WildStorm! #1 (1995)

WildStorm! #1 (August, 1995)
Story - Louise Simonson, Walter Simonson, Aron Wiesenfeld & Simon Furman
Art - Walter Simonson, Aron Wiesenfeld & Alan Im
Inks - Dan Panosian
Colors - Joe Chiodo, Wendy Fouts & WildStorm FX
Letters - John Workman, Mike Heisler, Richard Starkings & Comicraft
Editorial Coordinator - Amy Zimand
Assistant Editor - Mike Heisler
Editor - Jonathan Peterson

Just when I thought I was done with WildStorm stuff... I was digging through my longboxes and came across this mid-90's oddity.  I'd completely forgotten that such a thing even existed... and I'm almost 100% certain that I filed it away some years back without even cracking the cover.

Anyhoo... since I'm kind of on a WildStorm kick at the moment, figure now is as good a time as any to check this bugger out.

--

We open with our pals Grunge and Roxy as they wait at a San Diego airport for a "package".  A couple cross their path with a complaining child.  Grunge thinks the tot's the poster child for birth control, while he appears to make Roxy's biological clock tick a bit louder.  The family sits at the gate... and they all fall asleep.  It is at this point that a pair of baddies decide to snatch the kid.

Grunge and Roxy spring into action... and give chase.  The couple loads the child into a waiting helicopter.  Roxy launches herself up... which causes the male baddie to start firing his gun... directly into the propeller.  Roxy is able to rescue the kid just before the helicopter goes boom.

Back on the ground, our Gen-Active pals return their potentially Gen-Active bounty to his parents.  Turns out the baddies were kidnapping him for his potential powers... and did not harm the parents in hope that they'd continue to populate the world with "special" offspring.  Roxy tells dad to vamoose... the baddies think the boy is dead, and it's best to let them continue to think that way.

Our next story opens with a tattooed naked man walking through a museum.  With the eyes of the passers-by upon him, he wanders past an exhibit featuring a warrior's armor.  Next thing we know, he's in full warrior garb and he's taken possession of a police officer's horse.

He continues through the city... and here's where we meet Deathblow.  He's sitting in traffic in his slovenly kept car... suddenly his windshield gets demolished.

On the street, the naked warrior man continues his curious travels... an officer opens fire in his direction.  This proves to be a pretty big mistake, as without even breaking a sweat, our man trots by and chops off the officer's hand.  As his mad dash hits a full-on gallop, the horse is tripped up by a staff.

Why, it's animal-lover extraordinaire... Deathblow... and he's ticked off about his windshield.  Must not have full glass coverage... I keep tellin' him, it's only pennies on the dollar to add it.

Our (thankfully) final tale features WildC.A.T.S member, Spartan.  He's staking out a shipping facility in Virginia... and finds himself attacked by some armored goons.

They fight for a bit before exchanging stories with the only armored guy without a helmet... Santini.  It appears that this facility may house something called H-K Units... that's Hunter-Killers to normies like us.  This is really a tough one to follow... not "new" reader friendly in the slightest... you'd almost figure one of the purposes of an anthology book is to provide readers with an introduction to a wide array of characters.  That certainly is not the case here.

Anyhoo... Santini and the gang get into the facility and set explosive charges on a wall... when they go boom some members of the new generation of Hunter-Killers emerge... guns blasting.  Ooookay.

--

Well... this was... something.

Really can't say that I enjoyed any of this... I'm really not even sure what the purpose of an anthology like this would have been at the time.  I mean, we get a Gen¹³ story, a Deathblow story, and a WildC.A.T.S story... when all three had ongoing titles at this point.  Not really sure what necessitated this...

The Roxy and Grunge bit was kind of just there... not really bad, but nothing that couldn't have been included in the ongoing series.  I gotta say, I did a bit of a double take when I saw that Walt Simonson was on art... it doesn't look anything like his work... least not to me.

The Deathblow piece was enjoyable in that it was something of a novelty... a black and white story was not what I was expecting.  It looked pretty neat... really dug the art style, but I couldn't get into the story.  The Spartan story... was kind of difficult to follow and wasn't interesting enough for me to even try.

I'm wondering if this was published as some sort of copyright protection on the word "WildStorm"... that's the only real reason I can think of.  Anyhoo... overall, I was very disappointed by this and cannot recommend hunting it down.

