X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #30 (1989)
"Play With Me"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Jim Novak
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #30 (February, 1989)

Hey! Anybody interested in finding out why Arcade is the way he is?

No? Well, me neither... but, it looks like we don't have much choice in the matter...

So let's make like we're reading a Rogues-focused issue of Geoff Johns era Flash, and... ya know, add a bunch of childhood trauma to a lunatic's backstory so we all feel sorry for him!

--

We open with Arcade being aroused from some wonderfully pleasant dreams... where he's being stalked by a bunch of demonic toys. He cries out that he doesn't wanna play with them, before introducing himself... to himself? He literally springs up in bed and says "I'm Arcade". Maybe Ann didn't realize this story was going to be the back-half of another Arcade-focused ditty... maybe it was art-direction to Bolton that accidentally made its way into the script? Maybe this is just the way Arcade speaks, and I've never realized it until now? Maybe I'm wasting way too much time on one oddly-dialogued panel. Anyway, it's storming and spooky out... and, before getting back to sleep, our man hears a familiar BLIPpin' of the Murderworld Computer System. He heads down to the console to see what's up... and who might've activated it.

He finds out quick that not only has the console been accessed... it's somehow locked him out from accessing it. Arcade realizes that, while he can't get into the system -- he can still enter Murderworld itself to see what he might be able to find. What follows is around four pages of our man hustlin' his way through, avoiding attacks from some oversized power-tools... and dodging fire from a shooting gallery, wherein his own childhood stuffed animals are attempting to pick him off. He manages to maneuver his way "backstage", where he overhears what sounds like a child playing with toys. All good, right? Well... no, ya see -- this child is playing with HIS toys... and so, Arcade's gotta regulate. Now... any guesses as to who this kid might be? Oh, c'mon, this ain't your first comic book story. Of course, the child is... Arcade himself.

Adult-Child Arcade picks up a clown doll and pats Child-Child Arcade on the head. Child-Child Arcade plucks the nose off'a the clown doll... which really ticks off Adult-Child Arcade... and so, he proceeds to pummel the bejeezus out of the boy... with the toy! Wow, why is Arcade reacting so violently? Could it be some... childhood trauma he's flashing back to? Again, this ain't yer first comic book story.

Suddenly, in mid-swing, Adult-Child Arcade seems to realize that this redheaded toy-breaker is actually... him. I mean, he's just now figuring that out? Maybe this is the first comic story he's ever read? Anyway, he stops himself from pummeling the punk into paste... and not a moment later, an angry, balding fella enters the room. Could this be -- Arcade's abusive father? Well, I mean... yeah. Duh.

Daddy grabs the kid by his arm and starts laying into him... verbally. Worth noting, Daddy doesn't get much of an opportunity to become physically violent -- because, before he can, Adult-Child Arcade picks up a toy train and clubbers his father with it -- killing him!

This takes us to our endgame... Adult-Child Arcade embraces Child-Child Arcade. Suddenly, there's a loud THUNK, which I'm assuming signals the end of this Murderworld Program, as it's followed by li'l Arcade literally falling to pieces -- he's just a robot, ya see? We know Arcade's kinda got a "thing" for robots, so it's probably good that this particular one fell apart.

We close out with Arcade heading back to the Murderworld console to find out what sick mind might've written this program. Uh, any guesses? Hey-HEY, turns out, Arcade did it himself... in his sleep.

--

Now, I know it probably seems like I was a little dismissive of this story -- which, isn't entirely fair. It's a fine story... perhaps, in the opinion of the a-hole whose words you're reading right now, an unnecessary story... but, a fine one all the same.

Sometimes it's difficult to go back and look at story types which may have been considered novel back in the long ago... that have been rendered into nothing more than the lazy tropes of current-year. Back in 1989, or whenever this was actually written, the deconstruction of the hero/villain was still somewhat "new", right? Topics like childhood trauma or parental abuse to x-plain away baddie-behavior weren't quite so over-done. With that in mind, this story probably opened some eyes -- the idea that this Adult-Child (or, in current-year parlance: Manbaby), who is stuck in this odd arrested development, where his death traps are literal oversized toys, may've been abused by his father -- it sorta-kinda tracks, right?

