Adventures of Ford Fairlane #1 (1990)

Adventures of Ford Fairlane #1 (May, 1990)
"Stayin' Alive!"
Script - Gerard Jones
Stylization - Russell Braun
Pencils - Jose Delbo
Inks - Don Heck
Lettering - Jon D'Agostino
Colors - Tom Ziuko
Executive Editor - Joe Orlando
Cover Price: $1.50

This post will feature a fair amount of late 80's raunch.  Proceed with caution.

Being a late-80's/early-90's kid growing up in New York City, there were a few forms of potentially trouble-worthy entertainment we held dear.  The things that, if our mothers knew we were partaking would likely get us at least a firm talking to.  Among them were Howard Stern, The Jerky Boys, and the subject of today's discussion... Andrew Dice Clay.

Back then, I'm sure my pals and I had no interest in his overall act... we likely didn't have the patience or attention span.  What we wanted were... the nursery rhymes.  Maybe it was the juxtaposition, maybe it was the irony... or maybe we just enjoyed hearing a grown man curse... yeah, it's probably the last one.

Dice became something of a legend, at least in our world.  I remember getting precious few opportunities to listen to his stuff back in elementary school.  It's funny, it was always a multi-man job.  One kid would "borrow" the cassette tape likely from an older brother... another would borrow a small cassette deck, and hopefully somebody would remember to bring headphones... During recess we would gather around and hopefully get a minute or two of listening in before a grown up caught on.

You always knew that one kid... that schmuck who said he had an even raunchier version of the tape at his house... but he couldn't bring it to school because his father paid like a grand for it.  He just wanted people to hang out with him, so screw 'im.

Dice is one of my most often (poorly) done impressions, which usually triggers looks of bemusement to those within earshot.  As a matter of fact, I may have already mentioned that my wife is a first-grade teacher.  Anytime the subject of nursery rhymes (or any rhymes, honestly) comes up, I immediately pop the collar on my shirt and let out a "hickory... dickory... dock"  Much to her embarrassment and confusion.

Oddly enough, I have never seen the film this comic was based on.  Let's see if this issue inspires me to do so.

--

We open with Ford overlooking the Hollywood streets from above.  He is in his office, the door reads FORD FAIRLANE INVESTIGATIONS.  He begins to think back on the long strange road that led him here.

He thinks back to Brooklyn during the 1970's, he and his buddy Johnny Teitelbaum are hard-rocking musicians about to head to a gig.  When they arrive, they are both shocked to find that the dreaded disco had taken over.  There's no more music... just synthesized sounds.  Ford makes some comments that the club owners don't appreciate, and a brawl breaks out.

Hickory, dickory, dock...

Someone tells them to cut it out... because this is a family place.  Only by family... they mean, well... Family.  Ford and Johnny bolt, being narrowly missed by gunfire.  The two huddle in a nearby alley and decide they can no longer stay in Brooklyn.  They figure Los Angeles may be their best bet, they'd always wanted to go there... and they may be able to get in with the record companies.

Out in L.A., Ford and Johnny ply their trade for several record companies with no success.  They continue to play at a seedy club to makes ends meet, when the owner decides that their kind of rock done ro-o-o-olled away, and sent them after it.  It's here that the boys split up... Johnny decides to enroll in broadcasting school, while Dice is having far more difficulty giving up on the dream.

Dice takes a job at a record company as a janitor.  One day the agency needs a driver to pick up a VIP client, and Ford gets drafted.  He picks up famous rock vocalist-turned-disco sellout, Bob Balloo and his squeeze/disco queen Brik Scheisshus (get it?) from the airport.

Funny is funny... and that's so funny.

As he drives them to their Beverly Hills home Dice changes the radio station from Disco garbage to hard-rock, much to Balloo's annoyance.  Dice prods him for abandoning rock music, and proceeds to push both of his clients' buttons.  Brik ain't pleased (and is annoyed at the lack of liquid protein in the limo), but Bob laughs it off... and throws a wad of cash in Dice's direction.  He tells him he's got a job for him, and hopes his monetary gift will help put things into perspective.

During the drop off, Balloo tells Dice to get him a pound of Calcium Hypochlorite, which he claims is the only bleaching powder that works properly on his hair.  Brik stays in the limo, and demands to be taken to the recording studio.  Upon arrival finally gets her coveted liquid protein, and makes demands for someone to fetch her "voice".

Dice wanders through the agency before meeting up with Chantal Del Canto.  She's a heavyset woman with an angelic voice.  She sings all of Brik's songs, while she lip syncs.  Dice escorts her to the studio and proceeds to argue with Brik over the way she treats Chantal.  The diva throws Dice out, dressing him down for being a toady for her man.

