X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Eleven (1987)

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 11 (1987)
"Hope"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, Shooter
From: Classic X-Men #11 (July, 1987)

We've got a particularly odd Vignette to visit with today. One I read while in a waiting room yesterday afternoon -- that, I actually scanned through twice, as I wasn't quite sure how to approach it. Well, maybe that's not entirely true -- I'll approach it the same way I approach any comic... by overanalyzing it, attempting to sound intelligent as I do so, and dropping little passive-aggressive digs at the fact that ain't nobody gonna bother reading this.

My real dilemma, and this might just become a "thing", is -- I honestly can't tell ya whether I liked it or not. We talk about X-Men side-stories a lot, yes? We discuss how there's a spectrum that goes from "Essential" to "Unlimited". Unlimited, of course is referring to X-Men Unlimited... which, I'm pretty sure hasn't told a story anybody would consider "Essential" since... well, that first one back in 1993, where Magneto came back! If you're following along with/listening to X-Lapsed [insert passive-aggressive comment here], you'll know that the current X-Men Unlimited Infinity Comic hasn't fared all that much better in the relevance department.

I say all of that, so that I might say this -- writing a new backup story every month, with an emphasis on (relatively) quiet character moments, isn't always going to result in "must-reads". We'll probably vary on how we receive these stories... which, is totally cool. I'd love to hear and discuss your thoughts on each and every one of these. Is this where I jam a passive-aggressive comment about how little engagement I get? Nah, I kid, I kid. Sorta.

Anyway, I'll stop wasting yer time pre-rambling here so we can get into a... weird, and, in my opinion, viery "Unlimited" feeling Vignette.

--

Our story begins in a London Office, not that anyone'd bother to tell us that just yet. Heck, not that it really matters either. It's here we meet a writer named Phil Halloran. He's suffering from... well, a few things, writer's block and depression among them. We see his bin (that's London for garbage can, no?) full of crumpled-up paper and we witness him screening his phone calls. He ain't interested in talking to anybody... especially about having to hit his upcoming deadline. Our man decides to get up and take a late night walk around the city to clear his head. Here, we find out a little bit more about him -- he speaks, via narrative captions, with a thick Claremontian accent. He's evidently a very successful news writer... who has been driven to hopelessness due to what he's been forced to write about all these years. Ya see, reporting crimes isn't a) pleasant, or b) his dream. He wants to be known for writing what he's passionate about... but, nobody cares. Wow, join the club, pal!

Phil tells himself to "quit whining", which is like he's actually participating in self-talk I engage in daily... he thinks to himself why he got into writing in the first place... and cites reading Eagle as a child. He namedrops its flagship character, Dan Dare. By now, his walk has taken him to the closed-to-the-public GPO Tower. GPO (General Post Office) Tower now goes by BT (British Telecom) Tower, and was the tallest structure in England until 1980. And with that, I've done more research on London than Tini Howard did during the entirety of her Excalibur (vol.4) run!

The Tower's been closed off for a bit due to a terrorist bombing. Not sure exactly when this story is meant to be taking place, but the actual real-world bombing occurred on Halloween, 1971. The bombing was performed by the Angry Brigade... which, sounds like a group of silly-hatted supervillains in a Marvel-UK comic -- but under the guise of it being pulled off by the IRA. Since then it's been closed off. Our man Phil decides to try jigglin' the door handle, and is shocked to discover that it ain't locked. He figures "what da hell?" and goes inside to give it a goo. The top level of the tower is one'a them rotating restaurant gimmicks. Our man mentions that his folks promised to take him her for his birthday dinner... but, that was before the attack. He continues his climb, and winds up on the roof of the place... noting that it's a lonnnnng way down.

He stands there, contemplating his next move. It's pretty clear he's trying to make peace with the idea of ending his own life. He's got nothing here but wants... and he assumes that he'll never be happy. Just then, a soft gust of wind... and the arrival of: Storm! Oh yeah, this is an X-Men ditty, innit? Did she detour through this part of London after dealing with the Leprechauns of Cassidy Keep?! Let's assume that's why she's here -- otherwise, this doesn't make all that much sense. She inquires as to why Phil's up here... to which, he shuts her down by simply saying "My business."

Storm lands next to our man, and tells him that he looks familiar. He introduces himself as Phil Halloran, a name Storm immediately recognizes. Okay, now that might be the most unbelievable part of this story. Storm expresses that she's happy to meet him, to which... he tells her that it'd be best that they remain strangers. Worth noting, however, Phil does appear to be immediately smitten, however... because this is a Storm story written by Chris Claremont.

What follows is a page and a half of Phil contemplating suicide, in a very Comics Code Authority approved sort of way. Nebulous and non-committal to say the least. Storm tells him that he'd be missed -- he replies that, those feelings will pass with the quickness. Storm then grabs our man by the arm, and flies with him over the skies of London.