Of course, it's hard to do anything other than roll your eyes when we're reading this today... as, "childhood trauma" has become the go-to for super-villain origin stories. Recently over on X-Lapsed, we discussed some of the fillery final issues of Gerry Duggan's Marauders. In them [spoiler alert], it was revealed that Wilhelmina Kensington of the Hellfire Tots/Homines Verendi, acted like an even less-stable Harley Quinn because was sexually abused by her father. The online reaction to this bit of business (on my airwaves and elsewhere), wasn't anger, sadness, or anxiety... it was... disinterest. If there was any actual emotion involved, it was more disappointment directed toward Duggan for taking the route-most-traveled.

This certainly isn't to say softening (or humanizing) a villain is something I consider as being off-limits -- it's just been done to the point where it doesn't even elicit an emotion. Maybe the industry is just over-exposed at this point? Maybe the current crop of talent lack the subtlety of the old guard? Maybe, the fact that continuity doesn't even really exist anymore makes retcons like these carry even less "oomph" or weight? I dunno.

There's also the argument to be made for the fact that -- sometimes people are just jerks. Some folks are born with a chip on their shoulder, and it doesn't matter how good or bad of an upbringing they had -- they're going to grow up to be bad guys/gals. I mean, that's how it is in real-life, right? Nature vs. Nurture is certainly a thing -- but, there are people who are just plain evil. Gun to my head, I'm not sure I could name one such character in mainstream comics. To the "over-exposure" point, every villain has been fleshed out to the point where, it's hard to completely root against them. We see their point of view, and sympathize with them -- or, "understand" why they are the way that they are. Heck, maybe I'm just reading the wrong comics?

With all that said -- I know it's unfair of me to be all "Chris" and hold the sins of the sons against the father (or mother, I suppose), but it's difficult for me to look at a story like this, with my "2022" vision -- and do anything other than shrug-n-sigh. It's unfortunate that this sort of story has been overused to the point where we can guess literally every single beat of it... and can sum up our thoughts on it by simply saying "Oh, it's one of those."

Overall, it was pretty to look at -- and, likely very novel (enlightening, even) back in the long ago -- but, if you're just as tired of this trope as yer idiot host, you probably won't get much out of this.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Eight (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #28 (1988)
"Who Am I?"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Max Scheele
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #28 (December, 1988)

Well, there's a... sorta disturbing cover, eh? Doesn't look at all like something that'd be associated with an X-Men story (ya know, minus the oversized Ruby Quartzes on the dude's face). That's going to become a bit of a trend over these last few Vignette covers -- some of them are going to be quite odd. Still very cool -- just, ya know, odd.

And yes, despite the fact that we still have around a dozen and a half more installments of this project -- the fun Bolton "covers" will be running out much sooner. I wanna say, we've only got around 5 or 6 left! From there... well, I'll have to get a bit creative (which, if history and this blog are any indication, isn't terribly inspiring).

Anyway -- y'all ever wanted to celebrate Halloween with the X-Men? No? Well -- we're gonna anyway.

--

Our story opens with Nightcrawler, who is dressed as a devil, being welcomed in to a Halloween costume party. He jokes with them about buying their souls -- to which, one of 'em apologizes, claiming he's already sold his... and it went cheap! Our fuzzy friend then breaks away to find his friends and teammates. Ya see, the gimmick here is that the X-Men all went independently -- without spilling the beans on what costume they were planning to wear. They thought it'd be fun to see if they can find one another. We're about to learn that... well, maybe that'd been fun on paper -- and I don't mean the paper this comic was printed on. Kurt sees... Wolverine being all sex-pesty to Jean Grey? Only... it's not actually them? Like, a pair of random humans at this party decided to dress up as Logan and Jean for the party???

Kurt takes a sip of eyeball-flavored punch while surveying the room. He thinks this little X-Men hunt will be pretty easy -- spotting a tall man with a mask, he assumes this is Colossus -- though, this big feller is chatting up a girl, which Petey'd definitely be too shy to do (unless it's just after a funeral). He spots a pirate who looks nothing like Wolverine in the slightest -- who he assumes is, ya know, Wolverine. This character actually looks more like Nightcrawler himself, when he uses the Image Inducer.