Ford delivers the "fairy-dust" to Balloo before telling him to eff-off.

Now, jobless and without any prospects Ford has no choice but to turn to his old friend... current college radio DJ Johnny Tee!  Johnny offers Ford a gig working publicity for a "hot new group".  This hot talent turns out to be Disco Express, complete with leader of the pack, Captain Cool!

Are we sure Captain Cool isn't Gilbert Gottfried?

The good Captain tells Dice in order to be noticed they need to get into the hottest club in town.  Dice refuses to help, finding the entire endeavor futile.  Captain Cool won't take no for an answer, and tries to get in on his own... an attempt which is wildly unsuccessful.

I don't want to see the Bouncer's watch...

Screaming is heard from inside the club.  There's been a murder.  Our old friend, Brik Scheisshus's liquid protein has been poisoned!  Captain Cool flees the scene immediately.  The most likely suspect is the also present, Chantal Del Canto.  The authorities know of her contentious relationship with the deceased, and they found chemicals in her bag.

Ford thinks he smells a rat.  He follows the officers into the club, and predicts that she was poisoned by the same "fairy-dust" he'd purchased earlier on.  The police begin to arrest him for the murder when he tells them he can take them to the real killer.

At the Balloo home there is a wild and decadent party ensuing.  Dice and Company bust in and go straight for the man.  A fight breaks out, which ends with Balloo taking a swim with a set of speakers.  Somehow this convinces the officers that Dice is not only a good guy, but would make a great detective.

Stands to reason...

We flash forward a bit to Dice who is in bed with three women.  His phone rings... it's Captain Cool!  He explains that he ran off earlier because he's currently enrolled in the Police Academy, and he could not afford to be seen around any scandal.  The Captain convinces Dice that he should ditch the rock 'n roll and embrace his budding detective-side... and away we go.  Meet Ford Fairlane, Rock and Roll Detective!

The issue closed with a four-page text piece.

--

This was a lot of fun.

Stupid?  Maybe.  A product of its time?  Certainly.  Worth reading more than once?  Nah... but, FUN.

Different than most comics I've read.  It's based on a movie, yes... but it serves as its prequel.  I would have to assume that Gerard Jones may have had a fair amount more freedom not having to do a straight adaptation.  As this is a comic from a quarter-century ago, it had to be neutered... somewhat.  There was a bit of raunch and a bit of edge... I think they pushed the envelope a sufficient amount, that is to say... when it mattered, they got the point across.

... OH!

Hmm...
Not only a poet, but a prophet.

The art was good, though I wish Ford looked more like Dice.  He just looks like a generic greaser, I think I'd have enjoyed it more if he had a more Dice-ish look, at least it would help me exclaim "... OH!" after all of his lines.  Johnny didn't resemble Gilbert Gottfried, but I really don't have any complaints there.  Captain Cool does bear a somewhat striking resemblance to Gil, however.

The cover is very nice, and as it's been pointed out to me, kind of resembles something out of DC Comics Piranha Press Imprint.  I believe the same artist did the cover and interior... It would have been nice to have more of this type of art on the inside.

Recommended?  Yeah.  Check it out if you can find it.  It's an oddity, and (at least in my neck of the woods) a rarity.  It's stupid silly fun, and not a bad 10-15 minute investment.

--

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Lab Rats #1 (2002)

Lab Rats #1 (June, 2002)
"Game Space"
Creator/Writer/Artist - John Byrne
Colorist - Noelle Giddings
Separations - Digital Chameleon
Associate Editor - Ivan Cohen
Editor - Mike Carlin
Cover Price: $2.50

I've been on a bit of a John Byrne kick of late.  Regardless of the publisher, I try and grab anything "JB" that I can.  Recently over at DC in the 80's, I wrote a Usenet Fandom piece which discusses a bit of the proto-Internet reaction to Mr. Byrne's post-Crisis pending arrival to the Superman family of books... I figured this may be a good time to revisit one of Byrne's later DC efforts, the comparably little-known, Lab Rats.

When this title launched, I (and I'll assume many other fans) didn't quite know what to make of it.  Over at the John Byrne forum Byrne Robotics, JB himself stated on January 21, 2012:

Click to enlarge

I did buy the first issue off-the-rack, not thinking much about it... saw it was a John Byrne book and a DC Comic, so into my pile it went.  The first time I read it... well, if I'm being honest... I don't think I made it more than a handful of pages in before coming to the conclusion that it just wasn't for me.  If I'm continuing to be honest, I don't think I'd given Lab Rats a second thought ever since.  Apparently, I'm not alone.  Information on Lab Rats on the Internet is scarce at best and what little there is, is often comprised solely of snarky comments.  I cannot even find any information as to whether or not this Creator-Owned series took place within the mainstream DC Universe (see: Sovereign Seven, Young Heroes in Love).  Ninja Edit: Future covers feature Superman, so that answers that.

