Flash (vol.2) #87 (February, 1994)
"Christmas Rush"
Story - Mark Waid
Pencils - Mike Wieringo
Inks - Jose Marzan, Jr.
Colorist - Gina Going
Letterer - gaspar
Asst. Editor - Ruben Diaz
Editor - Brian Augustyn
Cover Price: $1.50
Okay, this one's gonna be a toughie... not because it's a bad issue, quite the opposite, in fact. This is just one of the many books that fills me with a feeling that I can only describe as homesickness. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you, the Waid/Ringo run on Flash is one of those almost magical eras in comics. They made me believe that a man could run... and be interesting doing so! It was a tandem that will not (and sadly, cannot) be replicated.
Let's dive in on the spoilery synopsis!
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We open with the Flash taking care of business as some gun-toting luchadores are stealing some cash from the Keystone Charity Drive. Wally's lamenting the fact that he cannot be with his loved ones at the moment... and we flashback to earlier that day. Wally is being a petulant brat about the insane December heat in Keystone, the likes of which have not been outdone since my last December in Phoenix. Linda is trying her best to put up with her humbuggin' beau. Wally loads some freshly-wrapped gifts in Linda's trunk, and hears of the goings down at the mall from the car radio... he's off!
Back at the mall, Wally is handedly neutralizing the "threat". He grabs the sack-o-cash from one baddie, causing the money to rain down on the mall patrons, who do what any red-blooded Christmas shopper would do... start stuffing as much of the dosh into their shirts as possible! Flash manages to snag back every last dollar, and, in one of my favorite panels ever, tells the crowd just what he thinks of them!
Wally returns home to find Linda unpacking their Christmas decorations. As Wally's secret-identity is public knowledge, he receives a lot of gifts from civilians during this time of year... including one bug-eyed angel ornament.
Linda reminds Wally that they're having a Christmas party that evening and proceeds to give him a bit of static over his constantly being needed elsewhere. Our man throws one hell of a missing-the-point-decorating-tantrum... using his super-speed to deck the tree out in mere moments. Linda ain't nearly as impressed as Wally thought she'd be, and she stomps out.
We shift scenes to Taylor's Toys, where consumerism... er, the holiday spirit has overtaken a mob of Keystonians. An incredibly awkward "gang" enters the scene to... steal toys? One is wearing perhaps my second favorite tank-top belly-shirts. This one doesn't say "SPIT"... it says "Bite it!". Awesome!
Anyhoo, the Flash is quickly on the scene, and ties these geeks up in a swing set. While the goobers are hanging upside-down, a bag of cocaine falls out of one of their pockets. Wally's already ticked, this is not helping his mood. He interrogates one of the goofs, and is told that "Santa Claus" gave them the coke.
We move to later that night. It's Christmas party time, and wouldn'tcha know it... there's no sign of Wally. We do get Chester Runk, the Dibneys, the Pied Piper, and (maybe) Starfire (?) though. The Parks are excited to see their daughter's "young man", and Linda gives kind of a "He's the Flash, whaddayagonnado?" reply.
At that moment, the Flash is at the docks watching a trio of St. Nick's on a boat with a whole lotta coke. They were able to smuggle much of it in plain sight, thanks to their gift sacks. Well, Wally's had all that he can stands, and he can't stands no more. He makes his presence known, and runs (on the water) straight for the boat. As he draws closer, the Santa trio bails. Wally runs headlong into the boat, causing it to explode! In a touch of irony (is this irony?) the explosion causes a gentle snowstorm... of cocaine.
Wally returns home to find he missed the party entirely. He is greeted by Piper, and proceeds to use him as a sounding board for his latest tantrum. In another great panel, we watch as Wally finds out all that's left in his stocking is a lump of coal!
We come to find out that Wally is being watched... via the gaudy angel ornament he was gifted earlier. He is being observed on a large monitor by a man drenched in shadow. We come to find that several of the ne'er-do-wells that Wally faced during this issue had only one goal... distract the Flash. The shadowy man then proceeds to turn his goons into nutcracker puppets.
