Action Comics #563 (January, 1985)
"Black Beauty"
"Mr. Mxyzptlk, Media Star!"
"Jimmy Olsen--Blob!"
Writers - Keith Giffen, Robert Loren Fleming, E. Nelson Bridwell & Craig Boldman
Pencillers - Keith Giffen, Alex Saviuk & Howard Bender
Inkers - Bob Oksner, Dennis Jensen & Pablo Marcos
Colorist - Anthony Tollin
Letterers - John Costanza, Ben Oda & Milt Snapinn
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75
Well, yesterday I announced my intent to cover one-hundred issues of Action Comics before the release of Action Comics #1000 (on April 18, 2018)... and, folks seem to be pretty keen on the idea!
Lemme tell ya, that was a relief. I was halfway expecting a "Oh boy, this idiot's going to be talking about Superman until Spring...", but the response I received was all positive... even got some suggestions for issues to cover... one of which, we'll be chatting up today.
This suggestion comes from R.T. David... and it's a doozy! Three wild pre-Crisis stories (that sorta evoke the Silver-Age) in an issue I just recently found. I nabbed this during one of my first post-move bin-dives... which is likely why I forgot all about it. I mean, just take a look at that cover... that's not an issue you're likely to forget you've got in your collection!
Sooo... let's get down to it. Big thanks to R.T. and everyone who offered suggestions, I already have them pulled and ready to run! Tomorrow we'll be covering a very special Guy Gardner issue.
To everyone, thanks for joining me on this Action-packed journey... and remember, if there are any issues you want me to ruin cover, just lemme know! If you want to see if I already covered it, just click the handy Action Comics 100 icon to the right ->
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Our first story opens with our old friend Ambush Bug trying to repair a little "baby bug". He's got the TV news on in the background... which includes, the tragic news that Chuckles the Clown has passed away! Didn't even know he was sick! Anyhoo, A. Bug keeps fiddling away at the baby bug... but winds up triggering some electrical discharge, blowing the poor thing to bits! He then finds that he's changed color... first to pink... then to black?!
Black? How can that be... he was nowhere near the Secret Wars! I love that this gag was included. Gotta tell ya, the hardest part about covering an Ambush Bug story is the fact that I want to include every gag!
Not wanting to face the world in his new duds, our man pops into a costume shop... and buys a cartoon horse outfit! Well, I guess in some places that might be less conspicuous than a black Ambush Bug costu-- oh, f'rget it!
Across town, a man is trying to steal a television set from an apartment. Well, since this is Metropolis, you gotta figure Superman's on the case. The would-be robber is not terribly pleased to see the Man of Steel... and fakes motion sickness to avoid being flown away. That is, until the "Rogue Horse" pops into the scene! So freaked out was the robber, he hops into Superman's arms... and is totally cool with turning himself in. At this point, Superman and Ambush Bug have themselves a little chat.
What we're about to cover is the secret origin of the Bug. Ya see, there was once a man named Brum-El who lived on the planet Schwab. One day he broke a chain letter (the same one Jor-El of Krypton broke, actually)... and the planet was doomed! And so, Brum-El built a rocket... and decided to save his... clothes. Also on board the ship was... a giant radioactive spider!
The ship crashed atop a building in Metropolis... where in one of the apartments our man Irwin dwelt. He broke himself away from the television to check on the ruckus... and discovered a suit. Since he never had a suit (but always wanted one) he decided to... er, adopt it.
Back on Schwab... the countdown to destruction is on. Turns out the chain letter's warning didn't really pan out. Brum-El sacrificed his entire wardrobe... for nothing!
Superman ain't impressed and flies away commenting how dumb Ambush Bug's origin story was... before, well... you know, putting two and two together.
Our second story stars ol' Mxy... who really wants to be a star! During a meeting at the Galaxy Building, Clark Kent overhears the arrival of the thorn in his side... and engages in some old-fashioned super-ventriloquism in order to distract and "supe up".
