Xero #1 (1997)

Xero #1 (May, 1997)
"the Closer"
Writer - Christopher Priest
Penciller - Chriscross
Inker - Tom Simmons
Colorist - Gloria Vasquez
Letterer - Willie Schubert
Editors - Dan Thorsland & Alisande Morales
Cover Price: $1.75

Stupid things to lose sleep over... do I call it "Xero" or "Xer0"?  Let's just go with the first one...

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We open with a D.E.A. Agent named Rick being submerged into the drink.  He's being pulled to the bottom by a rather large stone.  Luckily for him, Xero was happening by.  He (Xero) straps some scuba equipment to Rick and rescues him from drowning.  Above water, he interrogates the nearly-drowned fella... ya see, they appear to have similar goals.  Ricks doesn't appear to be all that keen on spillin' the beans... but a sock to the mush does the trick.

The person Xero is after is called Maltano... and he's hid out on the underwater "den of iniquity" known as The Greta Garbo.  Xero heads over to the Garbo, and, using the X-Enzymes he's been imbued with he's able to phase through its walls.  X-Enzymes?  We'll get there...

Inside, Xero sheds his costume and attempts to fit in with the movers and shakers.  They're gamblers... and it would appear that tonight's "big money" is on an NBA game.  Large screens show an interview with the Whatever City (National City?) Vipers power forwards... well, one of the power forwards.  It would seem as though Coltrane "Trane" Walker hasn't showed up.

As Xero scans the floor (and the people on it) with his "DeadEye", the screen transitions to a story about "Trane".  Seems he's kind of a "bad boy" in the NBA... and this was back when that sort of thing was, well.. a thing.

Xero then finds his man... Carl Maltano, who is currently indisposed.  No matter, Xero walks through the bathroom wall and grabs the fool by the collar.  Ya see, he's looking for a key.

Maltano ain't talking... so, Xero ups the stakes by, well... jamming a gun into his chin.  That's part of his "SkyTrane" training, donchaknow.  Heyyy... Trane... hmm, ya don't think?!  Worth noting, another bad guy knocks on the bathroom door to check on ol' Carl... and we learn that Xero can do a pretty good Carl Maltano imitation.  Must go over huge at parties!  Xero finds out that the key is inside Maltano's DayRunner... which I'm guessing is his planner.  Back news though... that DayRunner is at the goon table... meaning, it's surrounded by goons.

That's okay though... Xero is a killing machine.  He starts taking goons out in sorta creative ways, until...

... there's a riot!  No, Xero hasn't been found out... it's just a stampede of "high rollers" looking to change their NBA bet.  Ya see, Trane isn't going to play... and that changes everything!  Then... shots are fired... and everything goes to pot.

Like, The Greta Garbo starts to fall to pieces... big time!

Xero manages to grab the DayRunner and make a clean-ish escape.  He rejoins Rick... who is surprised to learn that Xero is... a Closer.  Closers "fix" things... and since Rick himself failed to get the key... Xero was sent in to make things right.

We jump ahead a few hours... and over to East St. Louis, where a man is holding his waitress hostage because the eggs she served him were too cold.  Xero measures his options... should he intervene?  A DeadEye scan reveals that the man's gun wasn't loaded... so, he figures the waitress (Kelli) isn't really in all that much danger.  Besides... he's gotta other things to do.

Xero pulls up to the Wakefield Arena... removes his rubber face mask... and reveals himself to actually be "Trane" Walker.  Wha-----?!  Okay yeah, I think we all saw that coming.

Inside, Walker argues with his teammates... and there isn't a whole lot more to say about that.

We wrap up with yet another reveal.  Back at "home", we learn that Trane Walker is actually... a dead man.  "Blown to bits" years earlier, and only back among the living due to that X-Enzyme we mentioned a little ways back.  His brother, Trent is (or might be) the fella behind the X-Enyzme... the SkyTrane, and the DriveTrane.  Hopefully this will be fleshed out a bit better over the next few issues.  Trane is contacted by his... boss, who gives him the thumbs-up on "closing" the Moltano case... meanwhile, all he can think about is whether or not he should've saved Kelli the Waitress.

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So... what'd we think?

Well, it's an interesting story... I guess.  And the character of Xero/Xer0 is pretty cool.  I'm not a big James Bond guy... hell, I haven't seen a single one... but, I feel like this might be a souped up take on that sort of character.