Lab Rats would only run for eight issues, and ends on a rather somber note.  Let's see if time has been kind to this turn-of-the-century series.

--

We open on a group of teenagers being chased by a dinosaur.  A young girl named Gia reaches out to a young man maned Poe, however, they are unsuccessful in saving her life.

We quickly switch scenes to an office in a campus.  Mr. Quinlan is interrupted by a woman called Sara who informs him that the "kids are dying".  We also meet an injured young lady who is upset she couldn't be with the rest of her team.  We come to find that the teens are all neurally connected to a machine, and the dinosaur chase was something of a simulacrum.  Virtual, though it may seem... it now appears as though if one of the 'Rats dies "in game" their body outside will also die.

Back "inside", we meet the rest of our team.  Alex, an attitudinal young lad with longish blonde hair, the ambiguous Dana whose ears are overly pierced, and Wu, a young man with a mulleted ponytail.  Poe appears to be their team leader.

The team is on a sort of platform attempting to allude the dinosaur.  Wu disconnects some live wires from the control panel and shocks the dino which aids in their escape.  They do not escape unscathed however.  Besides the tragic loss of Gia... Poe himself takes a tumble into the jungle below, where he winds up surrounded by a quartet of smaller dinosaurs.

Back on campus, the injured girl observes a new recruit being escorted inside... a "very yum" new recruit.

I will from now on only refer to attractive people as "very yum"

Back in game, the remaining three 'Rats argue about their current plight.  Alex is annoyed that their platform's wiring is screwed.  Wu thinks he's figured out the game altogether... he explains that the game will do whatever they think it will do... like, they have a measure of control over everything around them.  He says they can still fly the platform... as long as they think they can.  We are also given information about the fatal end of the games "beta testers".

Back on campus, a team of doctors attends to Gia's lifeless body.  They check her "bio-stat hot links", which illustrate that she was being chewed at her time of passing.  Meanwhile, our injured girl meets Mr. Yum, who appears as though he doesn't have the brains God gave a peanut.

durrrrrrrr

Back inside, Poe is being chased... it's almost as though the dinosaurs are playing with him.  He recalls his studies, and notes that the fossil record does not reflect this type of behavior in these creatures... it appears he may be putting two and two together as well.  He is chased up to the edge of a cliff.

The team arrives, hovering over Poe.  Alex extends his hand to pull him on.  Poe refuses, and instead jumps off the edge of the cliff.  The cliff now appears to be much higher than it was, giving the team enough time to swoop in for a save.  It is implied that the cliff's height was affected by Poe's desire.  Poe is rescued, but the dinos are still in hot pursuit.

Back on campus, we receive a bit of insight as to what the game may be.  Mr. Quinlan explains to a doctor that "Game Space" is a sophisticated military training system wherein any potential combat situation can be acted out.  Injured Girl and Box o' Rocks wander by, and she tells him about the missions she and the team go on... how her leg injury was due to their last mission... and finally about how they are all just a bunch of Lab Rats.

Oh, now I get it.

Back inside, the dinosaurs are still chasing our teens.  Wu shuts his eyes tightly and reimagnines their former platform into a tremendous aircraft armed with lasers and thrusters.  The team talks about their ability to "change the rules" of the game.  They also discuss Gia's suicidal ideations as a potential cause for her passing.

The team decides the only way they will survive this ordeal is if they themselves overload the game.  They all open up their minds and let in a torrent of their worst nightmares.  We shift back to the doctors who can only watch as the system overflows.  Back to the kids, the environment becomes more and more full.  Back to the docs, the system is out of memory.  Back inside... the system... crashes.

This was really quite well done.

Sometime later, we join the team as they recuperate.  They also meet Mr. Yum, who we find is named Isaac.  We also learn that Injured Girl is called Trilby.  Mr. Quinlan enters and tells the kids they'd earned a vacation.

As we close, we see what appears to be a military base.  Two ne'er do wells are messing around on some of the equipment when suddenly they are attacked by a fire-breathing dragon.  We are... [to be continued...]

--

Well, that was something.

