Action Comics #568 (1985)

Action Comics #568 (June, 1985)
"Disappearing Act!"
"The Amazing Matchmaker of Metropolis!"
Writers - Elliot S! Maggin & Craig Boldman
Pencillers - Curt Swan & Howard Bender
Inkers - Al Williamson & Alex Nino
Letterers - Ed King & Ben Oda
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75

Gonna start off today by extending a big thanks to joecab for pointing me in the direction of some more fun Craig Boldman Action Comics stories!  Today we'll be covering one of them.  It's funny looking at this cover, you'd think that the Matchmaker story would be the main one... but, nope, it's just the back-up!  I'm guessing this was not an uncommon occurrence, as the Ambush Bug back-up we discussed late last month also got the front cover treatment.  Couldn't imagine anything like that happening today...

--

We open up with an Amtrak "Windbreaker Express" train about to run off the rails after the tracks are taken out by an asteroid (?).  It's lucky for the passengers that Superman was in the vicinity... as he hoists the train over the gap in tracks and ensures their continued safe travels.  Among the passengers is famed magician, Jinx Turner.

The next morning, the train safely arrives at it's destination... Metropolis.  Clark Kent is among the members of the press present to solicit comments from the passengers.  Clark recognizes Jinx, and attempts to pry a comment from him.  The magician shuts Clark down flat, saying he's only in town to perform an act at the Children's Benefit Show.

We shift scenes to an oddly forgetful Perry White taking his grandchildren to a certain Magic show.  He drops them off in the parking lot, and leaves to pick up his wife and Clark.

On stage, Jinx Turner performs all the classic illusions one would expect... all leading up to his climax, conjuring an elephant!  A task that would prove too difficult for this illusionist... as his trick platform appears to be on the fritz!

Boo!

Shortly, Clark and the Whites return.  Along the way, Perry exhibits more signs of forgetfulness.  They are surprised to find that the show appears to be over... and all of the children are gone!  Clark approaches a sulking Jinx to find out what's up.  Jinx reveals that he was focusing so intently on conjuring the elephant, that he'd inadvertently caused the audience to vanish!  Ya see, Jinx is a real magician... posing as a "show" magician.  Okay...

Halfway across the globe, the children find themselves outside an Indian palace (?).  They are suddenly chased by an elephant... so I guess ol' Jinxy showed them one after all!  After witnessing the elephant to run headlong into the palace's protective wall, the kids run to the palace gate, and are granted access by a guard... 

Back in Metropolis, Jinx is displaying his true magic prowess for the Whites and Clark by making some "Golden" Milk disappear... ew.  Clark realizes that Superman is needed, and so fires some heat vision into a cloud to make it look as though Superman is flying overhead... which serves as the perfect (though ridiculous) distraction... he then hops in Perry's car to "give chase".

Moments later Superman arrives, alone.  He claims CK was pulled over by the police for speeding.  He gives Jinx a scan and finds a "Krilian Trail" that will lead them where the children have been sent.  He grabs a fear-of-flying Jinx and heads India way.

Back at the palace, the Majarajah is showing Perry White III his chemistry set.  He claims that he summoned them there to help shoo away the rogue elephant from outside.  Apparently, it has been long threatening the palace... and Majah wants it gone-ski.  While Perry Jr. Jr. is getting a closer look at a bottle of anti-locust formula, the elephant rocks the walls and White finds himself covered with the "gooey junk".

Superman arrives and proceeds to stomp his foot until the elephant lumbers away.  It is ultimately revealed that the anti-locust formula from inside the palace was driving the beast crazy.  Superman goes ahead and... sucks all the air out of the elephant's trunk... ew.  He tells the Maharajah to deep-six the chemistry set so that peace can return to the land.

Feel like I should censor this one...

The kids are all loaded onto a Metropolis-bound plane, and Superman and Jinx meet up with the Whites as they wait at the airport.  As we close, Superman recognizes that Perry White's memory illness is something not even he can help with.

Now, for the story we/I came for.  Jimmy Olsen: Metropolis Matchmaker.  We open with Superman nyoinking young Olsen from out of the Daily Planet offices at the Galaxy Building.  He's expecting a Legion of Super-Heroes villain to arrive, and wants Jimmy present for the photo-op.