Superman heads into Morgan Edge's office to find that Mxy's turned the place upside down. Before Superman can act, Mxyzptlk zips out. Our man wishes they'd instead been visited by Mr. Kltpzyxm... Mxy's Bizarro double who only does good deeds! This'll be important later.
Clark brainstorms a way to get Mxy to bug back to the Fifth Dimension... and decides to offer him a talent contract from Galaxy Communications... with his name written backwards on it! Well... it turns out that Mxy ixnayed the ackwardsbay itingwray. No matter how many times Clark tries... he can't write the Imp's name backwards. He checks with Lois... who is also incapable of writing anything backwards!
We shift scenes to later that evening where Lois and Clark attend the premiere of Galaxy's latest blockbuster. Turns out this most definitely isn't the "director's cut" of the film... as Mxy now has a co-starring role!
Superman attempts to interject... but winds up just flying through the screen. Whoops. Elsewhere, Morgan Edge is about to... er, get down with his bad self with some good old-fashioned pornography. Boy is he in for a surprise when the centerfold is... well, you know... Mr. Mxyzptlk.
Turns out Mxy's really serious about being a pop-culture phenomenon. Good thing there was no such thing as online social media back in 1985! Anyhoo, we shift into a montage... and can see that the Imp has caused all sorts of mischief inserting himself into all kinds of events.
Finally, Clark has a plan! Superman and Morgan Edge approach Mxy with... a contract... a legit one. They also have him read over the poster they produced for his brand-new show. A poster which claims that Mxyptlk is greater than his Bizarro double, Kltpzyxm. Pop!
Our third and final story concerns Superman's Pal. We open with Superman hauling away a glass globe... inside which, is a freckly blob. I wonder who that might be? Well, I suppose that's a silly question considering the title of the story, eh?
Now the question remains... how did Jimmy Olsen turn into a blob? Well, it turns out earlier that day he went to the museum to retrieve many of his adventure artifacts. Things like his Elastic Lad serum... and a, er... "glowing paperweight" from the planet Ravager. Hopefully not that Ravager. Anyhoo, he bores Lois with his trinkets during an elevator ride.
Once outside, Jimmy notices a little girl falling from an apartment window. Acting fast, he takes a swig of Elastic-serum... only, it transforms him into... well, a blob. He is still able to save the child by breaking her fall.
Passers by, however, think the blob was trying to attack the girl... and proceed to pelt him with garbage. So far it's just a regular day in the life of James Olsen, right?
It isn't long before a full-on mob assembles around our boy... including Lois Lane, who... seeing Jimmy's clothes strewn about believes that the blob must've eaten him! Well, stands to reason...
Jimblob manages to escape the unruly masses by slipping into the... alligator-infested Metropolis sewers. I mean, what? Are we supposed to believe that the sewer-system of Metropolis is teeming with 'gators? Underworlders, sure... but alligators? C'mon. Anyhoo, Jimmy is able to escape again... and actually makes himself useful by scaring some battery thieves.
After that, Jimmy... get this... decides to pick up his date for the evening... as a boy blob. Really. Suffice it to say, she's not too keen on this idea.
Dejected and rejected, Jimblob returns to the streets... where he finds himself surrounded by police officers... with their guns drawn. Luckily, Superman finally wanders by... and loads the blob into the bubble from the open.
He brings him to a far-off planet... and it begins to downpour. Before he (or we) knows it, he's changed from annoyingly ugly blob back to a annoyingly ugly boy. Superman reveals that while Jimmy's artifacts were in the museum... the Ravager paperweight must have let off some radiation... which somehow fouled the Elastic-Serum (and probably everyone who went to visit the exhibit!).
We wrap up with Superman (and Pal) returning home.
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Now this... was a blast!
