Power Girl (vol.2) #8 (July, 2010)
"The Little Things!"
Writers - Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray
Art - Amanda Conner
Colors - Paul Mounts
Letters - John J. Hill
Associate Editor - Rachel Gluckstern
Editor - Mike Carlin
Cover Price: $2.99
Welcome friends to the... final day of Vartox Week! It was bound to happen eventually.
I wanna thank everybody who joined me for this deep dive on a character that, really, not many people care about. It's been a really fun learning experience... and a great exercise in challenging my own preconceptions on just who and what Vartox really is. We'll talk more about that below the synopsis.
Worth saying, I feel like this weird three-week-long theme "week" really helped to breathe new life into this humble blog. I think anyone who maintains a blog with regular posts, and I don't just mean daily... could be whatever sorta "deadline" you impose on yourself, I think all of us are prone to burnout. Burnout is definitely a real thing... especially when your "subject" is as niche as comic books tend to be.
I mean, people today love superheroes... but, not so many actually seek out folks' opinions (or even information) on the "real" stuff. Without a whole lot in the way of engagement, sometimes it feels like we're writing into the void... and if you've joined me in this Vartox-void, I thank you.
I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I have!
--
We open with Power Girl and fake-Terra (the other fake Terra) about to relax in an emofluid spring down in Strata... which allows us to see Kara try on a very ill-fitting bikini. Well, when in Rome. They take a load off and reminisce while the golden waters project their memories. We briefly mentioned the Ultra-Humanite yesterday... turns out, the baddie had messed with Atlee (the other fake Terra) in the interim, and Power Girl had to save her.
We shift scenes to Satanna getting out of... er, Savana Jerusalem's bed. Truly a case of "strange bedfellows". If you recall, Savana was supposed to provide Satanna with a weapon with which she could take out Power Girl. Savana's all "not so fast, kemosabe"... and invites some Big Daddy's from BioShock in the room to take Satanna out.
Back in Strata, Power Girl and Terra leave the emofluid springs. Just then, they run into Atlee's family. Kara cannot help but to be touched at the sight of the reunion... something she definitely didn't expect. Her mind is flooded with thoughts of her own lost family... friends... and Universe.
After a light snack... or, at least an attempt at one... Power Girl heads back to Brooklyn. Terra promises to follow a few days later.
Kara returns home... and tries to think of a name for her cat, before settling on "Stinky". That's not a euphemism, folks... and shame on you for thinking it was.
Heading to work, she runs into Fisher (Bronze Medal Champion in the regional Jimmy Olsen lookalike contest). Turns out, this skeevy little perv took some compromising pictures of her... but he's seen the error of his ways, and turns over the "only copies" of the snaps (yeah, right).
After a ride on the subway, Kara emerges from the underground just in time to see...
There he is! It's Vartox... and he's fighting a great big baddie called Galaxorg. Well, maybe Galaxorg isn't all that bad. Ya see, they're only fighting because Vartox tried moving in on the Big G's wife. If fairness, he thought she was single. Kara "Pee Gee's" up, and tells the goofs that they don't gotta stop fighting... but they can't do it here.
Galaxorg and Power Girl take turns throwing Vartox into orbit while they hash out the details of changing the venue of this hyper-powered struggle. Galaxorg proves himself yet another sex-pest when informs Power Girl that he could be persuaded to leave. This goes over about as well as you imagine. The Big G ain't pleased, and refers to Kara as "Vartox's whore". Uh-oh.
Power Girl wrecks Galaxorg... until he decides that discretion is the better (only?) part of valor. He refers to Vartox as "Tynolan scum", which proves he's never really read the Bronze Age stuff, before vanishing.
After the dust settles, Vartox makes yet another plea for Power Girl's affections. It isn't very effective. Instead of traveling the stars with our man, Kara instead simply "escorts him" back to his head ship. And that... is the last we'd see of Vartox in the pre-Flashpoint DC Universe.
Jumping ahead, we join Kara at work. She's informed by her employee Alice that they'd just gotten a major investor in a group calling themselves Vega 9. Oh, also... she resigns. I suppose this would mean more if I hadn't only been reading the Vartox issues of this series. Kara then takes a phone call from a fella named Carl... who I'm assuming is a callback to a prior story. Either way, he's "Vega 9", and he's happy to be an investor.