While (or is it "whilst"... or is "whilst" just a word jagoffs on Reddit use to appear intelligent?) in the sky, Phil relaxes a bit, and shares with Storm some of his current dilemma. Words were his "gift" -- like flight and weather-manipulation are hers -- but now, all his words do is bring pain. He's only ever been good at one thing... and it's the one thing that's driven him batty. He has no love nor passion for his craft anymore. Writing, to him, has become rote. Wow, welcome to the club... again, pal!

Storm lets Phil back down on the roof of the tower. She encourages him to try and find a new passion -- to which, he reminds her that he's a writer... this is all he's got. With his back turned to her, he asks how she would feel if he was able to take her powers away. Hey, who does this guy thing he is, Forge? Storm... does not reply... but, that's only because he's just been clubbed over the head by some dude in a rent-a-cop outfit!

The security guard is revealed to be a wanted serial killer. He drags Storm inside to finish the job while encouraging ol' Phil to swan dive into the afterlife. Our man picks up Ororo's bloody headdress and... proceeds to walk to the edge of the tower! Wow, I didn't realize that this security guard was Superman, as written by J. Michael Straczynski!

Fortunately (for Storm), Phil briefly comes to his senses -- and heads back into the rotating ress'arant to confront the creep. Phil... gets his butt kicked. But, he's the killer's punching bag just long enough for Storm to somewhat recover from the clubbering. She manifests a bolt of lightning and zaps the baddie.

We wrap up with Phil tying up the killer. Storm thanks him for running interference, and begs him one more time not to end his life. We actually close out without clarification as to whether or not he did! He says something very "teen-age deep" about what it means to throw ones life away -- do you "throw it away" by dying... or by staying alive. Like I said... very deep. And, well -- that's that!

--

So... pretty odd little ditty, yes? Now, what'd we think?

Well, I'm of a couple minds on this one. First: did this need to be an X-Men story? Probably not. This is definitely in the vein of "Nightcrawler sees dead people" -- which, is to say -- decent enough, but wildly inessential. Hey, that oughta be the tagline for this site! Though to say my stuff is "decent" might be overselling it.

Storm's appearance here... was, I dunno -- I don't wanna say "forced", because -- I mean, it's fiction -- everything in fiction is forced, yes? It's just the odd way in which this story came together. Phil's on the roof of the tower, contemplating taking the quick way back down -- then, Storm just... appears? It's like we're seeing a couple'a cartoon kids thinking about playing with matches, when they're suddenly met by Flint and Lady Jaye. Just so inorganic and outta nowhere.

Just like with the aforementioned recent Nightcrawler Vignette, this really could've been any character (with the power of flight -- except maybe a JMS-written Superman). It didn't have to be Storm... it didn't even have to be an X-Man. It's these stories that I have the hardest time connecting with, as they feel as though (and I might be/probably am projecting) they were just sitting in Claremont's desk drawer collecting dust before he realized he could apply it to a Classix backup. Like I said in the pre-ramble... this one's more "Unlimited" than Essential.

And, while it might sound like I'm bashing or that I didn't like the story... and well, to be honest, it's sorta-kinda the opposite. I can't rightly say that I "enjoyed" it... maybe because it was a bit too relatable? It was good/enlightening, however, as a look into the mind of a depressed writer. A writer who has perhaps lost that spark -- that twinkle in their eye -- their passion. We see Phil's plight/struggle here -- and his dissatisfaction with what makes for "good reading". As a news writer, he's gotta deal with the concept of "if it bleeds, it leads". As we saw during his walkabout, the front pages of all the papers had to do with the "Woman Killer" still being on the loose.

He's made his name writing about tragedy -- to the point where he's become dull to it. As his crumpled up attempts at writing pile up to the point of overflowing his garbage can bin, he realizes that -- maybe, he's just outta words. He's got no more to write/say. Back in the long ago, when I was toying with the idea of writing "professionally" -- I'd say, when talking about how difficult it is to get noticed -- "Everybody's got words, and we were all born with a lifetime supply." Perhaps it's here that Phil's realized that his supply has dried up?

When Storm suggested he find a new passion... our man kinda laughs it off. I appreciated this, as it -- not so much puts Storm in her place, but speaks to the differences in their mindsets. To Storm, writing is a vocation -- not something to define one's life by. To Phil, however, that's all there ever was. To simply say "just find something new" is tantamount to an insult... though, Storm certainly didn't mean it that way.

Writers, and I'm sure a lot of my blogging peers would agree, are a precious bunch. For many of us, this is all we've got as a creative outlet. For many of us, like Phil, it's something we (can) find joy in... but, it's also something we have a measure of control over. I might be projecting... or, maybe even pulling my own personal curtain back a few inches too far -- but, the ability (or, at least the passion) to "create", is almost something you can become a prisoner to. Phil speaks of losing the spark... he sees what "sells" as far as stories go, and realizes that, if he were to follow and write his heart -- it would never be able to compete with a "bloody" front page.

