Well, that escalated...

Eddie struggles to get to his feet.  As he attempts to flee, Graham runs in to help.  Unfortunately, Graham becomes dinner... and Eddie hits the ground.  When he lands, his body experiences an odd transformation.  He is suddenly a seven-foot tall hulking blue brute.

He runs straight for the were-deer... and, well, rips its head off.

He turns to Graham and sees that he was too late... the deer already took a big ol' chunk out of his torso.  As Graham lay dying, Eddie transforms back and let's out a dramatic "Noooo!"

--

As I stated on the show, I was surprised at how much I liked this issue.  It was clearly a set-up chapter, wherein we bore witness to a series of character vignettes as we took the nickel tour of Pine Ridge... but it was just done so well.  No one scene/character overstayed its welcome, and the scenes/characters that didn't get much screen time, make me want to see more.

The writing was great.  The teenagers shown acted rather like real teenagers.  Eddie was sullen and internally bitter at his plight in life.  Dana is a superficial fake-ass internet celebrity, she appears as vapid and shallow as one may imagine.  The detective pair, however, seemed a bit off.  I get that we're supposed to think they just ain't no good... but perhaps a bit of subtlety could have been employed.  The art was also very very good.  As I mentioned on the Podcast, Marion's faces are somewhat evocative of Brett Booth, and in my opinion, that's a good thing.

When this issue series was announced, I felt that it immediately had two (and a bit later a third) strikes against it.  First, the Bloodlines title, and all the extreme chromium-flavored baggage that comes along with it... and Second, J.T. Krul as the writer.  Let me qualify that.  I have personally enjoyed most/all of Mr. Krul's DC work.  His pre-Flashpoint Teen Titans was, to me, a high point in that volume... one of the things I miss the most from that era.  I also enjoyed his Brightest Day Green Arrow.  I never actually read the derided "Rise and Fall" for which he perhaps received most of his criticism (though, I do have it... somewhere), so I cannot really speak to that.  When this series was announced, all I saw in regard to the creative team was that oft-used panel with Arsenal and the dead cat... and that's really too bad.  Third strike, Rebirth... how much impact could this story have if the line-wide re-whatever is on the horizon?

We also briefly discussed the character of Loose Cannon having already made an appearance in the New-52 continuity.  Perhaps Bloodlines takes place in Post-Rebirth?

From Teen Titans (vol.4) #11 (September, 2012)

Anyhoo... This was a very good issue to kick off the series, and you clearly do not need any experience with the 1993 Annuals to follow this.  In fact, it's probably more helpful without the experience.  Definitely give this one a try.  It's a horror comic that, if the references to LexOil and the Daily Planet are any indication, takes place within the DC Universe... and it's a lot of fun.

I suppose in the spirit of completionism, I'll leave the score I gave this one on the show.  8/10

--

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Hero Hotline #4 (1989)

Hero Hotline #4 (July, 1989)
Writer/Colorist - Bob Rozakis
Artist - Stephen DeStefano
Inker - Kurt Schaeffenberger
Letterer - John Costanza
Editor - Brian Augustyn
Cover Price: $1.75

If you need to catch up, please check out the discussions on Hero Hotline #1, #2, and #3.

--

We open up today with news that Sturgis "Mister Mighty" Butterfield has gone missing.  SOOZ is able to locate him passed out drunk in an alley.  Stretch is sent off to pick him up.

Try as you might, you can never get the smell of alley out of zubaz.

Young Hotshot is readying to rent his first grown-up apartment, despite his mother's reservations.  She continually nags him until he promises to call her later on.  As they walk down Hotshot's seedy new neighborhood, we appear to get a cameo by a certain... sailor man... toot toot.

I yam what I yam

At the Hotline, Mister Mighty merrily (and soberly) strolls in, only to be met by a barrage of police officers.  They cuff him (which doesn't go all that well) and attempt to arrest him for the murder of abusive husband scumbag, Ralph Bartoli.  The Coordinator tries to get cooler heads to prevail, and insists that Butterfield accompany the officers downtown to answer all of their questions.

SOOZ informs Hotshot of a job that just came through.  Apparently a father of three plucky boys insists on smoking in bed.  The kids are afraid their old man's gonna burn the place down, so they enlist the Hero Hotline.  Young William is the best bet for such a fiery scenario.  Off he goes...