We wrap down as Wally and Piper get a knock on their door. The person on the other side has something for Wallace. Could it be that Christmas finally arrived for young Mr. West? Nah, it's a subpoena... Wally's being sued for negligence!
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A lotta fun, this one! We get a really nice mix of Wally-as-Flash and Wally-as-Wally here... these are the types of stories that I hold most dear. We get to see Wally trying to maintain that balance... struggling to keep everyone in his life happy. This isn't the Wally of old, either... not the selfish, kinda egotistical Wally... this is one that has matured. Perhaps not completely, but he's well on his way.
I always dug Linda as both Wally's confidant and almost "straight man". Wally's tantrums in regard to the heat and the hustle and bustle ring quite true to me... as I often find myself sounding the same complaints. We've actually had near triple-digit heat on Christmas where I'm currently living, and man oh man does it suck! It's a rare December day where I don't have the air conditioner running at least a couple of hours out of the day. I know it must sound like I talk a lot about how hot it is... but, it's really all we've got out my way!
Wally's near-misses with Linda's folks is fun as well. I really need to reacquaint myself with this era... if not for the pangs of homesickness it brings... one'a these days, I will. I cannot quite recall if this was a running gag at the time.
Overall, a great issue... of a great book... during a great time. Mark Waid is, ya know, pretty good at this comic book thing. You don't need me to tell you that... and Mike Wieringo... damn, he's good... and this is, in my opinion, before he would peak! I'd wholeheartedly recommend any Waid/Ringo book... definitely keep an eye out!
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Elvira's House of Mystery Special #1 (1987)
"Elvira's Christmas Carol"
"Oh, What Fun to Laugh and Sing a Slaying Song Tonight!"
"O, Christmas Tree..."
"Twas the Night before X-Mas..."
Writers - Joey Cavalieri, Michael Fleisher, Barbara Randall
Artists - Frank Springer, Jack Sparling, Stephen DeStefano
Inker - Craig Boldman
Letterers - Albert De Guzman, Agustin Mas, Bob Lappan
Colorists - Shelley Eiber, Helen Vesik
Editor - Ed Hannigan
Cover Price: $1.25
As I sit here typing the house smells especially Christmasy. Not only am I burning that Balsam candle, I've also got a hyooge pot of meatballs cooking. I always associate Italian food with the holidays... there's a bit of a tradition in my home. Every Christmas Eve I throw a pretty big dinner party-type'a-thing. The Italian tradition is called the "Night of the Seven Fishes".
Well, being as though I'm not too big a fan of seafood... and I'm not even Italian (regardless of what Arizona-folk seem to think about anyone who speaks with a New York accent), several years back I'd taken it upon myself to start the "Night of the Seven Dishes"... in which I prepare seven main (Italian) courses, and invite both sides of the family and friends over to partake. I'm sure as anyone who enjoys cooking knows... the holidays may as well be our Superbowl! For the Christmas Eve feast there's an incredible mix of anticipation, stress, and excitement that cannot be replicated by any other meal for me... not even by Thanksgiving!
So, in keeping with our Christmas on Infinite Earths... in July motif... this morning I dragged myself out of bed even earlier than usual... and got to turning three pounds of chop meat into several dozen meatballs... and turning a bunch of tomatoes into sauce. When I commit to a theme... I don't mess around.
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Our first tale stars the titular Mistress of the Dark. Elvira is beat, and just looking for a good nights sleep. As she turns on the radio to lull her into dreamland, she is enraged to find that all of the stations are playing cheerful Christmas music.
She vows if she hears just one more Christmas carol, she'll scream... well, cue our old friends Cain and Abel as they've come a'wassailling and hoping to spread holiday cheer. Elvira gives 'em the what for and tells them to hit the bricks.
Our lady lead collapses on her bed in the midst of a bah-humbug tantrum, only to find herself summoned by an odd apparition claiming to be... now say it with me, the Ghost of Christmas Past. In order to find out why Elvira hates Christmas so much the Ghost takes her back to her own childhood... and to her one-room schoolhouse alma mater.