This is... relatable. Ask any writer you know -- real or, in my case, fake-ass. In serious news, prose, or even stupid-hobby sh*t -- we all know how to get noticed. It's mostly a matter of the writer's willingness to do what needs done in order to compete. In our story here, it's as though Phil's been unconsciously denying these inconvenient truths... until right this very moment. It was with this realization he realizes that... he's done. He's said everything he's going to say. He's... outta words.

Ya know what... I think I'm probably projecting a bit too much of myself onto poor Phil... so, I think I'm gonna tug the reins a bit. Suffice it to say, if you're a writer or know any writers, this story will be relatable... though, perhaps not to the extremes that Phil seems/seemed willing to go to. For this reason, I can say that -- while I liked this story... I didn't really enjoy it. Does that make sense?

Probably not... but, when does anything I say?

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Zero (1983)

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 0 (1983)
"a day like any other"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - Dave Cockrum & Hilary Barta
Letters - Tom Orzechowski & David Cody Weiss
Colors - Andy Yanchus
Edits - Jones, Shooter
From: Special Edition X-Men #1 (February, 1983)

Hey, it's Sunday... least if I'm reading this calendar right -- if you've been following me, o these many years, you'll know that calendars are my Kryptonite -- just can't figure 'em out. But, if I'm right -- today's Sunday. And, Sunday is a day where I'll sometimes try and fit something a little "odd" into the rotation.

Enter: today's Vignette offering. First, how ya like that awesome(ly bad) cover I mocked up using a Cockrum pin-up? Eh? Eh? Pretty badass, right?

Now, what's our plan here? This isn't out of an issue of Classix... so, what's the deal? Well, here's da t'ing. I was out and about the other day, fishing thru the bins looking for a copy of Classic X-Men #19... which, I'll eventually be needing to track down for an upcoming post. As I've mentioned, I'd only recently prioritized collecting the Classix... and, as such, I don't yet got 'em all. Sure, I could just use the Marvel Unlimited digitals... but by now, y'all know that isn't my style. So yeah, I was trawlin' the bins for a copy of #19.

Now, da t'ing about Classix is... well, they're easy to find -- but, you can never be quite sure where you'll find 'em. Lemme x-plain. Just like when I was trying to track down my last few issues of 1st Issue Special, the back-issue bins can be a rather frustrating place. Let's take our ol' favorite 1st Issue Special #4... better known these days as the "lolz, Lady Cop issue". If you're bin-diving... this issue could be filed ahead of the A's... as in the "#" books for "1st", or it could be filed in the F's for "First", or it could be filed in the L's for "Lady Cop". I've even found some 1IS's filed in the D's for "DC"! So, kinduva pain in the butt. Add to the fact that most shops could give a crap about a title as offbeat as 1IS (until now, when it's suddenly en vogue to care about it), and you're in for a hunt.

Applying that to this run... we've got Classic X-Men... which changes to X-Men Classic. Which means you might find these filed under the "C" (singing crabs optional), or under the "X" -- sometimes they're jammed after the Uncanny's... sometimes they're crammed in the "X-Men Miniseries/Etc." bins. I mean, these are "caviar problems" for me to be kvetching about, to be sure -- but, what can I say?

Anyway, so I'm lookin' fer #19, right? And, I'm in the "X-Misc." region of the bins, and I happened across Special Edition X-Men #1... which I've seen like a million times before, but never felt the need to nab. I usually associate this one with those other X-Men Classics... ya know, the three-issue dealie from 1983 (below) that reprinted some of the Thomas/Adams Savage Land stuff from outta the original 66? I see those all the time too... but, only recently pulled the trigger outta "Classix completionism".

I'd long heard that this Special Edition has "x-tra pages"... which, as it's a reprint of Giant-Size #1, I assumed meant that it had those added pages that were also a part of the lead-story in Classic X-Men #1 (1986). And, since I need another reprint of Giant-Size like I need a hole in the head, I never thought to pick it up -- especially not at the twenty or so bucks I regularly see it going for.

Well, during this recent bin-dive, I managed to find a copy of the thing for... well, cover-price - two bucks! Figured, "eh, what da hell?" and picked it up as a curiosity. When I got home and de-bagged it, I noticed the "All-New" story promoted on the back cover... and, well -- this might make me seem like an even more Fake-Ass Comics/X-Men Historian than ever, it was a story I never realize x-isted! Cracked it open -- saw the weird little story -- saw the very recognizable "climax" panel... and, figured I might as well add it to the Vignette pile.

Which... some several hundred words later, finally brings us to actually talkin' about the thing.

