Action Comics #498 (August, 1979)
"The Catastrophic Man!"
Writer - Cary Bates
Penciller - Curt Swan
Inker - Frank Chiaramonte
Letterer - Ben Oda
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.40
So, yesterday was almost a most tragic day...
I was checking through my list of Vartox appearances... and came to learn I was missing two of 'em! Not just any two, but the next two we were set to cover here! Would Vartox "Week" only last three days?!
No, of course not... because I did what any idiot would do... and marched right into a couple of local shops and shouted "I need Vartox... and money's no object!" I was met with blank stares, and directions to the nearest pharmacy.
When I finally smartened everybody up... I managed to find both the books we needed to keep this Festive Week of Vartox rollin'! You might say it's a Vartox Week Miracle (they exist, ya know)!
You also might wanna say, "Chris, isn't that a tremendous waste of time, money and effort to keep a silly theme week going?" To which I'd reply...
Yeah, probably!
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We open with... our hero Vartox, returning back to his home planet of Valeron after a "grueling galactic patrol". We learn here that Valeron is part of the "Sombrero Hat Galaxy", which is just too fun not to mention. Upon arrival, he saves a girl's cat-beast from a tree... also, the PLANET EXPLODES.
Onto more serious matters... on Earth, Lana Lang buys a candy apple. As she chomps away, she is approached and chatted up by the millionaire Rodney Mathers. She turns him down flat... claiming she'd rather do laundry than spend an evening with him. Steve Lombard overhears this, and cannot believe his ears.
Speaking of not believing his ears, Clark Kent hears a feint, yet familiar sonic distress call. He ditches a yappin' Morgan Edge and makes a quick-change in an elevator. It's here he says "two seconds" is more than enough time to change clothes... which, begs the question why he needed the cover of a smoke stack that other time!
After "Suping up", Superman finds Vartox... standing on a dark cloud. I mean, literally... poor ol' Vart is standing on a black cloud. It'd be hilarious if it wasn't so pitiful! Anyhoo, he shares his tale of woe with the only other man in the universe he felt he could go to.
Superman takes him to the Fortress straight away, so they can attempt to plan for his future. Once in the Arctic, they see a weird craft... which Superman believes must have just crashed. Vartox corrects him, claiming that it had been there for centuries... and only became visible due to a shifting of the ice causing a glacial fissure.
It is, naturally, lined with lead... so, Superman's outta luck. Vartox, however, has no such restrictions... actually, he doesn't seem to have any restrictions, so he takes a peek. What he finds inside are... well, all of the Valerons who perished in the explosion! He collapses with grief.
A beam is fired from the craft... which doesn't even tickle Superman. Using the power of, ahem "hand-to-hand-super-deflection", the Man of Steel ricochets the beam back at the ship... revealing it to actually be occupied by a pair of a-hole robots!
After a brief battle, Superman lights the sucker up... using his heat vision on the on-board "atomic propulsion system", he causes... a "small" nuclear explosion.
He looks over to Vartox, and finds him hunched over and quivering. Fearing that his super-pal might've just lost his marbles, Superman approaches. Turns out, he was just protecting his little lunch-pail thingie. When they finally make it to the Fortress, Vartox reveals the contents of his case... it's some glowing rocks from Valeron... Valeronite, if you will... only not dangerous to anybody. He wishes to study the rocks to see if he can deduce why his planet went boom. Superman gives the thumbs-up, and says Vartox has full access to all of the Fortress's Sciences's's's during the night... however, he's gotta spend his days... in Metropolis!
Speaking of Metropolis... let's head back there! It's the next day, and Clark is in the commissary. He goes to sit down across from Lana... however, Steve Lombard snatches his seat... and in doing so, actually spills Clark's lunch all over his (Clark's) suit. After eating, Lombard heads over to dump his scraps into the trash compactor... but runs afoul of the Galaxy Building's newest security guard!
Then... as if being controlled by some unseen force... the trash compactor backs-up all over poor Mr. Lombard!
This new security guard is... Vernon O'Valeron... you can call him "Vern"... or, ya know "Vart". He and Lana appear to be drawn toward one another almost instantly. We learn that Clark has set "Vern" up with a temporary security gig while he figures out what to do with him.
That evening, Lana Lang arrives on-set for the six o'clock news a bit late. Sounds like she's spent her afternoon in Vartoxville!
After work, Lana and Clark head outside... where they're greeted by Vernon! Suddenly, the sixth floor of the Galaxy Building explodes into flames! While Lana and Clark look on... Superman shows up?!
Clark watches... and thinks to himself that he could've saved the people on the street from the falling glass without even changing into costume... but, figures he might as well just enjoy the show. This "Superman" is, of course, Vartox... using a "Hyper-Hypnotic" Superman Illusion. That's right, not just "hypnotic"... but "hyper-hypnotic".