This was before DC allowed Priest to go hog-wild with the Frasier segues... which, I feel only really worked in Quantum and Woody anyway... so, instead we just get great big walls of text.  That could work, if we were dealing with a character we had a vested interest in.  Xero is a whole new deal, and we literally don't know him from Adam... and so, it's difficult (at least for me) to go "all in" on these blocks of text.

The narration is clunky... I get the impression that we're being told this story from the point of view of Xero... and yet, he refers to himself in the third person.  I'm not sure if that's a riff on some ego-heavy athletes of the day (Deion Sanders, perhaps?)... but, it makes for a clumsy read.

We talked yesterday about The Weinbergs... and how we were just hammered over and over again with names and concepts... and by the end of it, it just felt like a rat king of ideas shambling toward us.  With all of the "Trane" talk here, I felt the same way.  Did we really need to hear about both "DriveTrain" and "SkyTrane"?  I mean, I might be a bit denser than most, but it took a second read for me to figure out what was going on at The Greta Garbo to begin with... I certainly don't need all these concepts flung at me without context.

The big "reveals" here... were well done enough, I suppose.  From the first mention of "SkyTrane", I had that sneaking suspicion that there was more to Xero than meets the eye.  Also, the fact that he referred to himself (I think twice) as 6' 6" kinda got my attention.  Still... a pretty neat idea.  Trane Walker having been "killed" earlier... I guess that's also a neat idea that can be explored as the series moves forward.

The art here from Chriscross is really good.  I usually enjoy his work... thought he was a blast on the Peter David run of Captain Marvel.  The storytelling, however... was a little bit muddy.  Again... just like The Weinbergs yesterday... panel/scene transitions were a bit hinky.  Maybe Priest was already in that "Frasier" mode at this point... I really don't know.  All's I'm saying is that it was tough to follow in places.

Overall... a fun curiosity from the post-boom "throw it at the wall" era of DC Comics.  Might be worth a look... however, it's also one'a these books...

... just like Young Heroes in Love, Sovereign Seven, and Relative Heroes, this is one of those creator-owned "deals".  So, I wouldn't be holding my breath for this to be collected or made available digitally.  Though, stranger things have happened...

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Relative Heroes #1 (2000)

Relative Heroes #1 (March, 2000)
"Fate and Other Accidents"
Writer - Devin K. Grayson
Penciller - Yvel Guichet
Inker - Aaron Sowd
Letterer - Bill Oakley
Colorist/Separations - Rob Schwager
Assistant Editor - Frank Berrios
Editors - Jordan B. Gorfinkel & Darren Vincenzo
Cover Price: $2.50

Hey gang, wanted to open up today with a bit of housekeeping... but can't quite make the words "work" for me.  Guess I'll save that non-announcement for another day.

Today we're digging back into that weird-o box to check out a book that might go well with that The Human Race book we looked at not all that long ago.

Originally conceived as "The Weinbergs" (which sounds like something that just jumps off the shelves atcha, doesn't it?  I'm having Osborn flashbacks), Relative Heroes will follow a group of orphans across the country in a Winnebago.  So... let's get right to it.

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We open in the middle of the story, where the kids we're about to meet are already on the road... being tailed by a group of costumed characters.  The one named Joel appears to be our narrator... and he takes us back to where the story began.  Ya see, just a few hours earlier these Weinberg kids' parents were killed in a car accident.

There are two "blood" Weinberg kids... Joel and little Aviva.  One adopted Weinberg, Tyson... one "cousin" Cameron, and a babysitter-who's-sort-of-like-family, Damara.  Upon seeing the news of their parents' fiery death... they all seem, I dunno... cool with it?!

Joel organizes the crew... and lays out their plan.  First they'll meet up with Grandpa and collect their inheritance money (so they can buy superhero costumes, natch), then they'll drive the Winnebago all the way across country to Metropolis so they can chat Superman up?

As they load into the Winnie... that's when the kids start to get antsy.  When they're antsy, they start to display their powers.  Tyson goes invisible, Aviva begins to surge with electricity... Damara, uh, emits pheromones that cause people to fall in love with her... and Cameron runs fast, flies... maybe both... maybe more?  For the minute, however, he talks to his plant, Chloe.

As they pull away from the house, Joel reveals that his father just introduced Cameron to the family... and introduced him as a cousin... even though, the Weinberg brats had no aunts or uncles.  A neighbor moseys up to the 'Bago... to which, Cam informs her that they're off to see Superman.  Totally normal reaction to the deaths of their parents.