--

We open on... well if the title is to be believed (and it really shouldn't be), a day like any other, where Kitty Pry... err, waitasec... what happened to her face? I know Byrne mentioned that he used Sigourney Weaver as inspiration for Kitty' facial design, but I didn't realize he meant "current day". Lemme just get this outta the way -- the art here, though we've got Cockrum's name in the credits -- ain't gonna be the most pleasant to behold. I feel bad saying so -- but, well, it has to be said. Anyway, she's practicing some of her gymnastics in the Danger Room, when she overexerts herself and misses a reach of the uneven bars -- resulting in her slamming to the ground shoulder first. She was so shocked by the miss, that she didn't even have the chance to phase through the floor before hitting it. Lucky (?) for her, Illyana is there to check and make sure she's not too dinged up. Well, let's hope she doesn't look Kitty in the face.

Illyana tells Kitty how overwhelming the Xavier Mansion is... and how she's been exploring it bit-by-bit. Now, let's try and match this up in "real-time"... well, Marvel-real-time, anyway. This Special Edition X-Men has a February, 1983 cover-date -- which lines it up with the release of Uncanny X-Men #166. Yup, it lines up -- (teen-age) Illyana was still quite new to the mansion at this point. Anyway, so it's here that Kitty decides that she'll give her pal the grand tour of the place -- starting with a chat about the Dangerous Room they currently occupy. Now, there's something to be said about subtlety, yes? And how it's possible to write an info-dump without it immediately feeling like one. Well, Claremont kinda straddles the line here -- some bits feel like organic lines of conversation, while the rest are text-book citations. Oh well, I suppose that sorta was the mission of this short story, eh?

After a once over of the Danger Room, including a brief comparison of the new Shi'ar version and the Original "wrecking balls and spiked walls" version, the gals head into Professor X's office. Well, I'm actually getting a bit ahead of myself. Kitty tells Illyana that the School is broken up into three segments. In addition to some "common areas", there are areas for the X-Men, the New Mutants, and for Xavier himself. Okay, with that said, it's into Xavier's study. Kitty points out that there's a lab in there that no one's allowed to enter -- so, that's probably where the Juggernaut's hanging out. Also, Cerebro, which Kitty describes as being something that the Professor doesn't use very often because of the massive strain it puts on his brain. I mean, it's not like he'll ever wear the thing as a helmet, right?!

Since there ain't all that much more to look at here, the girls next head up to the attic to admire Storm's indoor garden. Kitty says that she's responsible for taking care of it while Ororo's away -- and that includes having full-on conversations with the plants! Well, it works for my mother-in-law. I tell ya, her plants grow alarmingly fast -- whereas ours refuse to. Only difference seems to be that she talks to them all the time. I ain't no botanist... not even a fake-ass one, so I couldn't say what's what. Kitty also shares a story of Ororo's past with Illyana, which I cannot off the top of my head, pin-point. Though, since it's Claremont, I'm sure it's a legit nod to his own prior work.

Next up, we'll do a two-fer, since there ain't much to this next leg of the tour. First stop is the "Guest Room", which formerly belonged to Jean Grey. Kitty mentions that she'd only ever met Jean once, and it was right before she died. During that meeting, however, Jean did save her life. The next room over, belongs to Cyclops -- who, Kitty doesn't really seem to have a whole lot to say about. We see that he's got some rocketship paraphernalia on his shelves, a framed photo of he, Corsair, and (assumedly) Alex. There's also a portrait of Jean on his desk. Like I said, Kitty is quite disinterested in this leg of the tour, probably because "eww, original five".

Next stop is Wolverine's room -- which, is far more romantic and samurai-ish than Illyana expected. Wolverine's original miniseries (Claremont/Miller) had already run by this point -- which, I suppose defined Logan's personality as a dude who's into Japanese culture. He's got a couple of framed photos on his table... which, if the wayyy overused (and not half as funny as folks seem to think) meme can be believed, he probably snuggles up with 'em in bed regularly.

Next, we've got another two-fer. Nightcrawler's room is equipped with a jungle gym, which he sometimes lets Kitty use. He's also got a tiny pterodactyl in a birdcage. The dino's name is Colonel Pterydactylee... and this is apparently the only time we'll ever see the li'l feller. Then, it's Colossus room, which as you might imagine looks kinda artsy. It's here we get a bit of icky statutory chatter among the gals. Illyana really seems to wanna see Call Me Kitty get it on with her big bro. It's... ya know, icky.