I can't say it was outright bad.  I feel perhaps its being a comic book is what hurts it.  If this premise was placed into a light-novel with a plucky young female lead and aimed at the YA audience, I think this could have been a goldmine for Mr. Byrne (and would have likely had at least one feature film by now).  The concept is solid, and quite interesting.  Aiming this story at the aging and rutted comics reader, under the DC Comics umbrella may have been a poor decision.  As JB claims in the above quote, Retailers refused to order it for their paying customers.  I cannot speak for the validity of the statement, however, if it even has an ounce of truth in it... the books' failure was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  You don't make a product available to market... the market cannot support it... the product goes away.

So, the concept/premise I dig.  The dialogue... is kind of evocative of Chris Claremont writing "teen"... not embarrassingly bad, but definitely provides a measure of "cringe" now and again.  The characters, in the short time we are with them thus far are all given pretty decent "ticks", archetypal as they may be... but this works in providing each 'Rat with a personality and motivation.

The art felt a tad looser than I'm accustomed to from John Byrne.  Again, not by any means bad... but, loose.  A few of the characters appeared to be ambiguously designed.  There is brief mention at Byrne Robotics that this was done on purpose, especially in the case of Dana.

All told, I'm having trouble putting into words how I feel about Lab Rats.  There just seems to be so much potential here that was stifled, and perhaps twisted pretzel-style into standard comic book fare, when it really could have been so much more.  Is it worth checking out?  Well, if you're a John Byrne fan, you probably already have it.  Otherwise, I'm not sure I could give a proper recommendation, sadly.  It's a novelty, and an oddity.  If them's part of your comics diet... give it a go.  This is a mainstay in cheap-o bins locally... if you find this for a buck-or-below, I don't think you'll be disappointed.

--

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Shazam! The New Beginning #1 (1987)

Shazam! The New Beginning #1 (April, 1987)
"Krakka-Thoom!"
Writers - Roy & Dann Thomas
Artist - Tom Mandrake
Letterer - Agustin Mas
Colorist - Carl Gafford
Cover Price: $0.75

Suppose I should get this out of the way.  I don't know a whole lot about Captain Marvel... yet, I really really like the character.  I always feel as though I should know more about him, his cast, and his past exploits... and yet, I don't.  I have a very pronounced Shazam!-sized hole in my collection, and in my addled brain-banks.  I've had this issue (and a handful of others) in the collection for years now, and just never gotten around to reading them.

I always hear comics-types in podcasts or blogs name Captain Marvel among their favorites, and I, for whatever reason just nod along... as if to agree, as though I have any idea what the character's all about.  If I'm being honest, the Captain Marvel with whom I have the most experience and knowledge is the New-52 iteration.  All others that came before... well, I can point him out in a line-up, but not all that much more.

The book we're going to discuss today is the post-Crisis (post-Legends) reimagining of Captain Marvel for (presumably) a new generation of readers.  Well, I'm psyched to finally get some first-hand Shazameducation... and I hope you are too.

--

The story opens on a rainy San Francisco street.  A car is barreling down a city street and winds up plowing into an electrical pole before ultimately bursting into flames.

Next, we're at the the Dudley Batson home, where Dud is entertaining his young nephew Billy with card tricks.  Dudley is a small-time magician who sometimes takes his show on the road.  They are interrupted by a ringing phone.  Dudley waits his requisite four rings (can't look too anxious, after all) before answering.  It is the authorities on the line, they inform him there'd been an fatal accident involving Billy's parents.  He breaks the news to Billy.

At the funeral, Billy and Dudley are joined by another one of Billy's Uncles.  This one from his mother's side of the family... it's his uncle Thaddeus Sivana.  Billy is confused, as he thought Dudley was his only Uncle.  Dud tells Billy that Sivana was Billy's mother's step-brother, and that he was her hidden shame.  Sivana promises Billy that he will see him again shortly.

Moving right along, we are now in the midst of a custody battle for Billy between Thad and Dud.  Billy is left outside of the proceedings, and he meets two blondes who claim to be the son and daughter of Dr. Sivana.  They tell Billy that if he stays with Dudley, he would have to give up his career as a road magician.

Billy is finally called into the courtroom.  When asked for his thoughts, he stuns Uncle Dudley by telling the Judge that he'd rather live with his Uncle Thaddeus.

Upon arrival at the rustic Sivana estate, Billy finds that his new brother Magnificus and sister Beautia aren't Sivana's children at all... they work for him.  Billy is shown his room, which is not much more than a utility closet.  When Billy questions him, Sivana becomes physically abusive to the boy.  That night he overhears Sivana on the phone with somebody about special equipment and payment.

The next day, Billy starts at a brand new high school where he immediately runs afoul of the resident bullies.