Just like clockwork the future thief arrives, right on the putting green of a local golf course.  He thinks he's a tough fella, and gives Superman a helluva punch.  It's not long before Superman takes him out though... the thief activates his force-field, and Superman uses his heat vision to turn it into a sort of microwave oven.  The day (and future!) is saved!

Superman takes the thief and flies off... accidentally dropping one of the thief's briefcases.  Jimmy snags the case, files his story at the Planet and heads off for his date with Fifi.  Fifi, however, has other plans.  She's got a date with her old friend Bradley... she's sure Jimmy understands.

Poor cuckolded Jimmy heads back to his lonely pad and... begins playing with the device the future thief dropped.  It appears to come equipped with a headband... so what does our Jimmy do?  Well, he puts it on of course!  With it, he sees a vision of a Metropolis corner where he knows he must go.  Once there, he is shocked to come face to face with his one true love... Archie Andrews!  er, I mean, Jenny Crocker.  Honest mistake... Either way, it appears that Jimmy's exploits are being watched from the shadows

The next day, Jimmy reports to the Daily Planet office to tell Lois and Clark about his discovery.  He even goes as far as to suggest he open his own dating service "Dream Dates, Inc." (currently a Michigan-based company... or, an organic date farm).  He wants to zap Lois and Clark with his headband and find their perfect mates.  Lois goes first.  The trio are directed to a sleazy diner in town, where Lois' dream date is apparently a hobo!  Nah, it's really undercover cop Preston Chandler, who blows his cover to flash both his badge and pearly whites!  Jimmy and Clark drop Lois off at the Galaxy Building, and once again... it appears as though Jimmy's being watched.

Now it's Clark's turn.  He and Jimmy are directed to the Metropolis Public Library, where Clark is drawn to a very "Clark Kent type" librarian called Mindy.  He goes all "gosh, yer purty" and they plan themselves a dinner date.  

Outside a bit later, a helicopter is getting dangerously close to a blimp... Clark and Mindy both take flee the scene... moments later, Superman and... Nova-Woman both arrive to save the day!  Clearly, Superman's found himself a Super-mate.

That night there's a triple date, featuring Lois and Preston, Clark and Mindy, and Jimmy and Archie Jenny.  Jimmy finally notices that he's being followed.

The stalker is revealed to be a member of the Science Police from the 30th century, and she wants the device back.  We learn that the device is not a love-finder, but in actuality, a thought-actualizer... ruh roh, it just showed our trio what they wanted to see.  Dream dates, indeed!  The Science Cop hops into a time bubble and leaves... and our Planeteers mates vanish into thin air.  We close out this silly story with the Daily Planet newsroom looking more like a lonely hearts club.

--

The very definition of a mixed bag.  The main story was pretty blah... luckily the back-up story more than made up for it.  

The magician story was the kind of story that made me shy away from DC Comics in my youth.  Just felt like it didn't matter.  Even just post-Crisis I couldn't see them publishing something so... I dunno, unremarkable (?)... Outside of Perry White's apparent onset dementia, this could have been published back in the mid 70's and I wouldn't have been able to tell.

Speaking of Perry White... it is interesting that they added a dementia/Alzheimer's twist to him.  I gotta wonder if this was part of the long-term planning for the character, or if this was just a result of the Crisis being in the offing, and perhaps DC taking an "all bets are off" approach with a soon-to-be-reintroduced supporting cast.  Either way, it is interesting... and has potential.

Curt Swan's art here is about what you picture when you think of Swan art.  Very good stuff, though not terribly exciting.  The Howard Bender art in the back-up is a bit of a mix as well.  Certain panels look great, and I really dug the look of Nova-Woman... however, Jimmy look shifted from the deformed kid from Mask to Sloth from The Goonies... not Jimmy's best day.

Yeah, guess I didn't need to sleep tonight...

The Matchmaker story was a hoot.  This, like the main tale would've been one of those "run into the waiting arms of Marvel" stories in my youth... however, upon reading it today, I really dug it!  Sure it was silly, and weird... but that's not really a bad thing.

I appreciated the reveal of what the "love-finder" actually was.  It was quite telling that Superman's dream girl would have been another Meta (yeah, I know they weren't called that yet), perhaps due to him feeling she would be the safest romantic partner.  A woman who could take care of herself, and one he may relate to.  Jimmy's pick of a... well, female Jimmy was a bit weird... but Jimmy's a weird dude.  Most interestingly, Lois' dream man was one that had an undercover secret identity... hmmm... that's a really cool touch!