From here, we head to Kitty and Illyana's shared dorm... and it's a mess. It's full'a fun pop culture relics of the day -- and, a bit more icky "you ought start banging my big brother" chatter. Kitty feels about as weirded out as the rest of us do about this proposed coupling. She states that Piotr is 19... and she's only 14. Wow, before we get into the Chris Hansen-ness of that line, let's talk about Katya's age for a beat. Here, in 1983 (our time), CC tells us that she's 14. From here, we'll have the Mutant Massacre... Kitty'll leave to join Excalibur, where she'll stay for the entirety of its 125 issue run (including a romantic... and physical relationship with Pete Wisdom), she'd also join S.H.I.E.L.D.! Then, she'd be brought back (with Colossus and Nightcrawler) during that weird Children of the Atom dealie -- then, a couple'a years after that, CC would return to the X-Books, and have Kitty say that she's "only 16". Hrmm. I'm all for "sliding timelines", but... c'mahhhhhhhn, Chris. Okay, with that outta the way, Illyana continues to badger Kitty into boffin' her brother, even going so far as to say that Romeo and Juliut had a bigger age gap between 'em. Oy.

Howasabout we move along before we're added to a watch-list, yes? Okay, lets. Kitty and Illyana then head out to the pool, where... speaking of creeps, a bald man is watching them via monitor... and he's quite pleased by what he sees. Sinisterly, she posits that he'll give them a return home they won't soon forget! Uh-oh.

After dipping in the pool, the gals dip into the lake. It's a very swimmy afternoon, ya see? From the lake, they reach a secret underwater entrance to the Blackbird hangar. They then head off to the adjoining "dressing room" to change clothes and blow-dry their hair -- before taking a peek at the Mansion's "holography system" -- basically a way to keep tabs on the entire property and ensure nobody breaks in.

Speaking of which -- they just so happen to see an intrusion occur right before their eyes! Someone has broken into the main house! The girls hop into the tram-monorail-gimmick to rush back and see what's up. On the way, Kitty tells Illyana about that N'Garai monster she had to fight on that one Christmas Eve -- a story I discussed during Merry X-Lapsed, Year One.

Anyway, they finally make it to the main house... and come up to the room where the holographic alarm sounded. Kitty goes to open the door... at which time, Illyana shoves her into the room - where... the entire X-tended Family are waiting to spring a Surprise Birthday Party on Ms. Pryde. Gonna guess she turned 14... today then? Worth noting, if you're a part of the X-Lapsed Facebook Group... this is the image I usually post anytime a member has a birthday. I never stopped to think about what issue it actually occurred in... but, now I know!

Kitty blows out her candles, kisses a confused and uncomfortable Piotr on the lips, and thanks Illyana for keeping her off the scent long enough for the party to be sprung, thereby gifting her the best day of her entire life.

--

So... that was our look into the "Secrets of the Mansion", courtesy of Kitty and Illyana -- what'd you all think of that one?

I... kinda dug it. Looking at it in the Gestalt of when it was released, it stands to reason that Marvel would wanna properly introduce the new/then-current cast of characters to a potentially new reader, who might've heard a bit of a buzz about Giant-Size. So, in this Special Edition package, you're getting Giant-Size in its entirety... plus, something x-tra. Now, as I've mentioned time and again -- Giant-Size ain't all that great a story. It's basic, it's formulaic -- it's a means to an end, and not much more. It's quite surprising how Claremont was able to springboard from it into his seminal and legendary run!

Now, the transition from Warren's famous "whattawegonnadowi'tirteenecksmen?" line into Kitty stumblin' and fumblin' in the Danger Room might be a bit of a shock to the system for a newbie -- but, the story itself (while not pleasant to look at) does the job of familiarizing us with the current-day status quo quite well. Using Illyana as our POV character was a great idea as well. At this point, she was "new" enough of a character to come across as somewhat naïve... while being familiar enough with all things X to be able to follow along and interject when context was needed.

This was also a fun reminder of Kitty and Illyana's friendship... which, in my opinion, hasn't felt this genuine in ages. Nowadays... well, nowadays, the characters change personalities just as often as the writer needs 'em to in order to tell their story -- so, it's probably not a fair comparison. In any event, it was fun to see 'em chummin' it up here. Even if the "hey, you oughta go bang my adult older brother" discussion was perhaps a bit too "take a seat" for my tastes.

The quick 'n dirty on the current slew of X-Folks was, as mentioned during the spoilery synopsis, a decent enough straddling of organic discourse and infodump lecture. It served its purpose... though, I tell ya what, it was very weird at how (comparably) little discussion Jean and Scott got here. I guess it's all about when you discover the team, eh? As you (may) know, I came in with the 1991 series, where Scott and Jean loomed large -- and characters like Nightcrawler and Kitty were off in that other weird book I couldn't afford to add to my meager pull.

The ending with the reveal of Kitty's surprise birthday party was cute. I'm happy to finally know where that "SURPRISE!" panel came from -- lord knows I use the thing often enough over at the FB group! Weird that I never stopped to think where it first appeared! I guess I probably just assumed I'd read it somewhere. Sometimes these stories blend together.

