Welcome Back, Kotter #1 (1976)

With some wifely prodding, Gabe realizes he’s about to be late to work, and rushes out of the building. Doing his best Dagwood Bumstead impression, he collides with the mailman whose parcels and missives go flying.  Among them is one addressed to Gabe from the Department of Education.

Letter in hand, he hops on the bus.  Once seated, he learns that his transfer request has been approved.  He and his wife can leave their rotten Brooklyn apartment and move to Manhattan’s East Side.  He’s so pleased he plants a kiss on the passenger next to him… which buys him a beating via umbrella.  It’s all good though, Gabe’s spirits are still high enough for him to click his heels and go about his day.

Once in his classroom he continues reading his letter… he says aloud that he will have to go in for a physical examination before the transfer is made final.  His train of thought is interrupted when he hears a stirring in the supply closet.  Why it’s Vinnie Barbarino making time with Rosalie “Hotsie” Totsie.  He gives’em both the boot, however without use of the classic Kotter wit.  It seems as though his mind is elsewhere… something that is not lost on young Barbarino.  He reports back to fellow ‘Hogs Horshack and Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington (Juan Epstein is absent, but don’t worry… I’m sure he’s got a note)… and we get the classic sitcom misunderstanding.  The guys think that Mr. Kotter is quite ill, and they plan to “be really cool” with him today.

And so… the class decides to not only behave… but somehow get all their homework and studying done in the fifteen minutes before home room.  Not bad for remedials!  Kotter thinks he’s lost his mind… when suddenly Mr. Woodface Woodman enters to congratulate him on his pending medical examination.  The Sweathogs take great offense to this, believing Woodman is celebrating their teacher’s fatal illness.  Gabe straightens everything out, and comes clean about his transfer.  In the interest of full disclosure (and not getting jumped by a gaggle of angry ‘Hogs) he blames the entire thing on his wife.

Barbarino, Horshack and Washington fearing that a strict teacher would be taking Mr. Kotter’s place decide to pop in for a visit with Mrs. Julie Kotter… to try and win her over.  That’s truly a terrifying thought… probably one that wouldn’t fly these days.  Anyhoo, they… ahem… watch her from the fire escape… which (pardon my 2016) is creepy, right?  They see her in a cloud of dust as she struggles to vacuum the apartment.  The vacuum “bucks like a wild bronco and is sparking electricity all over the place.  Her household chores are interrupted by a ringing at the door.  Why, it’s the Sweathogs, and they come bearing the gift of a brand-new (very likely “hot”) vacuum cleaner.

After exchanging pleasantries, Vinnie wanders over to the Kotters’ open and mostly empty refrigerator.  He offers to go grocery shopping for the busy Julie, and she hands him a tenner for his troubles.  Thirty-minutes later, the ‘hogs return with $100 worth of groceries… and $9 change from the money Julie gave them.  I’ve hoid’a “hot” meals before, but this is ridiculous.

Julie is finally able to get the boys to come clean about why they’re being so nice… and they say that Gabe gave’em the ol’ “Happy wife, happy life” spiel, and so they want to make sure she’s as happy as possible so their favorite teacher won’t transfer.  Lucky for the ‘hogs, Julie has a plan.  She lets her fingers do the walking, and calls a B. Wayne Pevey… and I don’t think that “B” stands for Bruce.

The next morning Gabe happily swaggers into work, singing all the way.  There’s an older fellow in his classroom who is helpfully advised of Kotter’s arrival by… either Arnold Horshack or a rapture enthusiast standing in the parking lot.  The man shouts Kotter’s name, and suddenly it is as though Gabe himself is a Sweathog once more.

After some screwing about, Gabe asks what’s going on.  We learn that Pevey was Kotter’s high school Social Studies teacher, and that Gabe himself was the founding member of the Sweathogs.  This next bit is funny… rather than stay and, ya know… teach classes today, Gabe asks Pevey if he wants to “do lunch”… and so, the pair leave.  I guess Barbarino and “Hotsie” Totsie can make out all they want this morning!

We follow Kotter and Pevey to the cafeteria, where they indulge in some gloppy mess.  Pevey tells the story of his retirement party, and how it was nearly ruined by a mean-spirited prank by Gabe himself.  The cheerleaders banner was replaced with one that read “Good Riddance”.  Kotter admits he was ashamed of that act, and even went as far as chucking the banner into Sheepshead Bay.

The pair part with a newfound respect for one another, and Kotter heads back to his classroom where he finds… Juan Epstein… and wouldn’tcha know it… he’s got a note!  Kotter laughs it off and heads over to the window to pull down the blinds.  Uh-oh… the blinds have been rigged by Epstein… and they fall to the floor!  The rest of the Sweathogs get all over poor unknowing Juan about potentially losing Kotter to (figuratively) greener pastures.

Gabe sees that his decision is affecting more people than just him… and so, he picks up his transfer letter and… tears it into tiny little pieces.  I’m not sure that’s how transfers work, but I appreciate the sentiment.

We end our visit in Brooklyn with Gabe returning home for the day.  He gets his “sneaky, foxy” wife to admit that she was behind Pevey’s arrival… but their smootch session is interrupted by a clattering in the closet… why it’s Barbarino and Hotsie makin’ it in the cupboard.  Roll the credits and the theme song (seriously), cuz we’re out!