Just then, a Catwoman comes up behind him to flirt. This little lady seems to have the same fetish as Harry from the Hideaway/Hideout -- she's definitely got a "thing" for Kurt's astonishingly handsome tail. Once she's done tuggin' the tail, Kurt is approached by, I'm assuming, the fella throwing this here shindig. He tells Nightcrawler about some trouble that may be brewing -- ya see, there's a party-guest named Tiffany, who's got herself a monster of an ex-husband, Johnny. He used to beat her, and has threatened to up the ante here tonight. Our host knows that Tiff is dressed as a ghost -- but, Johnny? Johnny could be dressed as anything.

Elsewhere, Cyclops that jester from the cover is off having a drink. He's approached by a masked belly dancer, and lured into the next room. Now, we know this is obviously Jean -- Scott, however, does not. And yet, he follows her anyway.

Back to Kurt, who runs over to the pirate who looks nothing like Wolverine... and proceeds to address him as though he was. The Pirate ain't amused in the slightest, and just assumes that the devil-man is trying to horn-in (d'oh!) on his women.

Back to Scott, who proceeds to make out with the masked belly dancer -- realizes she's actually wearing a mask under her mask -- removes it, revealing a face full of scars? B-but, Why?

Okay, no time for any'a that -- we got a murder to stop. We pop back over to Nightcrawler, who arrives in yet another room of this sprawling home, just in time to see a man dressed as a clown plunge his knife direc-a-ly into the neck of someone dressed as a ghost. Whoops, we're too late! By the looks of it, this murder seemed to really turn on a woman dressed like a witch. Like I say, I ain't here to kink-shame. The clown goes to make his escape, but runs into a giant of a man dressed like a mummy.

The mummy is quickly (and unsurprisingly) revealed to be Colossus, and he's flanked by a pile of (clean) laundry -- which is actually Wolverine. The jig appears to be up for ol' Johnny. As a last ditch effort, he grabs the libidinous witch and threatens to kill her as well -- which, again, she doesn't seem to be all that upset by. If anything, she's giving off more of a face-melting reaction than actual fright.

Just then, a ghost walks to her mark on the stage to unmask and deliver her line. It's Tiffany! She's not actually dead, ya see -- the ghost he'd stabbed in the neck was just a dummy they'd set up. By now, Johnny's completely lost it, and still seems rather set on killing the randy witch. Before he can, however, his blade is TKed away -- and he's bearhugged by our Russian Mummy.

Off to the side, we see that -- duh, Jean was responsible for the TKing. She's the double-masked belly dancer, naturally. This freaks Scott-the-Jester out, seeing as though he'd just made out with her thinking she wasn't her -- I think? Y'all know how I like to (over)use the phrase "Dagwood Sandwich", but Jean here is a Dagwood unto herself. Ya see, not only was she wearing the belly dancer's veil, not only was she wearing a mask over her mouth... but, she's also wearing a bunch of phony scars? She goes to begin pulling the scars off her face -- but -- uhh, Scott stops her? He wants to kiss her... scars and all? What the hell are we reading here? Arright... let's rush to the exit -- we close out with the concupiscent witch sidling up to Nightcrawler wanting to share some eyeball punch with him. We out.

--

Okay, I'm not a writer. Sure, I'm writing words right now -- but, I don't consider myself a writer. If I were, I'd be creating stuff... and not spend my time commenting on other peoples' stuff. Sure, I've got stories I'd love to tell -- I'm just not talented enough to actually do it. That said, I can't claim to understand the writer's "process". Like, in reading this here Vignette -- damned if I can even hazard a guess as to what Nocenti was trying to accomplish here. What's more, even if I were given a detailed triptych, I doubt I could navigate it! Like, where did this story "start"... as in, what was the idea, the concept... the point?