We watch as li'l Elvira gets scolded for using all the green construction paper to make... strand of holly? What's so bad about that? Looking a bit closer, maybe it's paper bats? Ehh, who knows?
Anyhoo, Elvirita gets booted from the school, and so decides to... burn the building to the ground. Elvira don't mess around.
The Ghost of Christmas Past dumps the Mistress back in her bed, and vanishes... moments later, we got another visitor... the Ghost of Christmas Present. In order to make Elvira "come correct" about her disdain for the Holiday, he takes her to Manhattan... where she sees an absolute mob of consumerism Hell. The Ghost concedes that, yeah... the consumer elements of Christmas kinda sucks.
Later, Elvira gets her final visit... the Ghost of Christmas Future. He stands before her silently, before transporting her into a post-apocalyptic potential future. It is here that Elvira decides... ya know what, there's worse things out there than Christmas.
A short time later, she wakes up in her bed with a new appreciation for Christmas. She rushes to the window, and throws it open. She shouts to a young boy... and offers him a few bucks to go fetch the giant bloodsucking bat that lives on the outskirts of town... and deliver it to Cain and Abel. The spirit of the season truly lives on in Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.
The next story opens with a crum-bum purse snatcher flees from a police officer. There's a brief firefight, which the baddie gets the better of. He continues down an alley and runs into a wasted Salvation Army Santa. He pistol whips jolly ol' Saint Drunk... and steals his outfit to help elude the police.
In his new gear, our man cockily walks past the pursuing officers, and climbs up a nearby fire escape... and into an open apartment window. Here he meets a young blind girl... who believes him to be the actual real-deal Santa Claus. She asks if he'd gotten her letter... and if he's there to give her her sight back.
The scumbag plays along with the poor tot, and loots her house of all its shiny trinkets. He fashions a sack out of a blanket, and tells the young girl his sight-restoring magicstuffs were on the roof in his sleigh, and makes a run up the fire escape.
At that very moment, the real Santa Claus lands in the fireplace. He tells the young girl that he's there to restore her sight... and he does! They embrace, and he climbs back up the chimney.
He hops back in his sleigh, and makes a passing mention at his own sight failing him of late. As they take off, we see that when he landed on the roof... he also landed... on the thief!
Our third tale features a yuppie couple who cannot find a satisfactory Christmas tree. The fake ones are "too fake"... the real ones are "too dead"... the only solution for them is driving onto a wilderness preserve and chopping down a tree of their own.
They find the perfect tree, and after a few swipes of the chainsaw... take home their bounty.
We jump to Christmas Eve, where the yuppies are entertaining their yuppie friends. They share some shallow conversation, and act as though they really couldn't care less about one another... this whole party is just for show.
Following their party, the yuppies retire to their bedroom. That night, their perfect Christmas tree comes to life... and absolutely fills the house... likely resulting in two dead yuppies.
The next morning, we find that the tree has leveled the home and now stands some six-stories tall. It gets chopped down, and delivered to the White House where several carolers (including Fred Flintstone) stand around it belting out some Christmas classics.
Our (whew) final story, is something of a poem. The long and short of it is... this is a Cold War era book... One of the World Superpowers mistook Santa Claus and his reindeer for a nuke... and thus, World War III happened... followed by a planetary autopsy from visiting aliens. There are no credits on this story, but it feels a touch Giffen-y... can't say for sure though.
We end our visit in the House of Mystery with our Hostess with the Most-est offering us roasted chestnuts...
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Well... kind of a mixed bag, eh? Horror is a genre that's difficult to "get right", if you ask me. Most often, I feel as though horror creators fall into the Twilight Zone model where the story ultimately winds up being a twisted morality play. Like, how many episodes of the Twilight Zone ended with "man" being the truest evil of all? I mean, there's only so many times you can see an evil "alien" ship... only to find it's tagged with an American flag.