Definitely check this one out, for the backup story!  Thanks again to joecab for the recommendation!

--

Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads:

Action Comics #566 (1985)

Action Comics #566 (April, 1985)
"Traumas in the Bahamas!"
"With Love from Superman!"
Writers - Craig Boldman & Mindy Newell
Pencillers - Ron Randall & Howard Bender
Inkers - Karl Kesel & Bob Oksner
Letterers - Ben Oda & Milt Snapinn
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75

I'm surprised how much I'm digging these pre-Crisis Action Comics issues.  I'd have never thought I'd get all that much out of them.  Still wanted to have them, because I'm a compulsive avid comics hoarder collector, but didn't think I'd actually get around to tearing into them.

This one's quite interesting so let's get right to it... toot toot!

--

Lois and Clark have been invited on a free pleasure cruise of the Bahamas by old acquaintance Captain Strong.  After a flight to the coast, they are greeted by a fellow that would gladly pay them Tuesday, for a Hamburger today.  Meet J. Wellington Jones, the owner of the Fantasia cruise liner.  

Well blow me down!  On board, we meet up with Popeye and Olive Oyl... er, Captain and Olivia Strong.  Clark notes a gleam in Strong's one open eye that makes him a bit nervous.  Captain Strong is granted his strength by eating an alien seaweed called spi-- er, sauncha.

After setting sail, we get our usual scene of Clark changing clothes... however, he's not changing into his "dress blues", instead he's rocking his Bermuda shorts... which Lois teases him about.  After a brief chat with their hosts, Clark excuses himself to get a better look at a nearby island.

We shift scenes to a small island hut.  Inside there's a witch and a shadowy man watching the Fantasia via binoculars.  The man "smells trouble" and asks the witch to sink the ship... and so, she wakes a giant slumbering stingray and instructs it to strike... and it does!

Clark, not dressed for the occasion has to pretend to be thrown overboard by the wild sea.  Once in the drink, Clark proceeds to beat down the stingray and send it on its way.  Unfortunately, Captain Strong had witnessed the entire event!

Thinking on his feet, Clark quickly zips into the galley and retrieves a bunch of cans of spinach (seriously).  He proceeds to drape it all over himself to make it seem as though he'd been temporarily given super-powers by way of sauncha.  Popeye tells Clark to hit the sack, as sauncha withdrawals are a bear... he than orders his crew to haul in the rest of the green stuff.

Strong eats some of the spinach, and thinking he's been granted powers, decides to push the ship.  Lucky for him, Superman is now underneath the ship giving him the assist.

A little later, Strong reveals the true nature of this cruise to Lois.  He produces the diary of Captain Wynne, a man who was seeking the Fountain of Youth.  After a brief Ponce de Leon related history lesson, he shares his intention of finding it himself.  Superman is watching and listening from overhead, and notices Captain Strong palm a photograph from the diary... a thirty-year old photo, with a very similarly-aged Captain Strong... hmm, maybe he's already found the Fountain of Youth???

Suddenly, the weather started getting rough... and the cruise ship's getting tossed.  Strong, who may just be an addict, swallows a mouthful of the phony sauncha and hops into action.  Superman again gives the assist to make it look as though Strong is saving the day.

After the storm passes, Strong is lamenting the fact that he'll never find the Fountain.  Lois notices that the table that Wimpy is pigging out on is decorated with a map... well, wouldn'tcha know it... there's a map... and an X marking a spot!

Strong orders a rowboat lowered and Clark Kent awakened (Clark was still supposed to be sleeping???), and they head toward the isle of Andros... with another CK assist.

Once on shore, Captain Strong separates from the group to go off ahead.  Clark guides the rest inland and they happen upon a hot spring and a lonely hut... but, they are not alone.  Olivia faints at the sight of a gun-wielding... Captain Strong... and a witch... but she's probably more shocked about her husband pointing a gun at her.

Lois, Clark, Olivia, and Wimpy are tied to a tree, and the witch prepares a potion to "deal with" the trespassing pleasure cruisers.  Clark gives the tonic a blast of heat vision, causing it to catch fire.  Captain Strong panics, and throws the flaming jar into the nearby hot spring.