--

Pin-Ups:

--

(Instead of the) Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads:

Gen¹³ (vol.2) #13C (1996)

Gen¹³ (vol.2) #13C (Early November, 1996)

Story - Brandon Choi, J. Scott Campbell & Jim Lee
Pencils - J. Scott Campbell
Inks - Alex Garner with Richard Friend, Tom McWeeny & Edwin Rosell
Ink Assist - Peter Guzman
Colors - Joe Chiodo with Martin Jimenez
Letters & Computer Colors - WildStorm FX
Assistant Editor - Gigi Barbes
Editor - Sarah Becker
Cover Price: $1.30

Well, we kinda have to do this one now, don't we?  Hey, is that Shi in the corner box?

One thing before we continue into the usually faffin' about... Looking at the indicia here... I'd forgotten that Image era speculation brought about having to put FIRST PRINTING right there just after the comics' title.  Oof... sadly, these days the second and third printings are far more valuable for reasons of availability.

--

We pick up shortly after we left off last issue with Grunge, Madman, and Tink traveling along the cleverly named Route 666.  They hear a bit of a ruckus, and the cameos already begin.  The trio come across Maxx and Jungle Princess (who I wanna say is Rainmaker)... just as they're about to be attacked by the Bad Girls Archie warned us about!  They are Lady Death Mortem, Angela from Spawn Guardians of the Galaxy... and I wanna say Zealot from WildC.A.T.S.  Grunge does not appear to be terribly bothered when Lady Death mounts him, even though she's planning on running him through with her blade!

Luckily before Lady Mortdeath can start slicing, Shi blocks her blade!  Well, how did Shi get here?  I'm glad you asked... it looks as though she was driven there by Katchoo and Francine from Strangers in Paradise!  The hell is going on here!?

Lady Death has some words with Shi, but decides that on this day perhaps discretion would be the better part of valor... and so, she and the Bad Girls flee.  We get a brief bit between Jungle Princess/Rainmaker and Tinker Fall, in which we get to see a bit of Roxy's homophobic nature and Rainmaker's lack of subtlety... I guess even in the land of S.A. she's uncomfortable around the ladies.  Anyhoo, Katchoo gives Grunge and Madman their Cadillac (which the Wizard lent to them) in order to head out to the frontier... where they run into Hellboy!  And, er, Monkeyman and O'Brien... who I don't know all that well.

Here we learn that the only solution to the problem of the Frenzy Beast lies with Grunge's Chromium Cover.  No sooner do we find this out than the Beast shows his ugly mug... in his right hand he holds... the Wizard... who, I really don't recognize... not sure if he's supposed to be someone important or not.  I'm guessing so, but I haven't the foggiest.  Anyhoo, the Frenzy Beast wants the Chromium Cover, and promises to fulfill Grunge's hearts desire should he hand it over.

Suddenly zombies start pulling themselves out of the ground (one of whom is wearing a Spider-Man t-shirt... I wonder if the artist got their fair cut of the merch sales!  The zombies quickly overtake the good guys, leaving it all in Grunge's hands.  Suddenly, when all hope appears to be gone, the Good Witch (who appears to be Fairchild in a Disney Princess get-up) arrives on the scene with some words of encouragement.

... and motivational speaker, Tony Robbins?  Are you friggin' kidding me???  This sounds like I'm making it up, I'm sure... but, for real... it's Tony freaking Robbins... and he's here to motivate Grunge.  Ay yai yai...

Starting to think this is MY fever dream!

Oooookay... tough talk from Tony inspires Grunge to get in there and TCB.  He recalls the trinket I neglected to mention that Jim Lee gave him last issue... it's a glowing "X" donchaknow... and from it springs... well, just look...

With BONE CLAWS!  Continuity lives in Grunge's fever dream!

Grunge approaches the Frenzy Beast... who now has his face!  He holds up the Chromium Cover and demands he free his friends... otherwise he'll destroy the comic book!  When the Beast calls his bluff, Grunge starts a'tearing!

Next thing we know, Grunge begins to wake up... in the real world.  He struggles to his feet, and suddenly the ginger nerd from a couple issues back runs in claiming that some creeper stole his Chromium Captain Pyro.  Grunge realizes that the creeper in question is the one he so willingly offered up his mortal soul to... and figures, ehhh... he doesn't really need the book after all.  He hands it over to the dweeb, which makes Roxy super proud.

We wrap up our issue... and this incredibly strange-slash-fun-slash-insane story with Grunge and Roxy finally locking lips.

--

...

What... the...?  Tony Robbins?  Gleaming teeth and all?  I didn't just dream this, did I?  I'm afraid to even post this one... lest folks in white coats carrying nets come knocking at my door.  I mean, I've read some weird comics before... but, I'm not even sure how to describe what we've just seen.