I don't wanna dwell too long on the art... because, ya know -- I'm not an artist, and I feel bad bagging on the work of others, but... woof. Not sure if this was a rush job, or perhaps Cockrum didn't blend well with Barta... but, the difference between that final page of the story from Giant-Size and the first page of this? Man, that'll send ya into some weird ocular whiplash! Not the finest outing art-wise.

Overall, glad to finally own this Special Edition... and very pleased to be able to x-perience and share an X-Men ditty I never knew x-isted! Hope you all dug this dip into the weird... and, I'll get things more back to "normal" next time out.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Ten (1987)

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 10 (1987)
"Tag, Sucker!"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, Shooter
From: Classic X-Men #10 (June, 1987)

Our story opens with Wolverine acclimating himself to life in and around New York City... and since this is the less PG-NYC of the long ago, it's full'a all sorta smut -- and Claremontian Captions waxing on about said smut. Our man goes to light up a smoke... however, before the match can do its thang, the cig is swiped right out from between his lips! Our hero is shocked... as even his hyper-keen senses (which he's always bragging about) didn't give him any warning. This act of cigarette-stealin' is just the opening gambit in a playful... and eventually bloody, little game of tag between Wolverine and... well, you know. Worth noting, Wolvie is stood outside a movie theatre which is advertising Marada the She-Wolf, which is a 1985 novel written by Claremont with illustrations by Bolton!

Wolverine feels eyes... and a smile. I guess those world-famous senses are finally kicking in. He busts through a crowd of New Yorkers, worrying that his pursuer could be any one of them. Ya see, there are so many folks here that he's having trouble "zeroing in" on who might just be out to get him. Our man runs through traffic, and acrobats himself up to a fire escape. On the way up, he informs us that he was once a secret agent -- working in Siberia and the West Pacific. I don't think this is completely "new" information at this point, but, retcononically -- it might be his first time mentioning it. At least to this point. I think. Oh, Chris just stop worrying about it and move on...

Out of (immediate) harm's way, Wolverine finds himself at the West Side Saloon in Chelsea -- where he proceeds to complain-in-Claremontian about gentrification. He doesn't dig the fact that these seedy ol' joints are being rehabbed into places where folks actually might wanna be. Inside, he's given a brew by the barkeep... who seems to have some keen-senses of his own. He tells our hero that, if he's lookin' for trouble, he'd better take it outside.

From here, we get a pretty neat page of Wolverine taking in his surroundings... while also spending a lot of narrative captions saying very little. His eyes eventually wander over to the bar, where a... I don't know if she's supposed to be attractive or a trainwreck (it's a blurry line sometimes, innit?)... but, a woman is there, and she smiles at him. Our man doesn't seem to notice her smile... but, instead sees another -- disembodied, deadlier and dare I say sabre-toothed, smile from outside the window.

Wolverine rushes toward the door to try and track down the owner of this smile. He's so out-to-lunch, however, that he nearly knocks the grinning woman off her barstool! When he arrives outside the gin-joint, he sees... well, he sees nothing.

The grinning lady heads out to lambaste our man a bit for being less-than-classy. She then disappears around the corner -- where she is loudly murdered by... well, you know. The barkeep rushes out to see what's what -- and despite the fact that the only two people here are Wolverine and the dead woman (Francie) -- doesn't seem to think our fella done the deed? I thought he was already kinda wary of Wolvie being somewhat dangerous? Oh well...

Wolverine leaves the scene of the crime, fearing that the next death at the hands of... well, you know... will be him. He climbs down into the subway, and hops a ride on the side of a train, taking him to Battery Park -- for some reason. There, he changes into his Yellow and Blue Wolverine togs -- and pops his claws. Worth noting, he says that his (razor-sharp and unbreakable) Adamantium claws were "bionically implanted" into his forearms... which, at the time, was as good a guess as any!

From here -- we head right into our ending. Wolverine is grabbed from behind and has his throat ripped out! He's then tossed into the drink, while his (still unseen, but obvious) attacker informs him that he's "always been a disappointment". Later, Wolverine pulls himself out and onto the Staten Island Ferry... informs us all that he's got, ya know, a healing power that saved him. And finally, let's the sabre-toothed cat outta the bag about who he just engaged in this deadly game of tag with! He worries that he'll never be able to stand toe-to-toe against his foe.

--

If you're familiar with X-Lapsed, you'll know that -- if nothing else, I tend to repeat myself a lot. In fact, one of the things I repeat most often is that very fact. Another thing you may know is that, I usually enjoy Wolverine stories... but, dread actually having to talk about them -- because, they usually don't lend themselves to the sort of "biting" analysis I like to do.

This story here is... very much like that. I enjoyed it -- I mean, what's not to dig about a fun Wolvie romp, right? That said, however -- what in the world can I possibly say about it. Not much. It's Wolverine doing Wolverine things... facing off with and coming up short against his arch-enemy. It's good -- and perhaps back in ye old 1987, a very novel story to tell -- but, in "current year", with countless similar Wolverine stories out there, there just isn't much to talk about!