All three stories (barring the opening A Christmas Carol riff) were of that variety. I am something of a horror-comics neophyte, so I cannot say with any measure of certainty or credibility that this is the standard for books of this genre... though, I hope it's not. This being a Christmas special, I can forgive the creators leaning on the narrative tool depicting the difference between right and wrong.
Overall, I think I enjoyed it... warts and all. The Elvira bits were the most fun, just for that wonderful 1980's tone they brought with them. This run on House of Mystery only lasted about a dozen issues (this Special included), and is most notable for having an issue ship without the Comics Code Authority seal of approval... due to "implied nudity". Really now?
I wonder if this volume makes Elvira an official character in the DC Universe? We see her briefly interact with previous "hosts" of DC's horror books Cain and Abel... and as far as I know, they're canon.
This one's worth seeking out for novelty value alone... you probably won't get a whole lot out of the stories. If you're down for even more Elvira fun, you can check out a Rad Ads piece I did with Reggie a few months back. We discussed a mail-away advert for an Elvira t-shirt... one with which you can "turn on" your friends... or yourself! Yikes.
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Superman (vol.2) #165 (February, 2001)
"Help!"
Writer - Jeph Loeb
Pencillers - Ed McGuinness, Humberto Ramos, Rob Liefeld, Mike Wieringo, Art Adams, Ian Churchill, & Joe Madureira
Inkers - Cam Smith, Wayne Faucher, Norm Rapmund, & Tim Townsend
Letterer - Richard Starkings
Colorists - Tanya & Richard Horie
Editors - Tom Palmer, Jr. & Eddie Berganza
Cover Price: $2.25
This is one of those issues that I would have bought even if I didn't care a whit about Superman... I mean, that cover is just too much! My tree needs those ornaments on it this Christmas!
I hope folks are enjoying this Christmas on Infinite Earths... in July week. I've humbled by and grateful for the positive feedback I've received thus far! I'm having a great time sharing these books... I even broke into the wife's candle stash and lit one of the three-wick Fresh Balsam ones to really get into the holiday spirit! Take that, 110 degree Arizona Sun!
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We open with the Linear Men as they find that Pluto (the planet... yeah, I still call it that!) has been transformed into Warworld. I'd almost forgotten that DC did away with Pluto around the turn of the century. I remember that getting a bit of play in Wizard Magazine. One of the rare times they said anything positive about DC...
We shift scenes to the JLA Watchtower. Superman, Martian Manhunter, and Plastic Man are engaging in some relaxation exercises. We learn that Superman is still fretting over the new President-Elect, Lex Luthor.
He and J'onn discuss how they have the unique distinction of being aliens... and the levels at which they choose to assimilate into Earth/American culture. J'onn continues, by stating that as soon as Luthor breaks his first law, Superman can count on him to help take him down.
Plastic Man tries to interject a touch of levity by telling a very "Plas" joke... which garners a smirk. Superman gives his pals their Christmas gifts, and takes his leave. Plastic Man gets rubber bands, while J'onn gets himself a box of Chocos. Boy, Supes... hope ya didn't break the bank here!
Next stop, the North Atlantic... where Superman meets up with an incredibly angry looking Aquaman. This is the Rob Liefeld section, so I'm not sure if Arthur's meant to be angry or not. Superman solicits Aquaman's opinion on the Luthor situation, to which, Arthur offers that Lex Luthor is the first Head of State to publicly declare their support for Atlantis.
Superman suggests it was just an empty promise from a politician looking for favors. Arthur grimaces (again, Liefeld...) and replies that it better not have been. Superman heads out, but not before giving Aquaman his Christmas gift... a Metropolis snowglobe. Yeesh... Arthur looks about as impressed as you'd imagine.
Later, in space... Superman meets up with Green Lantern, Kyle Rayner. They are cleaning up space-waste, and engaging in political discussion. Clark asks if Kyle votes, to which he replies that he does. When asked why, the only reason Kyle can muster is the word "hope". He doesn't say who he voted for, but I'd figure it wasn't Luthor. Superman gives Kyle his Christmas gift... a small tub of jewelry polish. Laaaaame....