We wrap up with Kara being called into the lab for one of her employee's birthday parties. Turns out, the party is actually... for her!
--
There's a pretty good way to wrap up Vartox Week.
I said it yesterday, but it's series' like this one that give such a wonderful snapshot of just how much fun the tail end of the pre-Flashpoint DC Universe was. It's truly a shame books like this one had to be deep-sixed in order to make way for the "more accessible" New-52! I think a book like has a fairly universal appeal... you don't need to be ensconced in DC lore to follow it, but if you are you'll probably have a deeper appreciation. Plus, it's funny... and the art is phenomenal. What's not to dig?
This is the final issue for this creative team... next issue would bring in Judd Winick, who, if you've been reading this blog with any regularity, you know he's a fella I run hot and cold on. It was actually his first issue (#13) where I first tried out this book back in 2010. I didn't come back for #14... but, back then I was just getting my "comics footing" back... I think I was just grabbing anything I could get my hands on.
Let's talk Vartox.
I've brushed up against it a few times lately... a "happy accident" of running a blog like this is that I'm afforded the opportunity to challenge my own preconceptions about titles, creators, characters... ya know, just everything I thought I knew about comics.
When I first got it in my head to do a little Vartox "spotlight", I figured it'd be a neat little aside... a "funny, ha-ha" where we all poke fun at the Sean Connery lookalike. Hell, at the start I kept referring to him as the "Manliest Man Who Ever Manned"... as a gag!
What I wasn't expecting was to be so captivated by this character. I wasn't expecting to be so taken with his seemingly never ending tragedies. If you go back to our earliest looks at Vartox (easily available on our dedicated Vartox Week page), it seemed like an endless torrent of crap was being rained on him.
Every single time we ran into him... something horrible has happened. If it wasn't his wife being murdered it was his planet being destroyed. It was around then, that it clicked. I finally got it. Vartox, is a Superman... that failed. He couldn't save his wife... he couldn't save his planet.
It's almost a shame how he was treated in the post-Crisis... as just a goonish punching bag, and later, as a sex-pest. Though, I will say, underneath the creepy predatory facade, the Power Girl creative team were able to "bring it around" and give him some much-deserved depth. They also gave him what might be his first (and only) actual "win". The first time he was able to save his people. If not for Vartox's efforts, Valeron would've withered.
Overall... I said it yesterday, this Power Girl series is an absolute treat, and you owe it to yourselves to check it out. This issue is no exception... I had a blast with it, and I'd bet my lucky dime you will too.
And that, my friends, was Vartox Week. I wanna say, this has been enlightening, and so much more fun than I'd ever imagined. It definitely helped recharge my bloggy-batteries, and stave off the dreaded (and inevitable) burnout. After all, we're still 66 days from Post 1000...
I think we've gone above and beyond in showing this obscure fella some love. Hopefully in the months and years to come, folks who wonder just what this Sean Connery-lookin' dude is all about will come here and bask in the glory that is... or was... Vartox Week. Keep that magic in your hearts always, my friends.
While we're done with this subject... we're not done talking DC Comics by a long shot. Come back tomorrow, where we'll be finally wrapping up another long-lingering project.
--
Interesting Ads:
934
Power Girl (vol.2) #8 (March, 2010)
"A Groovy Kind of Love"
Writers - Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray
Art - Amanda Conner
Colors - Paul Mounts
Letters - John J. Hill
Associate Editor - Rachel Gluckstern
Editor - Mike Carlin
Cover Price: $2.99
Welcome friends to the penultimate entry in our Vartox Week Spectacular! We'll wrap up our deep-dive on The Man tomorrow!
--
Picking up where we left off last issue, Power Girl and Vartox are fighting off a gaggle of IX Negaspikes, which were created thanks to Kara freezing the one beastie with her super-breath... then shattering it into dozens of pieces... which all grew into their own full-blown IX Negaspike. During the melee, she notices that this new bunch of monsters isn't quite as alert as the one she destroyed... and so, she has a plan. Vartox isn't so sure he's up for a repeat performance.
