X-Lapsed Origins – Marvel Super-Heroes (UK) #383 (1982)

Alright gang – today we wrap up the first issue of X-Men Archives featuring Captain Britain (July, 1995), where I’ve been pulling all of these classic chapters for x-amination and discussion.  Next time out, we’ll start the second issue… which, I wanna say three chapters in will begin the much-loved (and must-read) “Alans” run.

We open with the Captain still rattled from that shot he took last issue… ya see, the Status Crew hit him where it hurt.  If you recall, they first ran that weird scan on him, which revealed that he is “fueled” by the power of concentration – and so, the blast was calibrated to shake that concentration, rendering him powerless.  In light of this, Saturnine decides to take matters into her own hands… and, well – makes laughably short work out of the oncoming Crewsters… which almost makes you wonder why she didn’t just do that in the first place.  I guess maybe she just wanted Beautiful Brian to rescue her?  Then again, she hasn’t seen him without his helmet yet… so, she might not know just how beautiful Betsy’s Blonde British Brother is!

Cap is back on his feet… but doesn’t get long to rest — the Crewsters keep a’comin’!  Opal Luna rushes off to access a nearby storage closet with her faithful companion, Dimples.  Inside it, is a whole distillery of the “Junkheap Juice”… or, the evolutionary sauce… or whatever we’re going to decide to call it.  She claims that there’s enough here to give “The (evolutionary) Push” to the entire city of Crooked London!

Captain Britain thinks on his feet, and asks her Royal Whyness to toss him a barrel of the stuff.  He decides to slosh it all over the incoming Crewsters… which instantly evolves them into rational thinking folks.  They ask what they’re doing here… and, upon reflecting on their misdeeds, apologize for their actions.  They also wonder how they could ever try and harm someone as beautiful as Opal Luna Saturnine… which, I’m sure is music to her petite ears.

We jump to later, and join an out-of-costume Brian Braddock walking the streets of this Other London.  He has quite a head of hair, this Braddock.  He is approached by a little urchin who asks is he’s got any money to spare… but alas, he does not.

Instead, he asks her if she believes in magic… and, asamattafact, she does!  So, kids… here’s a tip from your ol’ pal Chris – if a strange man you meet in the street at night asks if you believe in magic – the correct answer is “No”.  If there’s anything we’ve learned from the X-Books… it’s how to Be X-Tra Safe.  Anyhoo, we wrap up with Brian picking the tot up, and flying with her through the skies of this wacked out London.  The story closes with the revelation that this is being observed by Merlin and… Jackdaw???

—