He walks home, minding the thunder... he claims it's been storming an awful lot of late.  When he gets home, the house is in complete darkness except for a sliver of light escaping from behind Sivana's metal door that had been left ajar.  The doorway leads to the basement, and Billy decides to take a peek.  He observes Sivana on the phone in a room full of humming machinery which is meant to make contact with other-dimensional lifeforms.  He overhears Sivana mention that he only wanted Billy for the inheritance he was due.

Billy runs for the door.  Sivana notices and gives chase, though Billy easily gets away.  He heads to Dudley's apartment only to find he had already left town on a trip.  He bolts out of Dud's building, tripping over a garbage can along the way.  He recovers to find he is sitting in front of a subway station on the very street that his parents died.  Behind the subway grate is a shadowy man... he is pointing directly at Billy summoning him inside.

Billy enters, and makes his way to the tracks... Suddenly he finds himself in front of statues representing the seven deadly sins.

He continues to a throne made of stone.  Atop it sits an old wizard... above him is a large stone block being held aloft by a thread no thicker than a hair.

The wizard introduces himself as Shazam.  He asks Billy to recite his name.  Billy becomes the World's Mightiest Mortal, Captain Marvel.

The wizard tells the tale of having been through this before, an indication that he is aware of the pre-Crisis universe, perhaps even the Fawcett universe.  He alerts Captain Marvel of the pending arrival of the man he had been created to fight, Black Adam.  Billy (still with the mentality of a boy) jokes that in his new body, nobody stands a chance... the old Wizard sighs and asks himself why he didn't choose to "start with a girl" this time around.

The stone block above the throne begins to fall.  Before it crushes the wizard, he asks that Captain Marvel say his name one more time.  Billy lets out one more "Shazam!" as the wizard is seemingly crushed.  With a bolt of lightning, Billy is back in his own body... and back in front of the subway entrance.

He says the magic word and becomes Captain Marvel once again.  He tears the grate off of the subway entrance and soars back toward Shazam... only to find a a brick wall.  No sin-statues... no wizard, just a brick wall.

Back in Sivana's lab, he is continuing with his trials.  He is attempting to make communicate with extradimensional life.  Wouldn'tcha know it, he's made contact.  Out of the ether flies the man who had been banished from Earth 5,000 years prior... Black Adam.

The issue opens with a short text piece on Captain Marvel by series writer, Roy Thomas.

--

I remember the first time I heard of the movie, Eraserhead by David Lynch.  It was the mid-1990's and I was in high school.  My friends and I really wanted to see this movie after hearing bits and pieces of what it was about.  Only problem was, the film was for whatever reason only released on BetaMAX (at least that's what our research claimed).  I remember imagining what the movie must be like, things that may happen... how I'd feel while I was watching this disturbing piece of work.  It wouldn't be until the late 2000's that I finally caught the movie... and while I dug it, I was so far up my own ass with how I thought it should play out that it ultimately affected my enjoyment.

I failed to separate the expectations of a 16-year-old boy and the reality of the work.  I'd watch a scene, and think to myself "That wasn't how it went..." or "No, that's not right..."  I had somehow convinced myself that I knew better than the creator.

This is how I feel after reading this Captain Marvel origin story.  Don't get me wrong, it's a wonderful piece of work by Roy and Dann Thomas... it's just not how I thought it was going to go.  When Dr. Sivana was revealed to be Billy's (step) Uncle, I was pulled out of the story... I didn't think that was the way it should go.  Billy being in San Francisco rather than Fawcett City (there is a Fawcett City right?  I didn't imagine that, right?) was another.  Keeping in mind, I have embarrassingly little Captain Marvel knowledge here... I guess what I'm trying to say, is that this issue surprised me.  I enjoyed it overall, however, while reading I couldn't shake that tiny voice in the back of my empty head saying "Nah, that's not how it goes..."

After shaking off my preconceptions, I can appreciate the story for what it was.  The writing/dialogue was very good, as would be expected.  The folks we meet in this issue are all given wonderful characterization.  It actually feels as though we are meeting them.  I'll concede that Dr. Sivana may have come across a bit too mustache-twirlingly evil, but by the same token, it kind of works for him.  He's a character that doesn't really need a "shade of gray".  I also really appreciate the fact that it appears as though Shazam knows about the pre-Crisis continuity.  That was a fantastic touch!  I love stuff like that.

Tom Mandrake's art fit the tone of the story very well.  It felt very down to earth and street level (dare I say gritty?) prior to Billy's meeting with Shazam.  Captain Marvel was given a majestic regal look, and the ending with Black Adam had a foreboding and black-magical feel to it.  Great work all around.

If you're a fan of (or have a passing interest in) Captain Marvel, go ahead and check this one out.

--

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