Next up, Wally. Superman and the Flash are going on a casual run, from Keystone City to San Francisco... for chocolate (Ghirardelli, perhaps?) . They too discuss the results of the recent election, and whether or not Wally votes. "Early and Often" is Wally's reply. As they continue along, Wally tells Clark that if he wants to drag Luthor out of the Oval Office, just say the word. Clark thanks him, but says they're going to wait it out. Wally's gift is... tube socks. Wonk wonnnnk...
Later in Antarctica, Superman and Wonder Woman are wrestling. The first thing I notice here is Wonder Woman's hair... yeesh, imagine trying to drag a comb through that! Painful. Anyhoo, Superman's mind is elsewhere, resulting in Diana pinning him twice in a row. Yeah, they're really wrestling here.
Clark and Diana wrap up their match, and discuss the events of the year prior. Diana suggests that Clark should take some time away... time to just be with Lois. Before leaving, Clark hands over her Christmas gift... a mjolnir. A trinket to remember the 1,000 years they'd spent together earlier that year.
Last stop, Gotham City. Batman and Superman are together on a rooftop... in complete silence. Finally, Batman speaks... repeats something Clark had told him about putting trust in the American people to ultimately do the right thing. Superman gives Batman his Christmas gift... a magnifying glass... and claims that it's from Lois.
Batman thanks "Lois" for the gift... and before he leaves, turns to Clark are reassures him that they'll take Luthor down... when the time is right.
We close out the issue with Superman and Lois on a getaway... to the Bottle City of Kandor.
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Boy, Superman is a cheapskate. Talk about some crummy gifts! All kidding aside, this issue holds a very special place for me as it's among the books that got me reacquainted with the DC Universe after some time away. I'm not sure I mentioned it here, but there was a time during the late-90's that I kind of fell out of full-time comic collecting. I never quit cold-turkey or anything, but dropped plenty of books that I could either no longer afford, or those that weren't holding my interest. Many of my DC books fell into the former. Superman was going strong, however, with the never-ending battle "triangle numbering" format, it was quite difficult for me to keep up financially. It just got so overwhelming to try and stay on top of things... and I have kind of an "all or nothing" mentality... where it's easier for me just to drop everything rather than picking and choosing what I'll still pick up.
The turn of the century got me dipping my toe back into the DC Universe... and I quite liked what I was reading. The Bat-books were going great guns with No Man's Land, JLA was the book... and I found myself wrapped up in Superman once again. This particular issue afforded me/us the opportunity to just "hang out" with these larger than life characters. There's no urgent threats, no fighting or squabbling... it's just people, acting like people. I love it!
I usually don't cotton to "jam" books... that is to say, I generally like it better when there's only one artist in a given book. Here, however, I appreciate the various takes. It gives the book a feeling of grandeur (rather than "dreaded deadline doom")... it almost feels as though the disparate segments were plucked from different books. I think this works really well given the narrative and occasion... and what a mix of artists they've got. Joe Mad, Mike Wieringo, Art-frickin-Adams... great stuff! Even Liefeld and Churchill (who seems like he's cribbing a lot of Liefeld here) help set the tone for their particular segments.
The story is also great. This is only a minor detour from the overarching narrative woven throughout the Superman titles of the vintage... but it's Christmas... life kinda stops for a lot of folks around that time of year... I know it does for me. The Luthor as President storyline is still addressed and discussed by all members of the Justice League. We get some great insight here from each member, and find out their opinions on the situation. You get the impression that Superman's not entirely sure what he wants them to say... as he gets a wide array of replies. Wally's gung-ho about dragging Lex out, while J'onn is waiting for Luthor to slip up. Aquaman is playing his cards close to the vest, as he has a special interest in some of Luthor's campaign promises. This is all very compelling, Superman serves as a sounding board here... and, I'm guessing now he's even more confused and conflicted than he was prior!
All told, I really enjoyed this issue. From the excellent cover, to everything between... this was a lot of fun. Definitely keep an eye out for it, if you are so inclined.
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