Sure, I'm probably thinking about this too hard... while being a bit too "Chris" about it... but, I'm really struggling with this one. It wasn't awful... it wasn't even (really) bad. And, sure, we're (mostly) post-Claremont here -- and so, we're largely in filller territory -- but, even so -- this one felt just plain ridiculous. Is it a mystery thriller wrapped around finding a murderer? Is it a whimsical costume party where Nightcrawler proves how inept he is at identifying his teammates? Is it the story of Scott unwittingly not cheating on Jean... and discovering he's got a "thing" for scarification?! I... just dunno.

At least it was nice to look at? Well, besides the scars on Jean's chin, anyway. Next time out, I think we're going Colossus-centric -- let's hope they sidestep the FEAR AND HATE for this one!

--

(Not the) Letters Page:

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Seven (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #27 (1988)
"Backlash"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Color - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #27 (November, 1988)

Hey, waitasec -- no wildly overwritten One Page at a Time piece today?!

Nope! We're all saved from my uneven attempts at annotating Marvel Riot (for now), as the Vignettes project has been saved! Knowing the silly (yet unflinchingly rigid) rules I have for the written content on this site, a very generous (too generous) fella sent me the three issues of Classic X-Men I needed in order to see this project through to its end.

A wildly generous act -- which, I can't adequately put into words what it means to me. I'll be reaching out soon off-blog, but I definitely want to say THANK YOU, to Chris U. for going out of his way to put these books into my hot and calloused little hands. I was absolutely gobsmacked when I hit the mailbox this morning. I sincerely and oh-so-humbly Thank You!

--

We open with a janitor about to pour some Drano down a... ya know... drain. As the goop blurbles it's way into the pipes, however, our blue-collar friend finds himself attacked by... I dunno how we're gonna describe these beasties. They're not necessarily "Geiger-esque", but they're not necessarily not either. I mean, I'll post a pic of course, which, I suppose renders these past few sentences rather pointless, eh? Anyway, as this plumbing horror show is taking place, a few of the X-Men are at a nearby burger joint. Cyclops is chatting up the owner of the place's son, who basically sings a few lines of Billy Joel's Allentown to explain what's been going on in their neck of the woods. Pollution and poverty... we're one "fat cat" away from Ann Nocenti bingo! Let's not get ahead of ourselves...

The Hamburger Artist pulls himself aside in order to ogle Jean Grey... who happens to be waiting outside the restaurant, where she's currently being accosted by Wolverine. Like... I don't wanna be "current year" about it, but it's kind of uncomfortable. He's literally got her backed up against the wall, with his arms kinda "pinning" her to it. I'm not sure what tone or feel we're supposed to be getting from this, as... and I might be projecting a bit... it feels like Claremont and Nocenti have been really playing up the idea that Jean was meant to be with Logan and not Scott. It's a whole lotta "You can't fight this forever" sorta chat -- which, Jean doesn't argue -- she does, however, suggest that one of them will have to leave the X-Men. Just then, Scott saunters on out, bagfull'a burgers in hand... seemingly none the wiser to the scene we just saw play out -- despite the fact that Jean was visible from inside the burger joint. I dunno -- maybe Scott's got a cuckold thing? Hey, I'm not here to kink-shame.

Suddenly, Jean's ears perk up as though she's Lassie -- there's trouble at the old factory! She takes flight, TK-towing the fellas behind her. Upon arrival, they meet up with our shrieking janitor... who's, well, still shrieking. Scott attempts to calm him down so they might find out just what in the world is going on. Jean and Wolverine pull away, because -- what better time to continue their problematic chat, eh? Nah, I'm kidding -- they do pull away, but it's so Jean can try psi-scanning the place. Quite why Wolverine needed to accompany her? Well... I suppose it does facilitate the forthcoming uncomfortable scene. The ground begins to shake, a chasm opens up -- right under Jean and Logan's feet! Jean forgets for a moment that she can fly... and has those TK powers we just saw three panels ago... and so, they fall into the down-below. On their way, Jean calls out to Scott to evacuate the building -- she senses ten people present.