Vern returns to the scene, and explains his absence as having to attend to some security-type thing. He reports that the sixth floor was empty at the time of the blast... and nobody was injured. It's here that Clark realizes that he's become the "third wheel" and excuses himself... just before Lana and Vern kiss!
We wrap up later that night at the Fortress of Solitude... where Vartox has deduced that the reason for Valeron's demise was... him! What's more, by coming to Earth... he's doomed our planet as well!
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Holy cow, you guys... Vartox might be one of the most tragic characters in Superman... nay, all comics history. You almost want to give the poor guy a hug... if you weren't afraid of getting tangled-up in his chest-tuft.
This is the poor fella's fourth appearance... and so far, he's:
- Had his wife die suddenly
- Lost his super-powers
- Lost his mind getting his super-powers back
- Snaps back to reality by being taunted with his dead wife
and, now...
- His planet explodes?!
and, also...
- It was his fault!!!
You kidding me? I really thought our deep-dive into the Manliest Man Who Ever Manned would be much "lighter" than this! At this point, we might as well call him the Most Unfortunate Man Who Ever Unfortunated! I mean, just picture him standing on a dark cloud, carrying his cute li'l lunch pail... like he was a mustachioed second-grader who just missed the school bus... and it's raining out... and it's Monday.
That aside, seeing Vartox-as-Vern was actually quite fun. I like his weird adversarial relationship with Steve Lombard, which we've seen before here at the blog. Hell, I even dig the relationship with Lana. What really tickles me about it is, when Clark sees that they're getting close, he's actually worried for Vartox... and not Lana!
This issue started off exceptionally strong... I mean, we go from a bright shiny day on Valeron, where the biggest problem is fetching a cat-beast out of a tree... to the planet exploding! I suppose I could've done without the a-hole robots... but, I mean, this is "Action" Comics... gotta have a little bit of... action.
Overall... a fine issue. I'm really enjoying getting to know Vartox... and I hope you all are too! This is another issue that is not available digitally. If only we had a bigger voice... how great would it be to get a Superman: Vartox trade collection? Anyhoo... worth picking up, if you come across it! Tomorrow we'll find out how the Manliest Man Who Ever Manned gets himself outta this one!
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Action Comics #493 (March, 1979)
"The Metropolis-UFO Connection!"
Writer - Cary Bates
Penciller - Curt Swan
Inker - Frank Chiaramonte
Letterer - Ben Oda
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.40
You ever have that thing where you hold down the Shift key to capitalize a letter... but wind up typing the next letter before letting off the Shift key? I have that at the best of times... but today, ho'boy I got it bad!
I wish Blogger had a way to auto-fix that... then again, that probably wouldn't be the first feature I'd add if I had the power (a better spellcheck would be nice).
Anyhoo... let's hope this doesn't mess with us too much today as we head back in time to my birth year, 1979 for our 82nd installment of the #Action100 Endeavor.
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We open with the... familiar sight of UFO's soaring across the skies of Metropolis. This is apparently something of a regular occurrence these days, as none of the Metropolitans appear to be all that worried... they do wish Superman would get around to checking into them though. Speaking of that guy, Clark Kent is among the looky-loos, and he's just as confused. He is approached by his favorite Co-Anchorperson, Lana Lang who informs him that their boss, Morgan Edge has been looking for him. Edge wishes to send him on... a mandatory vacation (that monster!).
As Clark heads out, he runs into Mr. Action himself, Jimmy Olsen. After taking a swig from the water fountain, our favorite cub repor... photog... er, whatever it is Jimmy did back in the 70's... collapses. He is rushed into the GBS infirmary... which is a pretty convenient thing to have. It seems there's been a new strain of flu terrorizing the Galaxy Building's staff. Anyhoo, as Jimmy is wheeled in, he asks Clark to fill in for him on a big interview. He also hands over his Superman Signal Watch... just in case.
Clark "supes up" and goes about his normal patrol before getting ready to conduct that interview. It's set to be with one Lyle Corliss. Anytime I learn a new Golden/Silver/Bronze Age name, I always run it through an anagram maker to see if the writer was being a sneaky-sneak. In doing so with Lyle Corliss... I don't get much... notable names are "Closer Silly" and "Ice Rolls Sly". Anyhoo, he's a mysterious millionaire who lives in seclusion. Superman happens by just as Corliss is being attacked by... some sort of thing.
Superman makes short work of the... floating turret... thing, and Corliss thanks him for saving his life. Superman wraps up the pieces of the busted thing in his cape to take a closer look at later.
Moments later, he returns to the interview site as Clark Kent. Unfortunately, this is when Corliss reveals that he is... a Manhu... er, alien (with very Manhuntery shoulderpads). A telepathic alien who knows that Superman and Clark Kent are one-and-the-same. I swear, not an issue of Bronze Age Superman goes by without at least one person figuring it out!
Corliss reveals that he had intended on using Olsen as a hostage in order to draw Superman to him... and then has him sucked into a nearby television! It's like Persona 4 up in here!
With Superman stuck in the TV, Corliss proceeds to Bond-Villain his entire plan. You remember those UFOs from earlier? Well, those were actually just Yota-Pulses, with which he was communicating with his comrades. He and his pals plan to use Earth as a giant garbage dump!
Corliss leaves Superman flapping in the static to go send his final Yota-Pulsation (which sounds really gross). Amid the static, Superman is unable to adequately focus... and pull himself from the "other side". He then recalls that he's wearing Jimmy's Signal Watch. He manages to trigger it into Zee-Zee-Zeeing, which gives him a sound to focus on... and from there, it's elementary!
He bursts from the set... and proceeds to pummel Corliss, before heading off to catch up with the Yota Pulsation.
He manages to catch up, and follows the pulses into space... all the while attempting to "crack" their code. When he finally does, he fires off some x-ray vision to alter their molecular structure (just go with it).
This altered message informs Corliss' Comrades that Earth ain't the right place to dump their junk... and so, they leave. They don't even bother to fetch Corliss either!
We wrap up with the publication of the Corliss expose in The Daily Planet... and the rescinding of Clark Kent's compulsory vay-cay. You'd almost think he was being punished!
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This issue was a lot of fun!
Perfectly silly for a one-off... with a clever enough angle in the Signal Watch to really do it for me. Built a threat from nowhere, and did away with 'em by the end. Might be my "current year comics" speaking, but we could do with more books like this!
This leaves us with a bit of a challenge though... it's a one-and-done that doesn't give us a whole heckuva lot to talk about. It's a good issue... and I had fun with it, but it doesn't really move the needle excitement-wise.
If I were to dig for a problem, it would be... well, the same as it usually is when we discuss pre-Crisis Superman. Here we have yet another guy who knows that Superman is Clark Kent! A year ago I'd suggest he'd make a good Mr. Oz... but that train's already left the station...
Instead, it's just a dude... who knows Superman and Clark are the same guy... and, presumably, Corliss would have a bone to pick with him... right? Well, I suppose I should report that this is the one and only appearance of Lyle Corliss... maybe I ought to get this bugger slabbed!
Overall... despite not having all that much to say about this issue, I think I'd recommend it! It's just a fun Superman story... and sometimes that's all it's gotta be!
Before we go... tomorrow is our 775th daily discussion, and I suppose we ought to find out "What's So Funny..." about that!
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Green Lantern (vol.2) #115 (April, 1979)
"The Vengeance of the Crumbler!"
Story - Denny O'Neil
Penciller - Alex Saviuk
Inker - Dave Hunt
Letterer - Ben Oda
Colorist - Adrienne Roy
Editor - Jack C. Harris
Cover Price: $0.40
I ever tell ya the one about The Crumbler? Well, yeah... we chatted him up yesterday. Today we're going to go a bit deeper... maybe see if we can figure out just what makes him tick.
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We pick up right where we left off... Hal's 24-hour charge has ended, leaving him mask-less (yet somehow still in his Green Lantern uniform... thanks, Comics Code). He, Ollie, and Dinah head back over to where that tree kabonged him last issue to find his power battery. He excuses himself to recite the oath... because, this is (apparently) a very private thing for him. Who knew?
Reenergized, Hal set out to track the Crumbler! Well, he wants to... but Ollie suggests he settle his tea kettle and hobble on back to the hospital until he gets over his concussion. Surprisingly enough, Hal takes this advice!
And so, Ollie and Dinah hop into their rented hooptie and barrel down the only road outta town that hasn't been shut down due to snow. As luck would have it, it's not long before the roll up on ol' Tuttle... because, ya see... his car broke down. That just doesn't seem to happen enough in comics... I love it! We've got this diabolical villain pulled off on the side of the road with the hood up.
Ollie, being the cautious fella we know him to be, decides to... well, put the pedal to the metal and roar toward him! This unfortunately alerts the baddie... who quick-changes into his gaudy gear...
... which includes his "crumbly glove"! He touches down on the bridge they're standing on, and sends the Arrow-Bus crashing into the icy drink below.
Under water Ollie's instantly kayoed, which leaves their lives in the capable hands of Black Canary (whose wig manages to stay on the whole time!). She wisely grabs a phosphorous arrow from Ollie's quiver, and uses it to melt their way out from certain death.
Back at the hospital, Hal tries in vain to get his release. The Doc just ain't feeling it. Moments later, Ollie and Dinah are wheeled in... at which point, the doctors realize they've exceeded their superhero quota... and tell Hal to split. Weird.