As soon as it his the water, Strong appears to have aged several decades... and, we are then joined by... Captain Strong?  Yup, this old man is Poopdeck Pappy, Captain Strong Sr... and, get this, that hot spring was the Fountain of Youth.  Pappy shares his tale of discovery, and meeting the witch.

In an act of desperation, the witch summons forth a Superman-Wraith!  This causes (the still tied to a tree) Clark's strength to be sapped... this is one fight Captain Strong is going to have to win on his own!  So, what does he do?  Yup, eats the spinach... again.

Since the witch is in the middle of turning into dust, the Superman construct is not long for this world.  Strong socks the wraith and he vanishes.  Strong unties his friends, and promises to take his pappy... Pappy to Metropolis so's he can teach him how to acts like an old geezer!  How embarriskin!

In our back-up, we are introduced to the hottest super team in DC Comics history, the Autograph Hounds!  The watch in awe as Superman flies overhead, and talk about how cool it would be to add him to their autograph books.  A girl within earshot, named Molly bets that she could get his John Hancock.  The bet is on, Molly's got one-week to get it.  If she's successful, she can be a card-carrying member of the Autograph Hounds.

That night, Molly (in her awesomely 80's bedroom) pens a letter to Superman, care of the Daily Planet.  Her mother promises to drop it in the mail.

That night, Molly dreams that she is Supergirl!  Even though she's in costume, everybody seems to know who she is... guess that's dreams for you!  Anyways, she sees Superman locked in battle with a very pre-Crisis Lex Luthor, and flies in to lend a hand.

The two Supers make short work of Luthor, and when the dust settles Supergirl acts like a total newb and asks Superman for his autograph.  Jeez really, Molly... be cool.

The next day in study hall, Molly's mind wanders again.  This time she's not Supergirl, she's actually Lois Lane in need of Superman to save her... which he does.  After the rescue, she again asks for an autograph... you'd figure Lois already has Superman's autograph...

Meanwhile, we check in on the man himself... as he reads his fan mail.  I love that he reads it through the envelope using his x-ray vision!  He comes across Molly's missive, and finds it especially touching.  She, like he, is an orphan.

We shift to a week later.  It's time for Molly to put up or shut up.  The Hounds come a'calling, and are just about to ball her out, when the Man of Steel arrives.  He's more than happy to give Molly his autograph... using his heat vision even!  They embrace, and I would assume Molly takes her rightful place as a member... nay, as leader of the Autograph Hounds... hopefully detroning the boy with the missing teeth!  That's a punchable face if ever I saw one... probably why he's missing the teeth!

--

A couple of really fun stories here.  Silly and very enjoyable.  I'd heard whispers of Captain Strong here and there, but this is my first real encounter with the chap.  I guess this is as close as we're going to get to a Superman/Popeye team-up... and I suppose if I'm being honest, that's probably a good thing.  It was fun, but, it was about all's I could stands... I can't stands no more!

The art here is from one of the greats, Ron Randall.  He's responsible for the art on probably my favorite comic book ever produced, and he does a fantastic job here as well!  In my opinion, Lois Lane can be a real hit or miss prospect when it comes to the way she's drawn... Randall knocks it outta the park here.

This is another Craig Boldman script.  The last time I discussed an issue of his, I mentioned that I would have to keep my eyes peeled for more of his work.  I'm glad I said that, because he's two-for-two on the humble blog.  He's a great storyteller, and cares enough about the readership to share the location of the fabled Fountain of Youth!

You're welcome!

The Popeye characters all look great in their DC-ified forms.  They look just Popeye enough to where they're recognizable, but not exaggeratedly cartoony... I suppose there's another "thumbs up" for Mr. Randall.  In fact, when I first looked at the cover I thought "Hey, that guy kinda looks like Popeye..." I wasn't sure it was meant to look like him until I checked out the roll-call. 

The backup story, at first blush looked like a groaner... but wound up being rather touching.  I shouldn't have been surprised, given it was penned by Mindy Newell... whose work on the 1986 Lois Lane miniseries was something I'd gushed quite a bit about a few months back.  This one could've been hokey... and I suppose, depending on your mileage, it might be... but I yam what I yam, and I really thought it was a nice little story.

All told, a fine issue of pre-Crisis Action Comics, a conversation-piece, and definitely worth your time.  Ah-ga-ga-gah!

--

Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads: