Justice League of America (1997 TV Pilot), Part Two

Welcome to Part Two of our look at the 1997 Justice League of America television pilot — this time, with Animated GIFs! I remember being very proud of this piece back in the long ago… mostly because of those GIFs. I was looking for ways to “wow” people… and add a little bit’a “pop” to my articles. Was I successful? Ehh… who knows? Anyway, hope you enjoy!

When we last left our heroes they had just thwarted the sinister Weatherman’s plot against New Metro.  With all those super heroic (and arguably interesting) antics behind us, we now get to experience the “softer side” of the gang.

We learn that not only do Guy and Ray team together, but they’re also shacked up.  Stands to reason, I guess… couldn’t expect Ray to afford his own place on a teacher’s salary.  All seems comfy until… come and knock on our door… Barry moves in.  Never has a table been set so quickly.

The gang sits down to eat, but wouldn’tcha know it… Barry’s metabolism is on the fritz, and he inhales the dinner himself.  The fellas are shortly joined by B.B., who didn’t get the part she’d auditioned for, but almost got a teenage boyfriend for her troubles.  It is during this scene that it’s implied that not only were Guy and B.B. an item at one point… but it’s heavily suggested that Bea faked all of her orgasms during their relationship.

We rejoin the erstwhile Tori Olafsdotter as she bumbles about the meteorological facility.  Here we meet the likely villain of this story.  A secretive scientist-type called Arliss who only works at night so that they don’t have to deal with looky-loos.  Tori weasels her way by him and into a lab where she promptly makes a mess of everything.  She happens across a hidden steel briefcase, and decides it’d probably be a bang up idea to see what’s inside.

Ya see… this be her Secret Origin.  She finds that she has that magic touch where she can freeze things.  She hurries home and comes across a totally awesome 90’s dude who fell into the lake.  Tori, already feeling some “hero pangs” steps into the water… and immediately freezes the entire lake.  Somehow this doesn’t kill the poor almost-drowning victim, who instead just gives off a Joey Lawrence style “Whoa…”

This event makes local news, and lucky for the League the report begins just as their television set gets repaired.  The quartet watch, and upon seeing young Tori among the “witnesses” we get the feeling Ray’s getting some feelings he will have to soon deal with in private.

Don’t look directly at it…

That night, Tori gets abducted from her bed.  You may think it’s the Wacky Weatherman behind the kidnapping… but, in actuality it’s the League!  They fill her perky little lungs full of gas and take her to an undisclosed location to read her the riot act.  Ya see, they believe she may just be the Weatherman.  The League appears to be acting on the direction of a disembodied voice, which is sure to be important as we move forward.

We next find Tori back in her bed, the victim of what can only be called the Metahuman version of a nocturnal emission.  Luckily for our dear girl this is only a wet dream about a wet dream.

The next morning while speaking with Miguel Ferrer, Tori reveals that she’s a tad bit suspicious of shady ol’ Arliss.  I’m just now realizing that his character is called Dr. Eno, so I guess I ought to refer to him as such from this point forward.  His body appears to stiffen up (nyuk nyuk) while talking to Tori, and so he excuses himself.  Outside he pretends to tie his shoe, and we notice that all is not quite as it seems.

We rejoin Fire as she is wooed by a phony French film director… who in actuality, turns out to be the same teenage admirer from earlier.  He more or less admits to stalking Ms. Da Costa, which she handles surprisingly well.  She appears flattered and promises to call him when she next gets the opportunity.  Man, I guess I had it all wrong when it comes to how to get women.  I guess after faking-it with Guy for so long she’s entitled… to be the next decomposing head in this loon’s refrigerator.

Speaking of Guy, he’s currently attempting to once more make good with his neglected girlfriend.  Just as he appears to be making some headway… the Weatherman strikes again!  This time with a blizzard of ping-pong balls!

Guy rescues his girlfriend from getting smashed by the balls.  We get the feeling that there’s a Guy-whatever his girlfriend’s name is-Green Lantern love triangle in the making.  Atom and Flash arrive on the scene, and the three fellas watch as Fire blasts the clouds with her powers.  The day is once again saved!

Back at the apartment… err, headquarters, the team is huddled around and receiving orders from their television set.  They are told to keep an eye on this Arliss fella.  It seems like they were considering “drafting” Tori into their ranks anyway (just get some uncontrollable powers?  wanna save the world?), so why not kill two birds with one stone?

The gang infiltrates Eno’s facility posing as guests to some gala event they’re holding.  Here they both meet with Tori, and get a better look at Arliss.  Arliss is acting all sorts of shifty, and is trying to smuggle a box out of the building.  The League puts the Flash on his tail and he follows him back to his suburban home.  Flash confronts the geek, accuses him of being the Wascally Weatherman and checks out the contents of the box for himself.

Turns out Arliss is just a harmless introvert.  His big top-secret invention is just a weather predictor (right up to 88% of the time, as of this writing).  With the good name of Arliss cleared, it appears as though our heroes are back to square one.  Just who is the nefarious Weatherman?

In addition to answering that question, one can only hope we get some resolution to other burning issues such as… Will Barry ever get a job?  Is Guy any good in bed?  Will B.B. get popped for statutory? when we conclude our look into the failed Justice League of America pilot.

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One thought on “Justice League of America (1997 TV Pilot), Part Two

  • June 12, 2022 at 5:42 am
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    It pains me to think that the writers of this actually thought that this is what comic books are actually like. These writers would never be able to get a job writing for DC.
    On the positive side, I think that your GIFs did add to your coverage. When reading about a moving picture medium, having actual moving pictures in the review lets the reader see just how good or bad the film actually is.
    I think I’ve used up my quota of “actually”s so I’ll just look forward to the conclusion tomorrow.

    Reply

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