At least it was all a dream in the comic, right?  This is a pretty neat telling of a fever-dream for the comics' (and late-night infomercial?) obsessed Grunge... and I had a helluva good time reading it.  Definitely not something I wanna see happen more often, but every once in awhile?  Yeah, this was great fun.  A celebration of who was who in the comics world during those halcyon post-crash days of 1996.

Really not much more to say... the story was insane, but fun.  The cameos were incredible... and the art was really quite good.  Seeing J. Scott Campbell cover all of these characters over the past three issues has been an absolute treat.  I never would have guessed he was such a versatile artist.  I know he has a style... and it's one I think is phenomenal... but to see him cut loose on the Archie characters... Hellboy... even Katchoo from Strangers in Paradise... the man is one hell of a talent.  And, as with most of WildStorm's offerings... the coloring is fantastic!

Overall... ya know... when I started on our visit to the world of WildStorm, I wasn't planning on giving this a solid recommendation... more of a "you may dig this".  After reading all three, I gotta say... if you're a fan of 90's comics, this strange trilogy belongs in your comics library.  Worth a read and definitely worth owning, just for the novelty and trippiness of the thing.

I personally really enjoyed our little detour into the WildStorm universe... and think I can safely say we'll have more on the horizon.  DC's pulling the concept out of the mothballs in 2017... and hell, if it's good enough for them... it's good enough for me.

--

(Ya call that a) Letters Page:

--

Interesting(ly crazy) Ads:

Gen¹³ (vol.2) #13B (1996)

Gen¹³ (vol.2) #13B (October, 1996)

Story - Brandon Choi, J. Scott Campbell & Jim Lee
Pencils - J. Scott Campbell
Inks - Alex Garner
Ink Assist - Peter Guzman
Colors - Joe Chiodo with Martin Jimenez
Letters - Bill O'Neil & Chris Eliopoulos
Computer Colors - WildStorm FX
Assistant Editor - Gigi Barbes
Editor - Sarah Becker
Cover Price: $1.30

Had such a good time with Grunge and the gang yesterday... figure why not continue along as he trudges his way through S.A. Land (that's Sequential Art land to us mere mortals).

Is that Bone on the cover?

--

We open with Grunge on his merry way to the Valley of the Dolls when he stumbles across a pile of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles merchandise... and, well I'll be damned, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles themselves!  Grunge helps them get back on their feet, and they give him a sob story about their current status, and how they wish they could go back to being comic book heroes again.  They give Grunge the hot tip on the whereabouts of the Great Wizard, and send him through the Frenzy Beast's path of wreckage.

Grunge and Tink follow the path in to the Scary Forest where they come across Fone Bone being roasted on an open fire by one of the Stupid Stupid Rat Creatures.  Tinker Fall buzzes around the rat's face, and Grunge kayos him with a wicked left hand.  Here Grunge learns that his Gen-Factor Powers are not active in the Land of S.A.  Bone decides to accompany Grunge on his way to the Valley.

The pair (and Tink) wander past a fountain, and Grunge decides to eat some of the "tasty looking beans" that are floating in it... yeah, that sounds like something you definitely wanna do, Grunge.  Well, the grossness of eating found floating beans aside, these buggers are actually living breathing citizens of Beanworld!  Grunge spits'em out and 'pologizes.

Our traveling pals continue into Image Land... or maybe it's Image Town... the sign changes between panels.  This is where Bone splits off from the group.  We get a pretty neat bird's eye view of the town, and see that it is broken up into disparate little fiefdoms... one for each Image founder's imprint.  At a glance I see Top Cow, WildStorm, Erik Larsen's head, and whatever the hell Rob Liefeld was calling his imprint at the time... either Extreme or Awesome.  We get our first in-town cameos here as Savage Dragon tosses both Wonder Woman and the Hulk out of the Highbrow Club.

Grunge wanders past the Top Cow barn, and notes that it is deserted.  I think this was around the time of Shattered Image, where Silvestri was going to leave Image... but ultimately wound up staying... and by the time the Shattered Image (4 issue) miniseries wrapped up, they'd kicked out Liefeld.  Whatta mess.

Speaking of Liefeld... there's a notice of eviction on his fiefdom... and some very Liefeldian gritted-teeth characters are quite displeased with the proceedings.  In the background we see some of Rob's garbage... including an overpriced Badrock suit and a copy of... get this, Young Crud.  Poor Rob... this is some cold-blooded spoo.

Grunge continues on until he gets to Wildstorm Castle... inside the (miniature) DV8 heroes (remember them?) run up to Grunge and ask if he's their daddy.  They tell him that Dr. Frankenlynch is in charge, and is the only one that can help him find the Wizard.  Grunge heads up a long flight of stairs to meet up with the Doc and his henchman Leegor.