After Power Girl suggests he might just be scared, he comes around. The pair use their hyper-freezing-breath to ice up all the IX's... then smash 'em!
Leaving even more of the critters... however, as Power Girl assumed, they are completely docile. Ya see, she figured out that no matter how many bodies the IX Negaspikes were shattered into, there wouldn't be enough brain-power to keep them all "on task". They send the now cow-like monstrosities deep into space.
After the dust settles, Vartox makes another plea to Power Girl to hear him out about why he visited... and exactly what he's "chosen" her for. At this point, Kara's almost punch drunk... and agrees to dinner.
We shift scenes to a creepy club in Manhattan where Satanna and her army of animal hybrids are convening. She is trying to track down the Ultra-Humanite in order to do some brain-swapping... or maybe the Humanite already did... I can't be sure. There's also word of a "creepy bald man" delivering some new tech... we'll meet him later.
Meanwhile inside the Head Ship, Vartox changes into his Valerian formal eveningwear... which amounts to a see-through robe and an eye-patch over his you-know-what.
Power Girl ain't havin' none'a that... especially if she's expecting to eat. She sends him off to get into something less comfortable... though, by the looks of it, I'm not sure what could possibly be less comfortable than that. He returns in a sorta disco-looking tracksuit.
He excuses himself to finish cooking, and suggests Pee Gee go change into something a bit fancier herself. He directs her over to his on-board clothier, and after making him promise to turn off all of the cameras, Kara hops in. She returns in a beautiful gown... and Vartox is left speechless.
So distracted, in fact, that he doesn't realize that their romantic dinner is burning!
Kara suggests they just order some take-out... and, next we know, the giant head-ship is hovering over a Brooklyn pizzeria.
While they dine, Vartox explains the reasons for his visit. He's there, of course, so Power Girl can help repopulate the planet... only, it's not exactly how we (or she) might imagine. He tells her about the contraception bomb... and also about his dead wife, who he claims was murdered (which... I suppose is kinda true).
Then... he gets down to it. Valerians don't mate the same way humans do... they don't perform the "act"... no physicality, and in his words, none of the "sticky stuff". Kara's confused... but also a bit curious... hell, so am I. He shows her to the "Fertility Room".
Now, here's where it gets weird... er. On Valeron, males and females both get pregnant (not Vartox though). Their replication is more of a spiritual thing... as though they give birth to themselves... regeneration of their souls and stuff. It's really weird. It also involves a "Pregno-Ray", the very mention of which causes Power Girl to busts a gut. Vartox chose Power Girl because her Kryptonian make-up will be able to stimulate the "fertilizer" without causing her any negative side effects.
Power Girl figures, what the hay... and offers her services. Moments later, she re-fertilizes Valeron.
After which, Vartox gives her what appears to be, a most sincere thank you. Kara's all "okay, okay... you can go home now."
We rejoin Pee Gee as she arrives back at her apartment. She's greeted by her cat (and a dead roach) before passing out in bed.
We wrap up with Satanna... who is still seeking out the Ultra-Humanite. At the moment, however, she's having a meeting with that "creepy bald man" we mentioned earlier... turns out, it's Doctor Sivana!
--
There's this weird trap I fall into when reviewing comics. I doubt it's something completely unique to me... but, when I'm reading something... I almost can't help myself but to look for the nebulous quality known as "heart". Nebulous, because I can't put into words exactly what I mean by it... it's more of those "you know it when you see it" sort of things... and you know it's missing when you don't. This run on Power Girl absolutely has heart... the humor is human, and the characterization is genuine.
Here we get to brush aside all of Vartox's bravado... and we're left with that tragic character, not so different than the one we (or whoever among us was already alive and reading) met way back in 1974. This is a man who wants to do right by his people... not a silly gigolo, but an altruist. Risking harm and humiliation in order to re-fertilize his beloved Valeron.
What's more, it was really nice to see Power Girl "come around" to him. Seeing him less as a sex-pest, and more as a man... a champion to his people... hell, the only hope of his people.