It's so weird... if an issue like this were to come out today, it would be looked at as something of a "throwaway". Probably because we don't get too many "done in one's" these days... if this were to come out, it would likely be cutting into an ongoing story. I think back to that odd issue of Action Comics (vol.2) that was all Bizarro from a few years back (2015?)... that felt so out of place, and not in a good way.
With all that said... this was great! I think we started off hot with the Ambush Bug story... and went down from there. So, let's start our discussion by chatting up the weakest (in my opinion) of the three stories... the Jimmy Olsen one.
Maybe it's just my knee-jerk bias to Jimmy Olsen... but I definitely had the least amount of fun following his blobby adventure. He just comes across as so annoying. I mean, even as a blob... he still manages to have a "punchable" face!
I feel like this was the most Silver-Agey of the three stories presented... so it's hard to actually get mad at it. I'll just say that it wasn't as fun as the other two, and move on.
The Mxy story, however, was a bit more fun. The other day we talked about how writers would have to be a bit creative in how they used the Yellow Peri's powers. They'd need to come up with a sort of "monkey's paw" result to her magic spells to make her something of an unwitting foil. That sort of creativity needs to be present when coming up with ways to get Mxy to say his name backwards. We've covered him before on the humble blog... and it never ceases to surprise me when a writer is able to "pull it off" in a fun way.
Here, we get a mention of Mxy's Bizarro double... which presents Superman with a loophole in which he can write the Imp's name backwards... without actually writing a backwards word! Pretty sneaky, Supes.
The definitely highlight (at least for me) would have to be the Ambush Bug opener. So whacked out... and so much fun. This story pulls no punches, and doesn't pretend to take itself too seriously.
From Ambush Bug talking "jive"... to an E.D. joke... to a Secret Wars mention... and a gag at Superman's origin's expense... this was a story you have to see to truly appreciate. Honestly, the opening story was so much fun, it could've been followed up by sixteen blank pages... and I'd still recommend you track down this issue!
It doesn't look like this issue is available digitally... however, if you're down for just the Ambush Bug story (and don't mind black and white art), the opener is included in SHOWCASE Presents: Ambush Bug (which looks to be, unfortunately out of print... but shouldn't be too terribly hard to track down). It might just be easier to track down this issue... any way you do it, I'd recommend that you do... it!
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Letters Page (featuring The Mad Maple!) in which they discuss Action Comics #559:
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Action Comics #567 (May, 1985)
"Peri(l) in Paradise!"
"The League of Superman Watchers!"
Writers - Bob Rozakis & Michael J. Wolff
Pencillers - Kurt Schaffenberger & Alex Saviuk
Inkers - Dave Hunt & Dennis Jensen
Letterers - Ben Oda & Bob Lappan
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75
Had so much fun "meeting" the Yellow Peri yesterday... I figure why not keep it going?
I became curious enough yesterday to check the DC Wikia and see how many appearances this young lady made... and found that... welp, there weren't all that many! I also found that... outside of the New Adventures of Superboy issues that introduced her... I've pretty much got all of em! My not knowing that ought to tell you just how large and unruly my "to read" pile(s) are.
Anyhoo... we're going to jump nearly a year later than the story we read yesterday and check in with our favorite gal... and third or fourth favorite Alvin.
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We open in Coaltown... which we'll assume is in reference to an actual town in Pennsylvania (that may or may not be called "Coaltown"). It's here that Superman is being honored for extinguishing an underground coal fire and saving the entire town. Lois Lane has been sent to cover the event for the Planet... and doesn't seem terribly happy to be there. The Coaltowners erect a statue of Superman... made of coal. To ensure people can see it from far and wide, Superman super-heats the thing and encases it in an airless glass canister so it glows a bright red.
After the ceremony, Superman offers to fly Lois home... knowing full well that she has other business nearby. Kind of a silly thing to do... but whatever gets ya the "good guy points" I guess. We learn that next up on both Lois and Clark's agendas is a visit to another Pennsylvania town where weird stuff is afoot. They are to pose as a married couple and look into a real estate scam. Perry White is very adamant that they do so... and has (for reasons that are never explained) instructed them both several times over.