So, instead -- howsabout we jump into the ever-nebulous "weeds"?

Knowing what we know now, Wolverine and Sabretooth have quite the tangled history, yes? As of the publication of Classic X-Men #10 back in 1987, that history hadn't been fully fleshed out. This issue hit the same month as Uncanny X-Men #218. Wolverine and Sabretooth's first actual run-in (barring retcons) was Uncanny #212... or Power Pack #27, if we wanna look like know-it-alls (Wolverine and Sabretooth DO share the cover... but do NOT cross paths in the ish). In either event, their "shared history" at this point is... ya know, brief.

What we know now, however, is that their history goes back for... ever. It also includes these "games of tag" every so often -- and, an annual visit from Sabretooth on Wolverine's birthday -- where be beats him to within an inch of his life, pretty much just to show off that he can. We don't find out that today is Wolverine's birthday... but, hey -- we're in the weeds, right?

Another interesting wrinkle to me in this story... which might just be a case of me pretending that I know "how the sausage is made", is the fact that -- when Sabretooth plopped Wolverine into the drink, he said that he's always been a disappointment. Well, seasoned X-Fans might remember Claremont's flirtation with the idea that Sabretooth was Wolverine's father (and even made it canon in X-Men Forever, if I'm not mistaken). I've got a few magazines where CC talks about that -- and [around 30 minutes later] naturally, they're all currently at the old house.

It ain't like I'm blowing any minds or anything though, and information about Wolverine's proposed parentage isn't too terribly difficult to track down if you're interested. But, all that to say, I found Sabretooth's dialogue here to be very much in the vein of a "disappointed father". So, I wonder if Claremont already had that in mind as a possibility at this point?

To talk a little about the story itself -- it's probably best not to think too hard about it, ya know? There are bits here that feel extremely sloppy -- such as: Why would the barkeep just let Wolverine leave after finding Francie's bleedin' corpse? Were the police called? Is Wolverine a wanted man? I dunno! On the other hand, I always appreciate Wolverine being portrayed as less than perfect. Seeing him get his butt handed to him by Sabretooth was refreshing, and spoke to the fact that he's still got a long way to go in training and mental focus. That's good stuff.

Like I said, gang -- I'm vampin' for word count here -- there ain't much to say about this story besides the fact that: a) it was good, and b) it was beautifully drawn. Overall, this one'll probably take ya less than five minutes to read... and I'd say it's well worth that time.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Nine (1987)

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 9 (1987)
"The Gift"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, Shooter
From: Classic X-Men #9 (May, 1987)

Well, it had to happen eventually -- while what we're about to discuss isn't a bad story (I say that a lot, don't I?), if we were to compare it to our other Vignette offerings to this point, I personally feel like it's a bit of a dud.

It's Nightcrawler-centric, and it occurs right after Christmas... you'd think I'd be a total sucker for a ditty like this. Well, maybe actually writing about it will change my tune a bit? Wouldn't be the first time!

--

This story is a continuation of X-Men #101 (which was the main feature in this issue of Classix), and it opens with the X-Men waiting around at the hospital waiting for news on Jean. In #101, Jean did the whole Phoenix "Rising from the ashes of Jamaica Bay" thing -- so, she's "alive"... only, she slipped into a coma pretty quick. As mentioned in the pre-ramble, Nightcrawler will be out point-of-view character this time out. He gazes out a window, and notes that the hospital hasn't yet bothered to take their Christmas Tree down... despite the fact that it's already the second week of January. Sounds like my house! After looking at both his reflection in the glass and dropping a full-blown Claremontian soliloquy, Kurt spots a young boy sitting on a bench by the Tree. He BAMFs down to investigate.

In the down-below, the young boy is frightened by a bird who'd made its home in the Christmas Tree, causing him to fall off the bench. This gets a belly-laugh out of our Fuzzy Elf. Kurt (using his Image Inducer, natch) greets the boy, asking what he's doing out here so late. The kid really ain't in any mood to talk -- he makes it quite clear that he's just here waiting, and doesn't wanna be bothered. Kurt, again, suggests that this fella get on home before anything bad happens. The kid ain't movin'... which leaves our hero with a bit of a dilemma -- does he BAMF out and not worry about him, or... does he stick by this boy's side, just in case.

Before Nightcrawler can decide, they are both approached by a security guard who informs them that they're both trespassing. In fact, he wonders how either of them managed to get into the courtyard at all, considering the gates have been locked all night. Well, we know how Kurt got in... but, what about the boy? I guess this rent-a-cop's never heard of kids climbing fences, eh?