The creative team does a spectacular job here having Vartox straddle the line between obnoxious and unselfish. As we've learned during Vartox Week... this fella is far more complicated a soul than you'd expect this silly-looking Sean Connery rip-off to be. He's the kinda guy... if he didn't have bad luck, he'd have no luck at all. So, it's nice... some thirty-six years after he first appeared, to finally see him "win" one. It was certainly a long time coming...
Going back to the concept of "heart"... the art brings that in spades. The looks Power Girl and Vartox share... there's annoyance, sure... but there's also... I dunno, it's hard to explain. Not so much pity... as, an almost playful curiosity from Power Girl here. Like, she thinks Vartox is a creep... but also sees him as harmless... amusing, even. Amanda Conner truly brings both of these characters to life... and it's a shame she (and the rest of the creative team) wouldn't be around on this title much longer. I've said it before, and I'll say it now... the art here is pure "candy". Just love it.
Overall... yep, track this one down. Hell, track this entire run down, Vartox-less issues and all... it's a great snapshot of what made the tail end of the pre-Flashpoint DC Universe special. Hopefully you have an easier time than I did finding it "in the wild". If the hunt ain't your thing... this issue is ready and waiting for you via DC Digital.
--
Interesting Ads:
933
Power Girl (vol.2) #7 (February, 2010)
"Lust in Space"
Writers - Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti
Artist - Amanda Conner
Colorist - Paul Mounts
Letterer - John J. Hill
Associate Editor - Rachel Gluckstern
Editors - Bryan Cunningham & Mike Carlin
Cover Price: $2.99
Woof... what a time I had tracking this one down.
Visited all of the shops within a 50 mile radius (and called shops upwards of two-hours away... and nobody had it! Heck, most of them didn't even realize there was a Power Girl series pre-Flashpoint! I tell ya, you get some odd looks as a stocky bearded man when you ask if they have "any more Power Girl". The things I do for this blog...
Anyhoo, I managed to come across this one in a disorganized last ditch 50-cent bin dive... I guess luck was on our side! Or maybe, just maybe, it was a Vartox Week Miracle! This copy does have a bit of a scuffed up cover, which is probably why it's been left to rot in a 50-cent bin, but that's okay. Not like I'm planning on flipping any of the Tomes of Vartox... to do so would make me rather a heathen.
I was unable to find the two follow up issues to this one though. No shops in the Central Arizona area has 'em... so, unless I just happen across 'em at a Used Books Store or a Record Store, we're going to bounce around Vartoxville a bit from here on out.
--
We open on... Valeron! Vartox the Hyper-Man (the Hyper-Man?) is battling Kashkavon Yeti Pirates. One of whom refers to him as a "Tynolan". Being the Vartox-savvy readers we are now... that just doesn't make sense. Vartox only found his home on Tynola after the destruction of Valeron. Feels like we're getting a bit fast and loose with the main man's origin. Anyhoo, he's victorious... only, as a parting shot the Yeti's detonate a Contraceptive Bomb in the Heart of Valeron's capital... Crystal City. Now, the Valerians will not be able to reproduce!
So, it will be left to Vartox... the Manliest Man who ever Manned (and the lone non-sterile Valerian) to keep Valeron pumping out babies. For which, he'll need a suitable mate.
Valeron Chancellor... Groovicus Mellow... offers Vartox a few pennies for his thoughts, and it's clear from the get-go, he's chosen Power Girl for to makin' da babies. He compares her "physical endowments" to be on par with his own. Which... I mean, I don't have any measuring tape... so, we'll just take his word for it.
Speaking of Power Girl... on Earth, she and Dr. Mid-Nite are tracking down the villainous Blue Snowman. Blue Snowman's caption refers to their being an old Wonder Woman villain... and, they ain't lying! First Appearance: Sensation Comics #59 (November, 1946). Only appeared a handful of times... and, far as I can tell, this issue was the first time since the late 1940's that they'd appear.
Pee-Gee and Mid-Nite make short work of the baddie... and take a moment to admire their pipe (because, snowmen need pipes, ya see). They deduce that there is likely millions of dollars worth of tech in the thing... and what the Snowman was trying to steal wasn't worth half'a that.