In the down-below, Wolverine engages in some comical molestation. "Oh, was that your leg?" Yeah, that's a pretty smooth play, Logan. Anyway, after the stolen grope, our heroes find themselves being descended upon by those Geiger-not-Geiger beasties we met at the jump. Wolverine, being Wolverine, SNIKTs before thinking -- slicing the suckers into itty bitty bits. Unfortunately for him, however, these bits simply become critters of their own! So, looks like this bad situation is becoming worse by the second! Jean TKs some of them away, to buy them some time (and space) so they might flee. It doesn't take long for the critters to catch up and surround them. As a last-ditch effort, Jean erects a TK shield around she and the fuzzy pervert she's with -- which, well... being crammed in such close quarters may've (most definitely has) erected something else as well.

The Geiger-not-Geigers continue piling on... really pressing our heroes together. It's uncomfortable... for several reasons. Like I said, I really don't wanna be "current year" about this, because... blech... but, the way Logan is acting here? I think the current-year-kids would say it's, ugh, "Not okay." In fairness (is it "fairness"?), Jean isn't exactly unreceptive to his wiles... it's more that she's trying to stay "on task". Logan keeps telling her not to resist... which, okay, okay... yeah... this doesn't read well nowadays. Jean cries out to Scott -- to which, Logan suggests that she's using Scott as a "conscience check" of sorts. Well, she's not. She's actually just trying to find out if the building's been evacuated so she can blow the place up without killing anybody.

And, well -- she's given the telepathic thumbs up... and does da t'ing. Worth noting, even up to the very last moment, Wolverine is still trying to get into Jean's pants.

We wrap up with the dissipation of Phoenix flame where the factory once stood. Scott rushes over to his teammates to check in. We close out with a bit of dialogue that Nocenti clearly wrote in reverse. Scott asks the experience "was horrible", which, I mean... pretend you just saw someone very close to you go through something that was clearly traumatic, and say this line out loud, "Was it horrible?" Has any human ever said a line that stilted? Oh well -- like I said, it was clearly written in reverse, as to allow Wolverine to respond by saying it was the best time he's had in months.

--

Could it be -- a Nocenti story I actually sorta-kinda enjoyed?! No(t much) soapboxing, actual character-development... a post-Claremont Vignette that doesn't feel like a pile of sentences swept into a word processer?

Well, will wonders never cease! Gotta say, I think I've made my position on the Logan/Jean "romance" pretty clear over the years. In case you're new, or I'm not as clear as I think -- I'm against it. Not a fan. Feels wildly forced to me. That said, however, I am very much a "Facts of Life" sorta fella when it comes to my comics lore -- which is to say, I take the good, I take the bad... I take 'em both. So, whether or not I dig or agree with a story beat or concept... so long as creative is consistent with the lore, I'm there for it.

Perhaps worth noting, and this is probably the most "un-Chris" thing I'll ever say on this site -- my first exposure to the possibility that there's any sort of romantic feelings between Jean and Logan was by watching the cartoo-- err, Animated Series. I keep forgetting, it makes me sound a lot more intelligent to not refer to it as a "cartoon". I didn't like it then either, but -- I guess I considered the show and the comic two different things, so it didn't much bother me. In the years since, I've become juuuuuuusssst a little better acquainted with the seminal beats of this storyline -- and, while I still don't care for it, I respect it as part of these characters' history.

With all that said -- this was a creepy little ditty. We, as readers, gotta do a fair amount of heavy-lifting to make this story work without much of a hitch. We have to assume that Scott didn't see Wolverine pinning his girl against the wall of the burger joint -- even though one panel earlier, the Burger Artist was gawking at the redhead. We've also got to assume that Warren didn't tell Scott about the run-in he had with Wolverine back in our opening chapter. I mean, I get dedicating a couple'a Vignette chapters to x-amining the weird primal lusty gutsy relationship that's simmering here, but maybe we don't put Scott within earshot of these chats, eh?

Maybe Scott's got some cuck-y tendencies... but, we know that isn't the case (well, pre-HoXPoX, anyway). It just seems bizarre to have Logan make his move here. We know he doesn't have a whole lotta respect for Scott -- but, what he's doing here makes me want to actively root against him -- which, and I might be projecting -- I don't believe is the desired reaction. I feel like Claremont and Nocenti really want for us to be pulling for Logan and Jean. I could be wrong. In any event, discomfort abounded here. Physical, emotional, sexual -- it's a regular discomfort Olympics!