Before leaving town, Damara tells her mother she's splitting for a bit to help the Weinberg family.  Joel stops at the comic book store for the latest issue of Hyperman... and to tell the dude behind the counter that, with his parents now dead... he's now got that "super-hero prerequisite" out of the way.  Wow, dodge dem tropes people!

On their way out, the kids stop at a convenience store to stock up on essentials.  I guess there was no food at their house.  While there, they run into a group of suited D.E.O. Agents... and find themselves ambushed by those costumed characters we saw at the open.

The D.E.O. group reveals that they're after "Project Cypher", which... as it turns out is young Cameron.  Guess that explains his powers.  Doesn't explain the rest of their powers, but it explains his!

The fight continues... the convenience store explodes, and the Weinbergs hustle back into the 'Bago... and we're right up to the point where we started.  With the authorities hot on their trail, Joel decides now is the time to start making a real jerk of himself.... really trying to rile his fellow Weinberg's up.  He then suggests they stop the chase, and go out and fight off the D.E.O.  And so, Damara and Aviva do just that.  Who says chivalry's dead.

When the D.E.O. forces are whittled down enough, the kids make their escape.  We pick up with them the next morning... where Joel asks Aviva if she wants some pancakes.  It's a creepy as hell panel, and I had to include it.

We wrap up with the introduction of... a water elemental, who claims to be the fiancee of Damara?!

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Well, this was all over the place, wasn't it?

Not gonna lie, this was a difficult read.  Feels like they were trying to stuff a bag two-sizes too small here.  So much was going on that we didn't really get a chance to meet (and develop any sort of interest in) the Weinbergs.

The fact that so much of the "story" is told in narrative captions was kinda rough as well.  I mean, we've got Joel (and it took me multiple flips back and forth to make sure he wasn't Cameron) just listing names of his skatey-eight hundred brothers and sisters.  When we open an all-new story in the most confusing and difficult to follow way... it almost demands a reread.  Only the story isn't interesting enough to warrant one!

The storytelling, insofar as the art... didn't help.  The art itself looks okay however the panels don't have all that great a flow.  It's muddled... and, again... just too much.  We've got panels of the kids in street clothes... then costume... then street clothes... what is going on?!

The kids' reaction... or lack of a reaction over their parents' death... I mean... are we supposed to dislike these kids?  Is the big reveal going to be that these kids are jerks, and we shouldn't try and empathize with them?  Because that's how I'm feeling at the moment.  Several decades of comic-reading experience tells me that there's (hopefully) more to this story... but, as of this point... do I even care?  Not really.

I gotta mention that scene at the comic store.  Joel tells dude behind the counter about "dead parents" being a prerequisite to becoming a superhero.  This comic occurs in the DC Universe... is this a trope we really want to be "known" by the ordinary rabble?  I mean, I get that it's a "cute" reference that perks our ears up a bit... but, c'mon... it's a dumb line to say inside a DC Comic that occurs inside the DC Universe.

Overall... I can't say that you need the Weinbergs in your life.  It's decent for a "rookie" outing... but still something of a chore.  The most interesting part of this is that it was created in the first place.

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Scare Tactics #1 (1996)

Scare Tactics #1 (December, 1996)
"Blitzkrieg Bop"
Writer - Len Kaminski
Penciller - Anthony Williams
Inker - Andy Lanning
Letterer - Pat Prentice
Colorist - James Sinclair
Assistant Editor - Dread Kali
Editor - D.K. Thorslund
Cover Price: $2.25

I ever tell you about the time I passed up on an entire run of Scare Tactics that I stumbled across in a dime-bin?  Either way, I guess I just did!

No sooner did I leave the store than I felt a massive wave of regret.  It's funny the silly things we regret... and those silly things we won't allow ourselves to forget we regret.  Anyhoo, I'm slowly but surely tracking down all of those issues I'd passed up on all them years ago.

In case you'd like some music to go along with your reading... might I suggest, inhumanifesto by... er, Scare Tactics.

If you're a listener of Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill... and really, why wouldn't you be... you might remember we mentioned that the writer of this very comic, Len Kaminski actually wrote and paid for the above recording... with hopes that DC Comics would distribute it as a "Bootleg" cassette tape alongside the comic.

DC, for whatever reason (cost, probably... maybe the fast and loose use of f-bombs) passed on the idea.  I wonder if they regret that?

We're all about regret this fine day... and now, it's time to read Scare Tactics... and they're gonna "make you wish you were dead!"