This chat is interrupted by the arrival of... Oh. My. God. Vartox has a spacecraft shaped like his head. He makes his intentions clear... he's here for Kara Zor-L.
Also, we get a caption telling us that Vartox's real name is Vernon O'Valeron... which, ya know... it ain't. That was a phony civilian ID that he and Superman came up with back in the long ago, so Var could pose as a Galaxy Building Security Guard. Vartox is Vartox.
Neither Kara nor Pieter are all that impressed. And so, get this... Vartox fires off his "musk" in their direction. It apparently smells like "burnt armpit hair and elephant urine"... and it's enough to kayo poor ol' Mid-Nite. Vartox shrugs it off... ya see, his seduction musk ain't for dudes. Kara isn't affected... which doesn't seem to trouble Var as much as you'd think.
Then... Blue Snowman wakes up, removes her helmet... and charges at Vartox, intoxicated by the musk!
Unable to win Kara over with his words, Vartox decides to impress her with his fighting prowess. He summons forth an IX Negaspike via a transport leash... which kinda looks like Zack Morris's cellphone.
Blue Snowman hops into battle to protect her beloved Vartox... and is... uh, eaten. Like, right away.
Vartox is then smashed by the Negaspike, sending him through a bunch of walls, Looney Tunes style. He hits so hard that the transport leash breaks!
Power Girl attempts to take care of business... however, the beast is far too strong. Vartox shakes it off and leaps back into the fray... but is equally ineffective. Kara decides to buy them a moment of time by Fastball-Specialing the Negaspike into a nearby mountain range.
As they pursue the beast, Vartox reveals that this is a futile venture... the Negaspike is un-defeatable. Ya see, he was just going to fight it a little while before using his transport leash to send it back home... making it look like he'd bested it in battle. Now that the transport leash is busted... looks like they're kinda outta luck.
Power Girl ain't pleased... heck, she ain't even flattered. At this point, however, she does tell Vartox to quit referring to himself in the third person. Oh by the way, Vartox has been referring to himself in the third person for this entire issue up to this point.
We wrap up with Power Girl using her super-breath to freeze the Nagaspike... then she shatters it with a punch. Vartox is all... "you might not have wanted to do that..." because, ya see... all of the Negaspike bits... have already grown into full-blown beasts of their own!
--
Okay... this might just be my favorite thing right now. I had so much fun reading this that I don't know where to start.
I suppose I could get my continuity-crankiness out of the way first, right? I mean... if I didn't address this stuff, what kind of continuity-crank would I be? Probably a happier one...
This is kind of a mishmash of everything we knew about Vartox... the Valeron/Tynola bit... and also, his "civilian identity"... when it was established that Vartox never had one on Valeron, he was simply Vartox. I suppose as a "funny, ha-ha", Vernon O'Valeron works as good as any... it's just a funny name.
Now, this is what I always assumed Vartox to be... a sorta gigolo, an egotist... I mean, he just looks the part. So, when we went all the way back through his roots over the past several weeks of Vartox Week (hrmm), I was rather taken aback by just how wrong my first impression was.
I will say, initially... I was a bit turned off by the depiction in this very issue for reducing the character to... I dunno, acting like he dressed? I'm not sure I'm explaining that all that well... hopefully you get my jist. He's always looked like a goofball gigolo... and now he's acting the part. Ya dig?
That having been said... maybe it's a case of my own confirmation bias (is that the right term?) trumping my normally slavish adherence to continuity, but... man, I loved this. Everything from Vartox's head-shaped ship... to him firing his phermones... to his trying to impress Kara by fighting an unwinnable fight. This Vartox certainly "brought" the charm... in spades!
And of course... that art. Damn. I can't for the life of me figure out why we haven't covered more Amanda Conner books here on the blog... I think this might only be the second one! We're going to have to do something about that... this is pure candy. Amazing work... really couldn't imagine this issue having the same charm under anyone else's pencils.
Overall... this gets a tremendously high recommendation... continuity coughs and all. If you're trying to track it down, I hope your hunt is a lot easier than mine! This issue has been collected in the Power Girl: Power Trip trade paperback, and is available digitally. Run, don't walk!
--
"Lenticular" Cover:
--
Interesting Ads:
930