Overall, like I said -- despite my discomfort and misgivings about the Jean/Logan/Scott love-triangle, I enjoyed this. Props to Nocenti for managing to tell a story that had to do with factories shutting down and pollution, and not get all high-horse and soapboxy about it. I'm sure that was a challenge for her. The art here, well, it goes without saying, dunnit? It's spectacular stuff. This one's worth a read -- and, dare I say, makes me a little bit optimistic regarding our post-Claremont Vignette future!

One more huge thank you to Chris U. for supplying me with this issue -- and saving the Vignettes Project!

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Six (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #26 (1988)
"So Much in Common!"
Writer/Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Art - John Bolton
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #26 (October, 1988)

Okay, here's a weird one.

While some of the stories we've discussed during this project feel like they were something that would'a been slotted as the third or fourth story in an Annual that came up short a few pages... none felt quite so much like that as the one we're about to (attempt to) discuss.

Another way in which this one is odd... if you attempt to read Classic X-Men #26 via Marvel Unlimited... all you're going to get is 2-3 pages of the "main" story (probably the added content), and this back-up in its entirety. Very strange... usually those files are 36 or so pages... this time, however, it was only 16 or so.

Oh well, I suppose if you're really wanting to read X-Men #120... you could just finagle your way through the very user-unfriendly interface of MU and track it down yourself, right?

--

Okay, so this little ditty takes place right after the X-Men return from Canada, where they had their first run-in with Alpha Flight. Well, part of it takes place then -- the rest occurs in a Stampede-flavored Flashback Land, wherein John Bolton evokes the art style of... whozat guy who did that Stanley and his Monster mini I disliked so much? Phil Foglio, izzit? Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong guy -- all's I'm saying is, it's not pleasant to look at, but adequately does the job of telling us it's happening "elsewhen". Anyway, in the "elsewhen", Logan is doing a bit of competitive arm-wrestling -- a racket of sorts being run by "Cracklin' Rosa" at some dive bar in Calgary, Alberta. Just as our man is approached by a big doof called "Lefty", who ironically (?) arm-wrestles with his right-arm, we're snapped back to the "present" -- and we're back in Salem Center's Harry's Pub/Hideaway/Hideout... whatever we're calling it today. There, Logan is sharing this story with Sean and Kurt. Worth noting, Kurt's using his Image Inducer... which, I could'a sworn we read a whole story about him not having to use at Harry's? Handsome tail and what-not, yes?

Anyway, Wolverine claims that Cracklin' Rosa didn't know about him being "special", but still ran the racket and made a bunch of Loonies... or whatever it is that Canadians trade for goods and/or services... on his arms. Back in Flashback Land, Lefty takes his seat... and is beaten pretty quickly by our hairy hero. Lefty accuses Logan (and Rosa) of cheating -- claiming that he must be drinking soda and not alcohol. Well, of course we know that it's alcohol... and we also know why it doesn't affect Logan's focus or ability. Following the bout, Lefty's buddy Turk was sicced on our man. Upon hearing the names "Lefty" and "Turk", Sean-in-the-present recalls having arrested their boss, Vince Borelli during his time in Interpol.

At this point, Scott arrives at Harry's to hang out with the fellas he really doesn't seem to care for all that much. As he sits down, Banshee fills us in on a bit more of his backstory. In the wake of the death of his wife, Maeve, Sean had thrown himself into his work. He'd overheard some chatter from a jewel-thief's son, that would bring him to the Calgary Stampede... and, as it turned out, Cracklin' Rosa's bar.

Sean continues, recalling his arrival at the bar, the hullabaloo and the thick Canadian accents. Sez nobody even noticed him there, since it was Stampede season, and as such, the city'd become kinda tourist-heavy. He listened in on a discussion between Borelli and (a buyer?) Arsene, which was easy to differentiate from the rest of the chatter due to the thick Euro-French twang of Arsene's voice.