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We open up... in traffic.  A fella named Arnold Burnsteel is weaving his van in and out, nearly wrecking at every turn.  Inside the van, we see that he's not alone.  His passengers' faces are cloaked in shadow... but we get the distinct impression that they're kiiiiinda weird.  It's not until they stop and unload that we see just what they're all about.

Nina, the Vampire-looking goth-gal pulls away from the group to explore her own "scene".  Burnsteel suggests they stick together, but she ain't havin' it.  I suppose we should reveal that she's not just "vampire-looking"... she's actually a vampire.

Nearby a roof-full of priests (sounds like the start of a joke) look on.  They're on the trail of "Skorzeny", who I'm going to assume is really Nina... as they were sure she would return.  Gotta wonder just how long these geeks have been hanging out on the roof "just in case".

Looks like Nina might've been the linchpin of our odd menagerie, because no sooner does she leave than two of the other members go their own ways as well.  Jimmy (the green zombie dude) walks away spouting off about his "daddy issues", Jake decides it's time for him to return to his "lone wolf" ways (you'll never guess what kinda monster he really is).  Phil remains at Arnold's side... which is kinda cool.  What's a whole lot less cool is the fact that he just ate a lady's dog.

We now follow Nina into the SlaughterHouse night club.  Worth noting, it's "Open Mike Night"... gonna assume they meant "Open Mic Night", but with a club like this... who knows?  Jimmy the Zombie attempts to follow her in, but is stopped at the door.  Doesn't he know that green skin is soooooo yesterday?

Next, we rejoin Jake... who realizes he's being tailed.  He follows his nose to find one of the baddie priests... and he scares him up real good.

Meanwhile, Arnold and Phil are camped out at a Big Belly Burger.  Burnsteel is waiting for an email from a fella named Jared... but it ain't coming.

Back at the SlaughterHouse, Nina is on the prowl.  She sidles up to a pretty young thing at the bar, and flashes her pearly whites.  Outside, Jimmy observes a gaggle of priests walking into the club (okay, now that definitely sounds like the start of a joke).

Over at Big Belly Burger, Jake rejoins Arnold and da big guy and informs them of their priestly problem.  They decide to head to the SlaughterHouse to make sure Nina's okay.  As they enter, an overweight Dee Snider-looking fella quits his band... leaving "Open Mike Night" one band short.

We rejoin Nina... who has just drained her latest victim.  The priests arrive just as she's finishing up.  She goes to attack, but is blasted by an ultra violet light.  Before they can... I dunno, drive a stake through her heart or whatever, Jimmy the Zombie leaps in and bites the priest on the shoulder.

Nina and Jimmy rush into the crowd and stumble upon the rest of the group.  The priests are closing in... and so, Arnold Burnsteel has an idea.  The weirdos hop on stage and introduce themselves...

... as Scare Tactics, and they're going to make us all wish we were dead.

They start playing a rockin' tune... instigating a mosh pit, where the priests all get beat up.

We wrap up with Arnold suggesting they take this show... on the road.

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Well, this was pretty fun.

Not sure I necessarily feel the need to follow this series, but as a one-off, I had a good time with this... and might just come back for more.  I definitely appreciate the "throw it at the wall and see if it sticks" post-boom era of DC Comics.

We actually talk a great deal about that very era in a semi-recent installment of the Cosmic Treadmill... the same one where we mention the "bootleg" cassette, asamattafact.




Trying something different isn't always a good thing... but it often makes for interesting discussion.  You gotta wonder what DC's plans for a book like Scare Tactics would be.

Now, the issue itself... does a fine job of introducing us to the characters and establishing a threat.  Since the bad guys are part of the "establishment", I suppose we're headed for a "monsters are people too" sort of scenario... which is fine.  The added element of the monsters being a traveling rock band... well, that's just fun.

The art here is good... but, uneven.  I get a real Chris Bachalo vibe here... except when Williams is drawing "freak out" panels (like the Nina one toward the top).  Those just look a bit "off".  I know I use "OEL manga" as a descriptor for any time art looks a bit "off", but... I feel like it kind of applies here as well.

Overall, being the curiosity that it is... I don't think I have any choice but to recommend at least taking a look at this one.  It's definitely a side of the DC Universe we don't get to visit nearly enough.  Unsurprisingly, this doesn't look to have been made available digitally... but it shouldn't be too terribly difficult to come across in the wild.  Hell, you might even find it for a dime!

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