Upstairs, Grunge runs into Leegor... who isn't Stan Lee... but Jim Lee (complete with Fantastic Four ball cap...)!  Lee tells him he'll find the answers he seeks in the alley... Hmm, I wonder who he might meet back there...

Yup... Spawn.  Spawn tells Grunge that the Wizard has already left to do battle with the Frenzy Beast.

He sees something in Grunge, and feels that he may be the right man to help free the Land of S.A. from the Beast... but he cannot go alone.  Why, only a Madman would choose to go along with him... good thing we got one'a those!

--

The hell did I just read?

Don't get me wrong... I thought a lot of it was fun... but even I, who's been reading comics for upwards of three decades, have to say... this was perhaps a bit too "inside baseball".  I couldn't imagine a reader today picking this up and getting even half of the references in here.  You've almost gotta have a working knowledge of everything Image... and a stack of Wizard Magazines of the day next to you to have even half a hope of grasping this.  Very navel-gazy.

Speaking of Wizard... they keep mentioning a Great Wizard... ya don't think... nah, they wouldn't.  Would they?  That may be the only way they could "date" this any further... man, I hope that's not the direction this is headed.  We've already gotten a Jim Lee cameo, I sure don't wanna see Gareb Shamus's mug!

I will admit I did chuckle at the Liefeld slights... but I'm kind of ashamed that I did.  Seems like such a "kick a dude while he's down" kinda thing to do... especially if he and Jim Lee were working together on the Marvel Heroes Reborn event together.

The comics cameos were pretty great here... really quite surprising that they were allowed to cram all that graham in here.  Makes me miss the days that comics were less "corporate".  This kind of thing wouldn't/couldn't happen these days lest we taint Disney or Warner's pending movie IP's.
Overall a completely insane issue that was a ton of fun to read.  I know I said that the previous issue may not appeal to everyone... I think this one might just for the sheer novelty of seeing all of these characters together.  If you're not a 90's comics kid, don't expect to get all the in jokes... hell, even if you are of that era you probably won't!  This one shouldn't be too terribly difficult to track down at a decent price.  If you come across this (or any of the #13's) give'em a look through.  We'll wrap up the "13 Trilogy" tomorrow... I gave it the ol' flip through... we're in for some ridiculously crazy stuff!
--

(Ya call that a) Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads:

Gen¹³ (vol.2) #13A (1996)

Gen¹³ (vol.2) #13A (August, 1996)

Story - Brandon Choi, J. Scott Campbell & Jim Lee
Pencils - J. Scott Campbell
Inks - Alex Garner
Ink Assist - Peter Guzman
Colors - Joe Chiodo with Martin Jimenez
Letters - Bill O'Neil
Computer Colors - WildStorm FX
Assistant Editor - Gigi Barbes
Editor - Sarah Becker
Cover Price: $1.30

With the (somewhat) recent revelation that Warren Ellis is going to be reimagining the WildStorm properties for DC in the near future, I decided it may be a good time to take a look at some of the old WildStorm properties.  I've somehow found myself in possession of more of these things than I ever remember buying!

Not sure this will be a regular feature here, but I think it will be a fun "change in scenery"... for readers and myself.  Anyhoo... today we've got an odd gimmicky issue of Gen¹³ ... one which is broken up into three parts!  Seems like a pretty interesting one to check out... at least the first part.  Is that Jughead in the corner box?  What in the hell have we gotten ourselves into?!?

EDIT: To include Cosmic Treadmill Episode where we discussed this story

--

We open with the Gen¹³ kids as they are dropped off at the Horton Plaza Mall in downtown San Diego.  They are all complaining that their "allowances" for this excursion are so small.  We get Roxy checking out a swimsuit and Rainmaker checking out Roxy... because, she's a lesbian and this is a comic from the 1990's... subtlety wasn't really a thing at this point.  Fairchild is looking at a book... Burnout is looking at a Fender Strat (signed by Dave Navarro!  What decade is this again?)

Grunge ain't into all that garbage... he beelines it to the comic book store... which is packed like they were giving out black-bagged versions of Superman #75.  What they are actually giving out is a... ahem... limited edition Captain Pyro chromium cover.  There's only one in the shop... nay, the city... perhaps the planet (!) and our man wants it.  To get it, however... he's gonna have to win a raffle.

The girls are confused by Grunge's fixation with the funnybook... but Anna (the robotic housekeeper) drops some knowledge... these comic books are a great investment!  The one in question is now worth (approximately) $79.95... and appreciating at 10%/month.  Ooh baby!  I think they're in the wrong half of the 1990's to play this completely straight... but I'll allow it.