And so, we jump ahead to Paradise Pines, Pennsylvania where Lois and Clark meet up and prepare for their little real estate sting. As they pull in, we see some very familiar faces... why, it's Alvin and Loretta York!
Big Al's the man behind the scam, and immediately goes into salesman mode. He has Loretta encase the foursome in a climate control bubble... and then makes it snow outside. Gotta say, this is probably the best way to "experience" snow. I ran into my first snow in about twenty years last month... and good God, that stuff's cold!
Anyhoo... since this is the Yellow Peri... every spell comes with a bit of trouble. As she "shuts down" her exhibition... the snow melts, causing a terrible flood! Didn't see that coming!
Clark uses the distraction of... ya know, everyone nearly drowning, to "supe-up". Once in uniform he uses his super-breath to freeze the water... with Alvin precariously inside it... which seems a bit risky, don't it? He frees the geek then carries the ice off where it can safely turn into rain.
Once the dust (and waters) settle... we move on to the Yorks' next trick. Here in Pleasant Pines... you can plant a seed in the morning... and eat what you planted for lunch! Lois, Clark, and the rest pick their produce and proceed to picnic under the pines (imagine how much I might've spit if I said that out loud!). Lois, oddly, doesn't seem to have much of a problem with the use of magic to make plants grow... after all, it's not "illegal".
We rejoin the gang as they chomp away... and suddenly, Clark is overwhelmed by a strange urge... to tell the truth! And so, he removes his shirt... revealing to the group that he is Superman! He then admits to being in love with Lois Lane... and proposes marriage! Also worth noting, Alvin admits that his entire deal is a con game! There must be something in the produce!
The Yellow Peri is overwhelmed by the romance... and goes to hug her husband... who admits that he only married her to win a bet! And, the only reason he stuck around is to exploit her magical powers. Moments later, Superman arrives... with a Justice of the Peace under his arm... and the wedding is underway! Boy howdy, is it romantic!
Before the JoP can officially declare Lois and Superman to be man and wife, the Yellow Peri admits that she's in love with Superman... and won't allow anyone else to be his bride! Suddenly, the fruits and vegetables begin exploding... and so, Superman springs to action. Lois, realizing she'll never be Superman's first priority calls off the wedding. Wow, we're not wasting any time, are we?
What follows is Superman fighting tomatoes... and shielding the crowd from explosive popcorn. It's somehow even sillier than I'm making it sound. The Yellow Peri tosses her spellbook at Alvin, but Superman is able to intercept. He goes to throw it into the Sun... but finds that the tome is stuck to his hand!
Paradise Pines is soon overtaken by giant roots... and Superman still can't get rid of the book. He attempts to destroy it using his heat-vision... but that doesn't work either. Alvin runs up to grab the book... but gets blown away for his efforts.
Superman (somehow) deduces that if he can coat the book in lead... it would cancel out the spell, and everything will go back to normal. Only problem being... he still can't let go of the thing. So... he digs a hole revealing Galena Ore (the main ore of lead, donchaknow)... with which he wipes the book. Bada-bing bada-boom, everything's coolio.
Everyone and every-thing returns to normal... and nobody remembers why they're hanging out in this weird Pennsylvania lot. Lois and Clark head home... without a story... and also, without that spellbook. Will the Yellow Peri come back? Well... not for like twenty years...
Our back-up story... because (sigh) there is one... opens in the apartment of a Mr. Philip Strick... a man who desperately wants to join "The League of Superman Watchers". The, uh, what now?
The League of Superman Watchers! A group of grown people who are enamored by Superman. A group, that Clark Kent speaks to like... all the time. He's been their guest speaker a whole bunch of times.