We rejoin the Crumbler as he arrives in Star City. He's there to see a Dr. DeLimmel... a psychologist. Now, here's where things get a bit wishy-washy. Turns out our man has some pretty hardcore daddy issues. Ya see, he grew up wanting to pursue science... however, his pop pressured him into chasing money. I didn't realize these were mutually exclusive concepts... in fact, I thought the opposite was true?
Anyhoo... this led to the young Tuttle conducting his experiments in secret... and the creation of his crumbly-glove.
Just as he's about to continue his tale of woe, DeLimmel cuts him off. His sessions only go twenty-minutes. Yikes! Not much "head-shrinking" can be done in twenty-minutes. Ol' doc must love getting his co-pays. As you might imagine, Tuttle ain't happy to have the brakes pumped on his story... so, he crumbles a couch... and threatens to crumble the clinician!
He starts ranting about how the Doc's no different from his father... and goes on about how he's going to fix everybody's wagons! He proceeds to crumble things at every step. Luckily, Hal Jordan has finally arrived to save the day... or at least learn just what he's up against. A Star City Officer informs our man that the Crumbler's holed up in an office building... and has already "put the whammy on" three of the six support pillars inside. Hundreds of office-worker lives are at risk.
Hal's all, "no big"... and sends an emerald beam toward the baddie in the building. However... it kinda peters out before it reaches its destination. Hal blames this on his concussion, and realizes he's going to have to figure out another way.
And so, he wills up a bullhorn... and attempts to negotiate. The Crumbler claims that all he wants is an apology from his father... and everything will be copacetic. Meanwhile, Ollie gets some bad news about his Pretty Bird... and even goes so far as to begin praying for her to come around.
Hal visits with Tuttle, Sr. and, not gonna lie, it's a pretty icy chat. This fella is a real jackass... refusing to apologize to his "snotty" son, and not even giving a rip that hundreds of office workers are about to buy the farm.
Hal returns to Star City just as the building begins to sway a bit. This causes one of the workers to... fall out a high window. Yeah, I know. If you're in an upper level of a swaying building, what the hell are you doing by the window? Luckily, Hal catches her on a construct-mattress. He then asks an officer to take him into the basement of the building, because... he's got a plan!
From here... it's academic. Hal grabs the baddie from below... then punches him in the face. That there's the sweet sound of anti-climax.
Hal leaves Tuttle in police custody... and suggests they treat him with kid-gloves, because in some ways he's as much a victim in this as anybody. Yeah, tell that to the office lady who just took a header out the window. Hal then heads back to the hospital and hears some good news about Black Canary. In the back of his head, however, he questions if his concussion might result in him being unable to perform his Green Lanternly duties. Well, maybe it's you Hal... then again, maybe it's something else entirely!
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Well, whoever said humanizing villains was a post-Crisis concept? Well, maybe nobody actually said that... but it's what I've always thought. Here we have the Crumbler... and he's got issues with his father. Yeah, it's cliche... but, let's face it... most times comic writers play armchair psychologist... it's going to be cliche. And it's almost always going to be centered on the villain's parents.
While cliche, it does show that there was some actual thought put into this Crumbler character. It's almost as though there were plans for him to become a mainstay in the Lantern rogues gallery. That's what makes it so weird... because in the past two days, we've discussed half of the Crumbler's appearances... ever! He only pops up two more times before hitchhiking his way into limbo.
I could almost see him making a face-turn, and maybe joining Hal... perhaps taking on his (cartoonishly evil) father. Hell, Tuttle, Sr. might make a more interesting bad guy than the Crumbler himself!
Speaking of polarizing personalities... let's talk Ollie. Remember yesterday where I commented on his unbending constitution? Where he'd even turn on his hard-travelin' homeboy Hal if they had different views on something? Well, here he actually shows a willingness to bend. With his Pretty Bird in danger, he even turns to prayer! That's the kinda thing I was talking about yesterday. Ollie may be an ass... but there's an undeniable charm to him as well. He's rough and unflinchingly rigid... but when Dinah's in danger, he's putty.
Then there's Hal. When I came into the Lantern books as a fan, Hal was Parallax. Everything I knew about Hal was that he was "boring"... and while I (now) disagree with that concept as a whole... I gotta say, he is the most uninteresting part of this issue. He's basically just the wall that the story bounces off of. Things happen around him... and at him, but he just doesn't feel like an integral part of the story.
The climax... was lacking. I mean, it was a socko ending. Hal punched the Crumbler... the end. He could've done that right off the bat... but it's like he knew "We've got six more pages to fill!" or something.
Overall... despite the weak ending, this was a fun read. The Crumbler is a super weird villain, with some amazingly dangerous powers... which open up a load of possibilities, most of which will (sadly) never be explored. Worth a read... but I wouldn't recommend breaking the bank.
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