Man, this isn't great. Anyway, Wolverine is doin' his thang -- smashing knuckles into the booth. Everyone around him is making betting -- Lefty's shows up and lays down his challenge -- he's beaten, which leads to a full-blown brouhaha. Sean recalls this fight breaking out, and says that it gave him all the distraction he needed to do what he had to. Sean-in-the-past alerts the Fez-wearing-Turk to the fact that his big buddy is currently in a jam. Turk rushes into the fracas... or away from it -- I honestly couldn't tell ya.

Then... the Mounties show up -- and arrest Arsene and Borelli? Not sure why there needed to be a big ol' distraction for any of this... but, I guess dem pages ain't gonna fill 'emselves, right?

Meanwhile, we get another three-friggin-pages (including a full-page spread) of Wolverine pummelling ol' Lefty. He wins, of course, which makes Cracklin' Rosa make even more money that won't work in a United States candy machine -- no matter how many times you try!

We wrap up back at Harry's, where Cyclops comments on how great it is to see two former loners be able to come together and be teammates he's proud to stand alongside of. Wolverine says something about there still being "hope" for Scott yet... which, I think is supposed to be a punchline -- but, if it is -- it's either not a very good one, or I'm just an idiot. Thankfully, we' out.

--

Okay, so who had the "Dagwood Sandwich" on the BINGO card of "crap Chris says way too often"?

This had so many unnecessary layers -- and by "so many", I mean -- there aren't actually many -- but they're all unnecessary! I'm having flashbacks to latter-day Action Comics Daily... where you could just tell they were filling pages because they realized they had to... and not because they necessarily had any stories worth telling. Not to say it's bad -- it's just not all that great.

Maybe that's unfair. I dunno. It is worth noting that this is probably the first Tom Orzechowski story I'd ever read... and according to the Marvel Wiki, the only one he'd ever write (for Marvel, anyway). As a one-and-done, well -- I don't wanna say "we've seen worse", because that would imply that this one was more bad than good. It was just... unnecessary... pointless... and not all that fun to cover.

It's also a bit hard to believe that Sean and Logan were in the same place at the same time... and didn't actually realize it until right now. Then again, this was written a couple'a years before we'd find out that Wolverine knows and has had run-ins with EVERYBODY, so I suppose I can try to suspend my disbelief a bit here.

The art, which we can usually count on to lift a lifeless story up a bit -- was, ya know, half-good. When Bolton's on... he's on. He not only inked his own work (which he usually does), but colored it as well. For the "present day" segment, it was really good. The Foglio-esque flashbacks, however, not my cuppa tea. I assume I'm in the minority in not appreciating the "Foglio-style" -- though, I always assume I'm part of a minority opinion... so, that ain't saying much. All's I'm saying is, the flashbacks were painful to look at... while also being a chore to read.

Not a great outing -- but, I gotta admit that it's pretty cool that a longtime X-Men letterer was able to leave a narrative mark on the lore.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Five (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #25 (1988)
"Just Don't Look in Its Eyes"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #25 (September, 1988)

I was considering starting off today on a snarkier-than-normal note... because, honestly -- these pre-rambles are starting to just flow together, ya know? But... ehh, I'll just tamp whatever it is that's on my mind down, so we can get into our third-Claremontless Vignette.

I think when we covered the Jo Duffy "fill-in" Vignettes, I mentioned that she wrote as though she'd been bitten by a radioactive Chris Claremont. Well, if that's the case, Ann Nocenti must've been bitten by two!

Let's do it!

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We open with Wolverine on a side-mission for Central... not to be confused with Control. He's in his blue 'n yellows, and he's about to dynamite a building... barracks... bunkers... who the hell knows? If I'm not mistaken, it looks like he's killing people though, which I'm not sure is the best look. I think his ultimate goal here is to destroy data and secret information... but, we're seeing some poor fellows sleeping in bunks as well. Oh well. Anyway, after complaining-in-Claremontian about how short'a fuse Central uses on their boom-sticks, our hero lights the thing -- and blows up the joint. Ya know, he wasn't kidding about the short-fuse... he's actually caught up in the blast, and thrown into a nearby snowdrift... flamin' and nekkid (name of your porno).