After his presentation, Clark chats up... some guy, perhaps the Chairman of the League of Superman Watchers (imagine having that title on a business card!). Clark inquires about... Philip Strick... and it's here that we learn that our LoSW hopeful is... blind! Seems like the League of Superman Watchers might be a bit "ableist".
We shift back to Strick's pad, where his Superman diagnostic computer... thing is interfering with the television signal of his next-door neighbor.
The ne'er do well neighbor heads over to give the poor blind man a piece of his mind... but before he can, he overhears just what he's up to. Turns out our man has nearly deduced Superman's secret identity!
Superman peeks in to check on Strick... and is shocked at the progress the man has made. He's even more shocked to discover that his next-door neighbor is nogoodnik Walter Perkins... who is also hard at work cracking the Superman case.
Superman ponders his next move. He could simply squash the proceedings, but that would ruin any chance Strick has of joining the League. I dunno, Superman... I think you should risk it. Anyhoo... he heads off to talk to that League Chairm... er, President to discuss strategy. Meanwhile, Perkins is off trying to sell his secret to "Boss" Sweeney.
Luckily, Sweeney ain't buyin' what Perkins is selling... and kicks him out of his office. I'm guessing the Superman Watchers just flooded him with fake "leads" on Superman's civilian identity? Maybe? Enraged, Perkins heads back to the apartment with all intentions of beating up his blind neighbor. Unfortunately for him, Superman is there... and, everything works out... I guess? I dunno... this ending doesn't really stick the landing for me. I guess what's important is Philip Strick joins the Watchers.
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You ever spent an entire night cramming for a test you have to take the next morning? All this information... maybe half of it makes a lick of sense... and you just know that by morning, most of it will have evacuated your brain?
That's kinda the story of Action Comics #567. We have a pair of "ehh" stories... with so much weird and half-explained information... and I really can't make much sense out of any of it.
To add to the "cramming" analogy... I must admit, there were entire pages of this issue I had to reread, because I kept feeling like I missed something! Turns out... I didn't... the stories were just really light on explanation. Not that I need to be guided by the hand (well, maybe I do), but I think there's too much here that we're just supposed to "accept".
It's like... okay, we've got this magical produce... that makes people tell the truth? Wha--? I looked to see if there were any clever wordplay to allude to this... but came up empty! I'll always concede that I might be too dense to pick up on something... but I really don't think this one's on me!
Even the tiniest plot points left me scratching my head. Why did they make a point of saying Perry White repeated himself when giving out this assignment? Was that supposed to lead somewhere? Does it lead somewhere later? I dunno... just seems an odd thing to spend any time on (and here I am typing an entire paragraph about it!).
Then... there's the spellbook. Five seconds earlier, Superman was attempting to hurl it into the Sun. But instead, leaves it with Loretta (and Alvin) to discover all over again? Da hale? Luckily... judging from the fact that she won't surface again until the mid-2000's, it seems as though she doesn't.
Also worth noting... Superman doesn't exactly use "kid gloves" when dealing with Alvin here, does he? I mean, he froze the poor dude in the flood... and blew him into a giant watermelon! Seems a bit "fast and loose" with the powers there, pal.
The art here was what we've come to expect from late-pre-Crisis Superman... though, I'll never be able to accept Lois' Dumb and Dumber bangs. She really looks nothing like she does on the cover. Then again, Superman kind of looks like a creep on the cover, and looks normal on the inside. Whattayagonnado?
The back-up story... was, well... something that happened. It really didn't do much for me... and I haven't the foggiest idea why it exists. The League of Superman Watchers seems like something out of the Silver Age... not something I'd expect from a mid-80's book. I can't get mad at it as a concept... but the execution was a bit lacking.
This felt like a full-blown fill-in issue shrunk in size to fit a back-up strip... it opened so slowly... then, out of nowhere, kicked into high-gear and... ended! Ehh. Not for me.
Overall... if you're only going to read one Yellow Peri story... read the one we discussed yesterday.
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Letters Page:
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