Anyway, the guard tells them to skadoo before he calls the actual police. Before we move on though, I just wantcha to deposit the fact that the guard addressed Nightcrawler and the boy into your memory banks. Okay, with that said -- Kurt and the lad head into the hospital cafeteria for a bite. Our man introduces himself, and shares that he has a very dear friend in intensive care at present. Hmm. Ya know, I don't wanna be "that guy", but, have Kurt and Jean even had a conversation at this point? I mean, she left the school shortly after the Krakoa ordeal. I dunno, I can't speak for Kurt's heart, maybe they are "dear friends" -- it probably definitely doesn't matter. Kurt says that his "dear friend" is lucky because she gets to be asleep while everybody else worries. I "get" that, but -- still kind of a dick thing to say, no? Oh well, the boy returns the favor, introducing himself as Daniel Cameron... and kinda calls Kurt out on his stupid line when he alludes to the fact that he is a cancer survivor... or, rather just that he had cancer.

With the noshin' done, Kurt informs Daniel that he'll be escorting him home. Daniel doesn't care one way or another. When their hunt for a cab proves futile, they decide to hoof it. Kurt attempts to reach the boy over and over -- which is about as futile as, well, finding a cab at 2am. Finally, our man takes a page out of his circus days, and walks on his hands for a bit. This actually manages to break through and get Danny's attention.

The boy begins to get a bit cocky at this point... proclaiming that he's bored of the city scenery, he runs into Central Park. Central Park... in the middle of the night... back in the 70s/80s? Yeah, not a great idea, kid! Daniel gives our man a "Catch me if you can", and is rendered quite shocked when Kurt BAMFs in ahead of him. He doesn't actually SEE the BAMFing, just that his new adult pal has beaten him into the Park.

From here, we get, what feels like a dozen pages of Kurt teaching Daniel how to juggle. Like for real, this scene -- while actually quite brief -- feels like it lasts forever and a day. Before the Sun comes up, our man is able to get the boy to successfully bobble the balls. Minds out of the gutter, please.

The night out wraps up back at Daniel's stoop. Here, Kurt feels as though he ought to share his true self with the boy. Again, minds out of the gutter. He shuts down the Image Inducer, revealing his Fuzzy Elf form. As we found out a few chapters back, people don't seem to mind it when a smiling demon is standing in front of them -- better a demon than a steel-skinned Russian, anyway -- so, Daniel accepts Kurt's true form. They embrace promising to see each other back at the hospital the following day.

Which takes us to the hospital... and the following day. Kurt finds a nurse to inquire as to where he might find Daniel Cameron. To which, we get our Twilight Zone twist -- the nurse points to the blanket-covered corpse she's wheeling out of a room, and informs our hero that this is Daniel Cameron... and he died the night before! Kurt can't believe it -- and tries to wrap his mind around exactly what it was that he x-perienced the night before. We wrap up with Nightcrawler back outside by the Christmas Tree, where he juggles-in-Claremontian for his ethereal pal.

--

So yeah, like I said above -- this isn't a bad story, and it's actually quite touching. That said, and like I said above (again), it kinda felt like a dud to me. Sure, there's plenty to like -- I mean, it's more X-Men after all... from a time before the entire line was bloated and overexposed to the point of parody -- so, there's that. The art, as we've become accustom, is gorgeous. There's a Christmas feeling in the air, which I'm always a sucker for -- but, still -- I'm kinda just sittin' here with a furrowed brow and an embarrassingly constipated look on my mug.

Nightcrawler helping a ghost boy to pass on to the other side -- which that same ghost boy helps him cope with the plight of his comatose "dear friend", Jean... is an okay story to tell. Perhaps it's only in comparing it with the other Vignettes we've looked at that it comes across as being somewhat "less than"? I mean, not every story we've covered (or will cover) is going to be "essential", but -- even then, this one just fell flat. At least for me.

Now, what's my sticking point here? I'm honestly not sure. Is it the "we all saw it coming from a mile away" Twilight Zone twist? Is it how that the rent-a-cop actually seemed to see the ghost boy? Is it the fact that this story could've basically been told using any character in the Marvel Universe as our P.O.V. (minus the juggling, of course)? I dunno. All's I do know is -- it was a bit of chore to both read and write about.

Part of me wonders/hopes that it'll eventually be revealed that Daniel Cameron would eventually manifest mutant powers -- and now, as part of the (current-year) Scarlet Witch's Resurrection Protocol "waiting room", maybe he'll be brought back (a la Northstar's adopted daughter)! If so, y'all better get this ish slabbed with the quickness~! Maybe this little ditty'll be reprinted as a back up in an upcoming issue of Legion of X? If so, ya hoid it here first!

Boy was that a stupid and unnecessary paragraph. Apologies -- this is just what happens when I'm vamping for word count and have very little to say about a given topic! This is probably a sign that I should just wrap it up... so, I will!

Next time out: Wolverine and Sabretooth play a deadly game of tag. Be there!