As he leaves, some of his fellow heroes head off to lunch.  Microwavabelle, Diamondette, Voice-Over, and Fred leave the office, discussing how recently Geraldo Rivera Alberto got punched by nazi-skinheads bigots.

Hotshot arrives at his trouble-ticket to find everything's just ducky.  Just as the boys had reported, their Unca Donald father is smoking in bed.  Hotshot's attempts at diplomacy are shrugged off, leading him to employ drastic measures.  He launches a fireball directly at daddy's derriere causing all sorts of chaos.  Hotshot flees to the sounds of fire extinguishers and threats.

Waughh!

Back at HQ, Stretch is given a case.  It's most certainly another cat... however, this one just happens to be caught in a drainpipe rather than a tree.  As he storms out some pictures fall out of his "saving cats from trees" scrapbook.  Of particular interest is a photo of him with the original Red Tornado, Ma Hunkel.

We join the lunch-gang at a nearby fast food joint.  An employee approaches and tells them they'd recently gotten an odd delivery, and asks them to take a look.  The crew follows the lad to the back room where they are shown a superhero that had been frozen in a block of ice.  There's no shield on his chest... so it ain't that one.  The team carries the block out with them.

Who do I gotta petition to get a Voice-Over: Rebirth?

Next, Private-Eyes and Miss Boulder are attempting to get their marriage license.  They run into some static in regard to their blood tests.  P.Eyes decides to show the poor clerk the blood of himself and his betrothed by pricking their fingers and letting the blood drip out.  Stands to reason, that should cover it!

I think that actually makes them married in some states!

Stretch arrives at the drain pipe, and meets a rather eccentric pair.

I've seen movies that start this way...

Back at HQ, the ice block has arrived.  SOOZ conducts a test and finds that the man inside is a patriotic superhero from a bygone time... Why it's...Captain Mister America (aka the Americommando)!  The Coordinator repeatedly insists it's not the real Mister America, however.

Voice-Over excuses himself to... take care of the horrendous fast-food hockey puck hamburger he'd eaten just moments prior, only to find that the restroom is locked.  He is surprised to find out that (Invisible) Fred is locked inside... and his intangibility prevents him from getting out.  A returning Stretch is able to finagle his way through the keyhole to free our man.

Shortly, the rest of the team returns and all seem to congregate around the Patriotic ice sculpture.  Despite reservations from the Coordinator, the combined forces of Hotshot and Microwavabelle melt the ice.  As the ice sheds, Private Eyes gets a good look inside the body, discovering that the Americommando's heart is in fact a bomb.

Diamondette uses her diamond-hard hands and chops the figure in half... Stretch grabs the heart-bomb and reaches his hand wayyyyyyyyyyyyy across the city.  The bomb explodes in the water, and the day is saved.

At the police station Mister Mighty is being interrogated.  He insists he did not kill Mr. Bartoli, and attempts to give his alibi.

Chicken-Pits?

We close out the day back in HQ.  There are a few really odd things that persist throughout this issue that sorta "come to a boil" on the last page.  The HQ (and city) appears to be getting more and more infested with these odd pink and blue peeps (tribble-like creatures) who are breeding at a ridiculous rate... and there is a group of superhero rejects at the hotline who are attempting to unionize.  I'm not sure if they will be of any importance later on, or simply serve as panel-flavor.

Your guess is as good as mine...

--

Another fine issue of Hero Hotline... though, I must admit... it's all getting a tad tiresome.  We've got two issue to go, and to my knowledge we don't see any of these characters ever again.  Not sure how satisfying a conclusion this is going to get.  There's really no overarching story line here, just episodes.  Episodes are great for an ongoing, or maybe even a twelve-issue maxiseries, but here... it sort of feels like wasted space.  In my opinion, a six-issue miniseries should not have any filler... and this really felt like filler.

Not all that much more to say.  The dialogue was fun, and the art still maintains its high level of quality... plus, all the cartoon-cameos are (and have been) a hoot!  Maybe this is why I don't really review sequential issues too often... nothing much new for me to say.

Anyways, I'm still maintaining hope that there's a method to Bob Ro's incredible madness.  He hasn't let me down yet... so, fingers crossed.

--

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