While Wolvie regains his druthers, we zoom out and see that there's a hunter in the distance. While our man is worried about all sort of beastie that he might run into in the snow-covered plains, he doesn't even consider that be might come across a hunter's sights. Now, the Hunter... is kind of an a-hole. Considering this is an Ann Nocenti story, I'm honestly surprised his little intro doesn't come with his voting record and how much he (doesn't) pay in taxes.

As he peers around the area... he winds up setting his crosshairs on something truly spectacular indeed. Something he's planning to kill.

The next several pages of this truly essential story feature Wolverine realizing that he's being tailed... because, heightened senses, ya see. We also get a bit of insight to truly ingratiate us to the hunter. He's a product of his upbringing... who initially didn't seem to be all that interested in the "sport" of hunting. F'r instance, he recalls killing his first deer... and thinks about its sad and trusting eyes -- before correcting himself, calling the deer stupid... and nothing more than meat. To further drive the point home that the Hunter and Wolverine see things differently (as if that's even needed), they both see the same eagle flying overhead. The Hunter sees it as a target, Logan sees it as beautiful.

Then -- as the cover suggests, Wolverine is attacked by a bear... which he spends a couple of pages fighting and ultimately killing. Here's another difference between our man and the Hunter -- he feels bad about having to "put down" the bear... as, it's, ya know -- just a bear, doing bear things. Wonder how those fellas sleeping in the bunks of that building Logan just blew up feel (err, felt) about that?

As our man walks, slump-shouldered, away from the bear he'd just slaughtered -- he can feel the Hunter's presence. Our baddie has decided to trade his rifle for a bow and arrow... because, sure, why not? He takes aim at Logan... and lets loose an arrow -- which, our hero catches (???) and throws back at the Hunter, which such force it goes right through his left knee? Wha? That's something Wolverine can do? Okay. From here -- oh, wait -- we must be outta pages, because the story just stops.

--

So... okay. I get what Nocenti's going for here. Hell, I pretty much always know what Nocenti's going for in her stories -- they just don't often connect with me the way they're probably supposed to.

This feels like it's supposed to be some sort of parable or commentary on the nature of man vs. beast -- and how man places themselves above the various "lesser-critters" in the wild. How underestimating, selling short, or just plain not appreciating such a critter might lead to your undoing -- which, appears to be the case for our new friend, who we'll call A. Hole Hunter. Not to be confused with an actual A-hole Hunter, cuz that's a whole different comic book.

It's... well, it's not great. Feels like we wasted a lot of time and effort to get to whatever point Nocenti was trying to make here -- so much so that the story just stops cuz we're outta pages. Like, did we really need the opening bit with Wolverine blowing up that building? Did we need to learn the Hunter's backstory? I mean, don't get me wrong, it allowed Bolton to give us some great visuals -- but, as a story, it's kind of a dud.

Was Wolverine blowing up and killing Central's targets supposed to offer up some sort of juxtapositional comparison with him regretfully killing that hungry bear? I mean, it's not the most novel bit of writing to suggest that humans are a blight -- unless, of course, you've just discovered "creative writing"... and you're in eighth grade. Is that what this is? I dunno. Is it some triteness about nature vs. nurture? The Hunter does talk about how he was raised to think of animals as less than majestic... and ultimately, just "meat". Dunno.

I suppose we might assume that after this story end... er, stops... the Hunter is killed by whatever manner of beastie is left stalking the area? Post-blast, Logan suggests he might run afoul of a bobcat or something -- maybe he's just evening the playing field here? Again... I dunno.

Finally, should we even bother talking about Wolverine catching a friggin' arrow and hurling it back -- so hard that it embeds itself in the Hunter's knee? Nah, let's not.

Overall -- this was pretty to look at.

Oh, by the way -- Claremont's gonna be gone until #29... which, if I'm not mistaken will be his last Vignette. We're primarily in Nocenti-Land now. Hope we surv-- oh, nevermind.