DCU Holiday Bash! #1 (Catwoman)
“Bearing Gifts We Traverse Afar”
Writer – Denny O’Neil
Pencils – Jesse Delperdang
Inks – Mike Sellers
Colors – Lee Loughridge
Letters – John Costanza
Editors – Mike Carlin & Darren Vincenzo
It’s always pretty neat when I get to re-use assets… didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to use the Catwoman “bullet” I made for Action Comics Daily again! Heyyy, I’m going to re-use another “bullet” tomorrow! Times like this I’m happy I’m a digital packrat!
Let’s get into it!
It’s Christmas Eve… hey, I wonder if it’s the same Christmas Eve as the first two stories we’ve looked at this week? I dunno… anyhoo, we open at a Gotham City Pub, where some wiseguys are trying to track down a woman named Maria. A portly Shadow King-lookin’ dude at the bar inquires as to why they’re trying to find this one woman in particular, and we find out her “old man” murdered this dude’s brother. A woman at the bar spills the beans, says Maria is known to hang out with a Fortune Teller named, get this, Melchoir. Hmm… quite a “wizened” name.
The pub clears out, and with it, that portly fella. Turns out, this heavyweight was… Catwoman! In, uh, disguise… naturally. She sneaks into an alley to change into her “work clothes”.
Before heading to Dr. Melchoir’s Natural Good-Time Family Fortune-Telling Solution, Selina peers into her bag. Turns out she stole a pretty valuable piece earlier this evening. That’ll come up again later.
Inside, she greets Melchoir… and by “greets”, I mean, snaps at him with her whip. She wants to know what he told Wiseguy Harry Rodley. Mel comes clean, and says that Maria is at a dance on 1st Ave. Further, he comes clean that… he’s lying. This was all a subterfuge to buy Maria some time. Selina makes it clear that she ain’t screwing around… and manages to get him to spill the actual beans on Maria’s whereabouts.
Mel guides Catwoman to Gotham City Meats, where we see Maria (baby in tow) pleading with some scumbag for help. This dude, who I’m going to assume was her boyfriend/husband, more or less tells her she’s screwed.
Just then, Harry Rodley’s limousine pulls up. Catwoman and Melchoir rush over to Maria to concoct a plan. Selina decides that they’ll hide Maria and the baby in the back of a truck… that just so happens to be full of straw. Well, that’s convenient. Selina herself will drive away in Maria’s car to draw the baddies away.
Since it’s late at night, Selina’s plan actually works. Harry and Company follow Maria’s car out of the lot, and are in hot pursuit. Selina drives through a barricade blocking off a bridge undergoing major construction…
… annnnnnd, drives right off the edge… giving the impression that Maria just offed herself! Since this is Selina Kyle, however, we know she has ways of surviving stuff like this. Ya know, like bailing out and grabbing onto the underside of the bridge, while the Wiseguys kinda just stand around scratching their heads.
We wrap up back at Gotham City Meats, where Selina assures Maria that she’s safe to leave. She hands her a bunch of money, as well as that angel statue she’d stolen earlier that evening. Says it’ll sell for a half-mill. What she doesn’t say is, when Maria tries to sell it, there’s a pretty good chance she’ll wind up getting arrested. Ah well, life’s a gamble, right?
Well… this is the kind of story I usually associate with these “all-in” jam issues. No consequence, nothing “pressing”… nothing we’re supposed to think about once we’re done reading. I mean, that’s not the worst thing in the world, but… it certainly isn’t the best either.
Outside of the Melchoir-ness, and the woman named Maria taking refuge in straw… there isn’t a whole lot about this story that screams “Christmas”. I guess they can’t all be as festive as a Mall Santa… but, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for something a bit more “of the season”.
Selina’s Robin Hood act was… I dunno, I suppose her heart was in the right place… but, really… what does she expect Maria to do? Head over to a Fence on Christmas Eve (or shortly after) to try and sell a just-stolen angel statue? That’s kind of a mean trick, innit? I suppose that’s just one of those things we’re not supposed to think about.
Oh well… they can’t all be winners!
Tomorrow: How the Etrigrinch Stole Christmas!