Anyhoo, Rainmaker and Burnout mock Grunge for being a manchild, and Roxy comes to his aid.  Grunge, being a manchild, thinks Roxy is mocking him as well, and he stomps off to buy his Captain Pyro raffle ticket.  The next page shows that he loses out to a stereotypical nerd.  Fairchild tells Grunge he should maybe try getting into comics from the Indie scene... but Grunge is all "no capes, no buys".

Later on, the gang grabs a bite at The Max Oh Boy Burger.  Grunge is complaining about losing out to "some geek fan-boy"... hey big guy, quit projecting... he's so distraught, he can hardly eat... but he eats anyway.  It is soon made disturbingly clear that the burger did not agree with his belly... and classy guy that he is, he excuses himself to the restroom...

... where he meets a creepy dude.  Not just any old creepy dude, however... a creepy dude with a chromium copy of Captain Pyro!  He offers it to Grunge for the low low price of... his mortal soul.  Grunge, being an idiot, quickly takes him up on his offer.  When he returns to his friends... he collapses to the floor.

He is awakened by a tiny pixie, a mix of Tinkerbell and Roxy who calls herself Tinker Fall (get it?  Roxy's code name is Freefall, wonk wonk).  She tells him he is in the Land of Sequential Art and she was sent by the Good Witch to meet with the Great Wizard.  To find the Great Wizard he's going to need to speak with a certain bunch of kids at Riverdale High School.  Whaaaaa?

After a brief and awkward introduction, Archie and the gang bring Grunge/Ronnie over to Pops for a bite to eat.  Here we learn that even his appetite is no match for Jughead's.  He spies the jukebox and asks Betty and Veronica to put on some "B***H*** Surfers"... which dates this book something horrendous, don't it?  For those who don't remember, The Butthole Surfers were a nominally popular band back then, and (if I'm remembering correctly) there was a bit of an uproar from "concerned citizens" that their album, Electriclarryland was stocked at K-Mart.  This made it so they had to make special cover art with the asterisks in the band name.  I'll try and track down pics to include below.  Anyhoo... the gals head off... and we're given a peek at them in Grunge vision... which is how they'd look if J. Scott Campbell drew them in his normal style.  We also get a glimpse of the fellas.

We wrap up with Grunge trying to hit on Betty and Veronica... he gets slaps to both cheeks.  Then our old pal Reggie tells him how to go about finding the Great Wizard (that's not a Klan thing, right?).  He says to head to the Valley of the Dolls.  This makes Archie a bit nervous... because ya see, the Valley of the Dolls is home to "The Bad Girls"... uh-oh.

--

Okay... this was fun and dumb at the same time.  For whatever reason... okay, a pretty obvious reason... this isn't really a book I want to have the wife look over my shoulder while I'm reading.  I can't even fake it and say that there's some really deep or meaningful story inside.  It's just dumb fun... and takes me back to a dumb and fun time in my life.  That having been said, my account of this issue may be a bit biased.

Let's address the elephant in the room first... the art.  It's great.  I know it's cheesecake... I know, I know... but it's still really nice.  I think Campbell is talented enough an artist that he can do cheesecake and not have it seem (totally) gratuitous.  He also draws great fellas... and somehow, even great Archie-style characters... go figure!  I gotta also mention... the coloring.  It is ridiculously pretty.  Even if DC bought WildStorm solely for their coloring (which I'm not saying they did)... I think they made a good purchase!

The story... like I said... is dumb.  This being something of a gimmick issue, I think I can forgive the silliness.  This is what it is... and doesn't dare pretend to be anything more.  It's unrepentant for it's late 90's-ness... and I find it quite endearing.  I'm sure this is probably a bit of rose-colored goggles on my part... but whattaya gonna do, right?  It was fun hanging out with the gang again... especially after we got that tease in issue #33 of New-52 Supergirl.

This book isn't for everybody, that much is clear.  If you're currently in your thirties... I think you'll dig this.  Above or below your thirties?  You still may like it... but nostalgia probably won't come into play for you.  Sadly, to my knowledge, this isn't available digitally... but, with WildStorm becoming a "thing" again... ya never know.  It may not be long before we get the entire run up there.  Can't say this is one you need to track down... but seeing one of the most "nineties" characters put to paper have lunch with the Riverdale gang is quite the novelty.

Here are the different versions of the 'Surfers album:

 

Had quite a bit of fun with this one... may have to consider venturing deeper into DC's pantheon of imprints in the future.

--

(Ya call that a) Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads: